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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to accept

24 replies

woowoo2 · 28/09/2011 15:55

My mum has offered to take me and DS along with my 2 dsis on a caribbean cruise for 2 weeks next year, all expenses paid and none spared knowing my mum

Thing is, she hasn't invited DP, or his 2 dd's..........

OP posts:
StrandedBear · 28/09/2011 15:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
woowoo2 · 28/09/2011 16:15

would it not seem terribly unfair to dp's dd's?

OP posts:
pippilongsmurfing · 28/09/2011 16:17

Do DP's DDs live with you?

GirlWithALlamaTattoo · 28/09/2011 16:18

Depends a bit on the relationship with DP. If you're just dating, and you/DS are a separate family from him/DDs, go with your mum and have a lovely time. If he kicks up, he's a twerp.

If, on the other hand, you and DP live together and his DDs are effectively your stepchildren, then your mum's out of order.

Are your sisters' partners going?

Kayzr · 28/09/2011 16:18

I'd go and I'd expect my DP to go if it was the other way round

SheWhoMustNotBeFlamed · 28/09/2011 16:19

Are your sisters' partners and children invited?

If so, I would not go.

If not, I would leave DS at home and GOOOOOOO!

pippilongsmurfing · 28/09/2011 16:21

If your DP's DDs live with you then I think it's a bit unfair.

I'd go though, your DS will love it, my DH would be happy for me to do something like this without him and vice versa.

WhereYouLeftIt · 28/09/2011 16:23

I can remember my gran, my mother and my two aunts going on holiday together once; no children, no husbands. No husbands complained.

You say your DS is invited, but didn't mention if your sisters had children too? Is your DS her only grandchild? Or young enough for her to think he's too young to leave behind?

MrSpoc · 28/09/2011 16:28

if your married or been living together as one family unit for a while then ur mum is out of order and I dont think I could go. It will single out and alientate the other kids, when you are trying to show a united family.

But if you ae only dating and have seperate family responsibilites then pack your bags.

Do what makes ur comfortable.

LydiaWickham · 28/09/2011 16:28

If the DD's live with you, that could be tricky, unless they are older and DS is a baby and harder to leave.

Original poster
woowoo2 · 28/09/2011 16:39

sisters are both single and child free

DP lives with me and we have his dd's 1/2 the week (so yes they are my step daughters so to speak)

Mum has only not invited him because she can't afford to pay for another 3 people. He could come if we paid the extra

OP posts:
Original poster
woowoo2 · 28/09/2011 16:40

ds is 6

OP posts:
PonceyMcPonce · 28/09/2011 16:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kayzr · 28/09/2011 16:43

Can you afford to pay the extra? If so go for it. You'll have a great time.

DandyLioness · 28/09/2011 16:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AMumInScotland · 28/09/2011 16:45

Would you normally have holidays together as a family? If so, I think it would be hurtful to go without them, unless you've spoken to him and are sure he's totally happy about it.

PopcornMouse · 28/09/2011 16:52

If you only have the SDCs half the week, then tbh I don't think it would be U to take just your resident DD away - after all, DP isn't going either.

Have fun!!! :)

Original poster
woowoo2 · 28/09/2011 16:55

We probably would be able to afford the extra at a huge push, so I think I will discuss that option to him and explain that my mum would love to pay for them (she really would) but can't afford it.

OP posts:
DharmaLovesDraco · 28/09/2011 16:56

I would say it's a bit unfair to take one child and not the other two; therefore I would go on my own with my mum and sisters and leave all the children with their dad Grin

northerngirl41 · 28/09/2011 18:09

The thing is - would DP's expartner's family invite your daughter on holiday? Would your mum usually buy Xmas gifts for SDDs or same value as for DS? You each have different extended family from one another and that's perfectly okay - sometimes DS will get to go on a super cruise, other times SDDs will get to go to EuroDisney with their mum - it doesn't make it unfair!

squeakytoy · 28/09/2011 18:16

Would it not be nice to have all sisters and your mum, and nobody with partners just for one holiday? If you take your partner it will completely change the dynamics of the holiday.

HappyAsASandboy · 28/09/2011 18:32

I agree with northerngirl - you have been invited by your mum, and DS has been invited by his grandma. Your mum is and always will be your DS's grandma but not your DSD's grnadma - presumably they have a grandma who is not related to your son too?

If your mum invites your DP as well as your DS, then it changes. She is then inviting your family, and should include DSDs. But as it is, I think it is fine for you to go.

That was all a bit waffly, sorry! IMO, each child should go on any holidays their parents or grandparents go on. So in this case, because your DP isn't going, his DDs don't go either Smile I come from a split family, and would never have expected to go on holiday with my step mum and her mum. That would have been very odd!

missnevermind · 28/09/2011 18:33

I have been married 18 years and have been on holiday with my parents and the children without DH. Their is nothing wrong with it as long as you both are happy with the decision.

slavetofilofax · 28/09/2011 18:42

I'd go just you and your ds, otherwise you are changing th whole holiday for everyone else. You and your ds going with your Mum and sisters is very differnt to going with your dp and his children.

You obviously feel that your dsd's are part of your family, but your childless sisters may not, and they might just want to spend time with their sister and her child. You would be changing it from a girls holiday with one child to a family holiday with three children.

You do have to consider if it's fair on your dsd's, but equally, you have to consider if it's fair on your Mum and sisters.

I think the two of you should go, and you should save the money you would have spent on dp and dsd's places on a holiday for your own household.

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