Never trust a GP and his intercom.

[MothInMyKecks]

Went to Doc's today with some symptoms that have been building up and escalating. Sat down and told him my woes.

Doc: So, Moth. What's the problem?
Moth: Not feeling so great lately Doc....

2 minutes later, post list of symptoms.

Doc: So, any discomfort down below? Any problems weeing?
Moth: Nope, Hmm.... No problems there either.
Doc: Any smelly discharge? Anything abnormal?
Moth: No. Nothing like that.

Door opens, Practice Nurse pops head in. Doc, irritated, says firmly, "I have a patient"

Nurse: Um, Doc, you've left you're phone off it's cradle and the intercom....on.
Nurse legs it.

I look at the Doctor, he looks at me, coughed, cleared his throat and bleats "Oh, sorry about that". I stare a bit and he claps his hands and says "Okaaaaay - blood test. Tomorrow. Phone us in a week."

I scurry out, crab-like and furtive.

Nosy twonks at Reception were starting at me. I'm sure I heard someone snigger.

Staring even.

oh you poor thing!

You would not be unreasonable to be paranoid about GP's intercoms from now on.

Oh dh's gp has form for this too. Reception staff are used to it. Generally he never gets further thatn "good morning Mr Smith how is the xxxx today?"

last time I saw this all of the receptionists stampeded down the corridor and into his room. Entertaining (but not for the poor patient)

and
you poor poor thing!

MothInMyKecks ! You have just made me smile :o

Dare I say it would have been worse if you HAD had a smelly discharge?

I've got over it now, especially since I text a close friend with my harrowing news, only to have one back saying "OMG, I have tears streaming down my cheeks and I think I've just wee'd myself. Good job you didn't start telling him about your piles".

Oooh that was how a murderess was picking off her victims in an episode of Midsomer Murders!!

I feel your pain but worry not. At my local family planning clinic there was a nurse who had the equivalent female voice to Brian Blessed. Nothing was private. She would ask questions in a loud booming voice, us ladies would answer in quiet ladylike voices and she would repeat our answers a la 'SO YOU WOULD LIKE A REPEAT PRESCRIPTION OF YOUR PILLS AND SIX MONTH'S WORTH OF CONDOMS. IS 24 ENOUGH, JUST FOR EXTRA PROTECTION DURING YOUR FERTILE DAYS? ANY VAGINAL BLEEDING AT ALL?' and so on. The whole bloody waiting room could hear but we all just smiled politely and pretended it wasn't happening. Only I should add after a number of complaints came to nought.

I haven't seen her in ages though, she must have retired. I did like her no nonsense approach but just wish she could have been a bit quieter. And the less said about the poor teenage boy who saw her to get some free condoms the better. I hope she didn't traumatise him for life!

Rhonda ohmygosh - I think if I'd have answered yes to the smelly discharge, I would have had to have legged it out through the fire escape.

The Doctor even yawned through my consultation

I mean, really. I know my potential thyroid problem isn't the most exciting bit of medicine for him, but he didn't have to look so bored.