Funerals/unpaid leave....and 'respect'

[troisgarcons]

Run with me on this one before the pitchforks come out.

Many of us get to a certain age when funerals of friends parents (and our own parents) become more frequent. These are people who, had us in their houses growning up and quite often you still maintain a good relationship with.

Most of us that work have a certain flexibily, either to swap shifts or may be work a lunch hour and leave early etc if there is a childcare issue or medical appt.

However it's becoming more and more prevalent that if you verify there is a funeral you would like to attend (the only exceptions being parent/spouse/child) that you are expected to take unpaid leave.

There was a time when it was expected that a business would shut down for the afternoon of a funeral and every one went. Simply because its respectful.

Over the past three years, some long serving albeit retired staff where I work have passed on. The funerals were at 3pm, same time as the school hours finish. Only two staff were allowed to go to 'represent' despite lessons would have been easily covered.

There was a funeral recently I wanted to go to (parent of a dear friend) and I offered to swap 2 lunch breaks for an early getaway. Refused point blank and told to take unpaid leave as flexi time wasn't ever going to happen and I shouldnt ask for it.

Similarly, at BILS workplace (large blue chip company), a woman lost her husband and was told she would get 3 days paid leave to 'sort things' and she was expected back at her desk on the 4th day.

Im not suggesting people should become professional mourners, and seek to attend funerals for the hell of it/on a whim but where the heck has respect gone?

[banana87]

A parent/child/partner death is totally different to a friend/collegue/someone you know death.

2-3 days is unacceptable. A week minimum is what I would give my employees. Paid, of course.

[marriednotdead]

I was working for a very small business when the man who was my father figure died suddenly. I was told by phone just after I'd started work for the day. I was sent home and told me to take the following day off. I had to repay both days, and the day of the funeral that I'd planned and arranged in the absence of his blood family

[youarekidding]

thatsenough I'm sorry for your loss and truely at only 2 days off.

[thatsenough]

Thank you Ladies, I really didn't know if I was being unreasonable.

I will be back in work tomorrow and will just have to see how it goes. DH thinks I should take more time, but I am worrying about the money.

I don't really think it has sunk in properly yet, I want to be with my Dad and my DH and children, but feel that the time I need has taken from me. I just feel incredibly depressed.

It has been such a shock, my Mum had been a creaking gate for years, but this was so unexpected - not that old either - mid 60s.

[youarekidding]

thanksenough Could you get signed off by the GP? I really think this is a time for doing 'what you want' iyswim? And if thats being with DH and DC's then that's what you should do.

[troisgarcons]

2-3 days is unacceptable. A week minimum is what I would give my employees. Paid, of course

Blimey - funerals are 14-21 working days round here - I assume it would be slightly less without an autopsy - and I defy anyone to get the paperwork done in a week.

[youarekidding]

thanks thats

[HerdOfTinyElephants]

Where I work the policy is one day's paid compassionate leave for the death of an immediate family member, anything else at manager's discretion. As a manager I've always approved a day (or a half day) paid leave for a slightly more distant relation or a MIL, FIL etc., but I wouldn't have done for "parents of a friend". There has to be a cut-off point. I would have looked sympathetically on someone asking to start early/work through lunch to make up the hours to be able to leave early, though, assuming we could cover our commitments as a team.

[AuntiePickleBottom]

Yanbu, my husband phoned my work when my nan passed away saying I will not be in only for him to be told I got to phone in myself I ened up phoning but hanging up the phone as I just couldn't say that simple sentence that my nan had passed away

[wigglesrock]

I used to work for a company that gave 3 days paid leave for spouse, child, parent, sibling or parent in law - that was it. It was a small local charity, the personnel manager (days before HR) used to advise staff to get to Drs and get sick line.

[maighdlin]

In my old work it was expected for you to take the day/ 1/2 day off for funerals. If you had said "x died" unless you said otherwise you were going to the funeral. It was a small business so a more personal than a big company. It was paid leave. If there was a close death then it was "take as much time as you need" not full pay for all of it but you could have a few weeks if need be, but i'm talking parents/spouse. I know though that this is very rare. I have heard of few other places like this. Most places are so money driven that employees aren't seen to have a life or be human, its all about the lost time and money.

