To not allow brother in law to come and stay for 3 nights as we have a 2week old baby

[benne81]

We live in a 2bed London flat and i have a two week old baby son. It's my first I'm breastfeeding and haven'thad longer than 2 hrs consectutive sleep since he was born - I'm knackered but just about holding it together. My dh younger brother (26yrs) phoned up tonight to say he was going to come and stay from sat to tues to see the baby - he wants to stay at ours. My dad and his wife are already coming this weekend but are staying at my sisters in Surrey. I told dh that I don't think I can cope with someone staying for 3 nights especially not as my dh starts back at work on the Monday and I'm already apprehensive about it. My DH has given me a massive guilt trip and now isn't speaking to me - I just do 't think he understands how tired I am ( he doesn't have to get up in the night as I'm breastfeeding and I've moved into another room). Am I being unreasonable? It's not that I don't want my bil to come but I just can't deal with guest that stay so long at the moment as putting on a front of coping is ok for and afternoon but would be impossible for 3 full days!!

Not at all. You don't need that added pressure at this time. I had my inlays around every day after my baby was born and it got on my pip.
At the moment you need to just get by as best you can and your husband needs to be understanding and supportive of his new family. That means that he has to grow up a bit. It's hard enough after you have a baby, let alone putting up with your husband being ignorant to yours and your baby's needs. Just remember, it's all about you and the baby during this time and no one else. Your brother in law can visit when things are more settled and you will all have a better time. Good luck x

I think your DH is being a little naive (to be generous) in thinking that having anyone to stay in a 2 bed flat with a 2 week old baby is a good idea. Whether BIL would be helpful or not might tip the balance, but I'd still be inclined to think its too long - and if you're not comfortable with the idea then your DH shouldn't be pushing you into a situation at this point in time that is going to add to your stress.

I'm less convinced that its a good idea to get back in the same room and bed as your DH ASAP, unless you want to. DH and I wound up in separate rooms after DD1 came along. She was up at all hours of the night for months and whilst I could sit on the sofa and doze when she deigned to nap during the day, DH had to get up at 5.30 every morning to get into London and do a full day's work. We're fortunate in that we can afford for me to be a SAHM, but that does mean DH being able to function sufficiently well to do his job is quite important to us as a family... A year or so later and DD is in her own room, DH and I are back in the same bed and our relationship is just fine . Horses for courses - do what works for you and your family and sod those who raise their eyebrows and predict doom and gloom!

That said, you might want to use the whole sleep thing to your advantage - I assume BIL will be expecting to sleep in the spare room, which means you'll have to move back in with DH. Presumably you moved out so at least one of you would get some sleep and be able to function during the day. Has he thought through the implications of losing the spare bed just as he's going back to work?

Move back into your bedroom for goodness sake.

I'd be tempted to phone the BIL up to explain exactly what staying with you for 4 days would entail- he would, for instance, be sleeping on the floor in the front room and would need to bring his own sleeping bag and pillow. He should fully expect to see you breastfeeding, probably with breasts out and milk everywhere. He'd be expected to cook or help DH with cooking, he'd need to help with cleaning up, and he can expect to be disturbed several times a night. He will also need to be up when baby gets up, at say 6am.

Of course , you very much appreciate his offer to come and help with nappy changes, soaking and scrubbing pooey nappies and babygros, and to take on the household responsibilities such as cleaning the kitchen and bathroom for you.

If your DH is grumpy with you for saying no to your BIL, then I shouldn't be surprised if they had planned themselves a nice little boys going-out weekend while you are stuck indoors caring for your baby and cooking/cleaning up after them.

Yes, wouldn't be surprised if it's all about wetting the baby's head.

YANBU. When we had DS we said no overnight guests until the baby was in a routine (took about 5 months-ish).

You and the baby comes first, everyone else comes second.

Tell your DH its nothing against the DB, but you'll be up around the clock with your boobs out and unable to cook, clean or make drinks for anyone. Why doesn't DB come for a day and come back for a longer time when you are more settled? (in about 2yrs!)