[LadyBeagleEyes]

I lost my sister very suddenly in April last year.
She lived on her own, and myself and my other sister were the only ones that could deal with the arrangements and as she also lived 150 miles away, we needed tons of time off.
My GP gave me a line (I was devastated) in which she put bereavement as why I was off work.
It was only a part time (local council) job,and they were fine with it, but at least I was able to deal with lawyers, the funeral arrangements and the clearing of the flat.
My other sister, on the other hand, had to go back to work as soon as.
She's just come back after being signed off with depression for six months.

[AfternoonsandCoffeespoons]

Christ I don't know how my Dad would have coped when my Mum died if he didn't work for the company he did. It never occured to be before. They were amazing and I'm sure he had a couple of months of at least. DB and I were14 and 16.

[ratspeaker]

The wonderful NHS have allowed DH 2 days compassionate leave after we found his step dad dead, the man that raised him.
DH mum has cancer and wheelchair bound , so is totally unable deal with banks, funeral directors, insurance etc etc
So DH has taken over 10 days in vacation time.

[Highlander]

FIL took poorly last week and died this week. He got 10 days paid leave, work have been v v supportive.

That's so shocking that poor woman only got 3 days.

[Highlander]

Yikes, that should be, DH got 10 days leave.

[Highlander]

That's awful, ratspeak, DH is also NHS. Helps that the clinical director's dad died last year; he told DH to take time off later on when it all 'hit him' as well. V empathic.

[LadyBeagleEyes]

To anybody that has a sympathetic gp, they will sign you off if you are suffering bereavement.
And when I say suffering, my grief when my sister died was the most painful thing I ever suffered in my life.

[WoodBetweenTheWorlds]

I am as generous with compassionate leave as our company policy will allow (one week on full pay for a close relative) but the expectation is not that an employee will come back to work as soon as the compassionate leave is over - typically, they will then have to take holiday or unpaid leave or whatever. I think it's fair enough, the company can't be expected to pay out for weeks on end, no matter how sympathetic or supportive they might be.

For friend's parents etc, I expect people to take holiday or unpaid leave. I would allow flexitime, but only within the rules of our scheme, which doesn't allow people to work through lunch.

[mandapanda27]

My FIL passed away last week, and my husband was allowed one day as compassionate leave. He was not ready to go back to work and had to fight to get more time off, that they are allowing him to take as holiday. His boss actually said "what are you going to do? Just sit at home and mope all day" The funeral is a four hour drive away, and he is taking this as "holiday"! I was shocked!!

[Gemjar]

It constantly shocks me how bad at this companies are. I don't think that everyone should get paid to go to friend of friends cousins grandmothers dogs funeral, but there is just a total lack of compassion and empathy.

My Nana died last year and I had to travel to the other end of the country without a car to get to her funeral, this meant that I had to travel one day, attend the funeral the next and then return on the third day. I unfortunately had no holidays left to take but I did have about 2 days worth of flexi time to take (we had just finished a very busy period in the team which involved a lot of travelling and out of office hours work). I asked if I would be able to take the 3 days and then make up the small flexi deficit that this would leave on my return but was told no. I instead had to work in the morning then travel for hours, then had to get up extremely early on the morning after the funeral to be able to get the train back to go to work in the afternoon.

It also came up at this time, that time off would only be given for the death of a spouse or a dependant. This means that if it had been my mum rather than my nana who had died, then time off would not have been a guarantee at all.

I think that businesses need to learn that if they expect their employees to work better for them and work harder then they need to give something back. Most workers are prepared to put in extra hours when needed for their jobs because what they do is important to them, why can't companies treat their staff with the same respect?

[unfitmother]

Whilst I agree with generous compassionate leave I don't think employers should have to give paid leave for all funerals.

[griphook]

I think at the moment companies are using the econmic crisis as an advantage to squeeze more and more out of their workers

[squeakytoy]

As others have said, a doctors note signing you off sick is all that anyone needs to cover them. Some companies may not pay you sick pay though anyway, and all you would be entitled to is statutory sick pay, but that is fair enough as you cannot reasonably expect an employer to pay compassioniate leave for any great length of time.

[CheeseandGherkins]

Our dd was stillborn in Dec and dh's brother said he couldn't make the funeral as he couldn't get time off. Neither of us believed it. He had about 2 weeks notice and regularly has time off for long weekends booked at short notice.