Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

1 2

AIBU?

To think my dh is a selfish twat?

49 replies

pink4ever · 25/09/2011 16:07

Dh not well. Man flu We have all had it over the past few weeks-I had it last week. He took friday off and spent the day lying on the couch,hogging the remote and moaning at the dcs playing.

Saturdays the kids have activities. I take 2 of them and he takes the eldest. Yesterday he makes a big deal out of wheezing/sighing and basically being a martyr. I pointed out that he did not have to take ds-could miss his activity-I am unable to take him as dont drive. He chose to take him.

Today 2 of them have another activity-which he usually takes them too as I go with the youngest to his parents-every sunday and he meets us there. This is his choice btw. He asks me if I mind taking them.

Now finally for the aibu?-dont mind taking the kids-have taken them in the past when dh wanted to watch football,have a day off etc. However it is a 40 minute walk-we all got absolutely drenched on the way home.

He never offers to take the kids when I am ill-such as last weekend when I just had to get on with it. Is quite happy for us all to get soaked so long as he is ok. Had no money for public transport before anyone pipes up with that.

Has never once offered me a lift-anywhere. Now I am far from precious-the dcs and I are well used to walking for up to a couple of hours to get to where we want to go or using public transport. However when I have been on nights out with friends their dh are more than happy to drop them off/pick them up-is this normal? sorry off topic but am pissed off with it all.

I am bu arent I?

OP posts:

Report

squeakytoy · 25/09/2011 16:38

Hang on.. so could HE afford driving lessons for you??

There is an awful lot of imbalance going on here.

Dont wait for him to offer.. tell him that YOU want driving lessons and will be having them. It is not a luxury, it is something that as a family would benefit all of you.

pink4ever · 25/09/2011 16:40

curry he hadnt moved from the couch! as I said didnt even show one iota of concern when kids came in absolutely soaked. Yes he is a knob He is now muttering again as he had to get off his arse and change youngest ds nappy Giving him a taste of his own fecking medicine!

OP posts:

CurrySpice · 25/09/2011 16:41

You cold have phoned me, I would've fetched you :o

CurrySpice · 25/09/2011 16:41

could

pink4ever · 25/09/2011 16:45

squeaky-things are a bit tight but yes he probably could afford to pay for my lessons. I cant just book them as I dont have access to the funds. Dont want to go into the full details as this is not really the point of the thread but I have posted on that particular subject before.

To the poster who asked about hating driving-we had car in garage a few weeks ago. Him and ds had to use public transport to go to football and the moaning that went on about that was unbelievable! He was actually going to get a taxi-which would have cost £45 quid there and back until I said no way-so picks and chooses when he hates driving!

OP posts:

pink4ever · 25/09/2011 16:45

curry kind offer. Thanks!

OP posts:

AgentZigzag · 25/09/2011 16:46

Unless you have separate account, him offering to buy you lessons would just be offering your own money back to you wouldn't it?

Have you any family or friends who could give you some driving hours to help keep the costs down?

DH is pretty highly strung when he's driving, but he loves doing it, and was really patient teaching me when I was in one of my learning to drive phases.

pink4ever · 25/09/2011 16:59

We do have seperate accounts-the only money I have in mine is the cb and it is for the dcs. Nope no family-my sister does drive but doesnt have the time to help me and I wouldnt dream of asking anyone in dh's family as they are about as twatty as he is!

OP posts:

bushymcbush · 25/09/2011 17:04

Fucking hell OP, your marriage has ishoos!

He really is a selfish twat - correct me if I'm wrong but from what I can work out, he has a lot more money than you (an alien concept to me as DH and I have had joint finances since the year we got married) and you have so little money that you can't always afford bus fare?

He grumbles about changing his child's nappy?

He won't take his own daughter to a birthday party without a massive hump?

He DOESN'T CARE when his children have to walk for 40 mins in the rain?

And let me repeat, he won't allow you access to family funds that could pay for bus fares?

just

What exactly are you getting out of the relationship?

AgentZigzag · 25/09/2011 17:06

You sound very isolated pink.

waterrat · 25/09/2011 17:09

pink, I've seen your posts before - and this is about so much more than the car. He is financially controlling and your life is made harder by being with him. Can I ask, do you ever consider leaving him? Is it because of the financial constraints on you that you stay?

pink4ever · 25/09/2011 17:10

bushy-yes there are massive ishoos. Thanks to good advice on here I am working my way towards things changing big time. Your right-it is absolutely ridicoulous that I didnt even have enough money for the bus-a couple of quid! Cant quite believe I have ended up here but there you go!

OP posts:

verytellytubby · 25/09/2011 17:12

Save up and learn to drive. If money is tight, stop the kids activities for a term and pay for it from that.

Your marriage seems incredibly unbalanced. Don't wait for him to offer. TELL HIM!

squeakytoy · 25/09/2011 17:12

It would benefit your kids if you were to be able to drive, and as they get older they are going to be travelling further afield too, so you NEED to be able to drive. Use the CB money for lessons, it will be for your childrens benefit!

I have seen your previous posts, and am trying to only comment on this particular thread, but honestly, I do feel he is keeping you under his control, and that is wrong, very wrong.

lesley33 · 25/09/2011 17:13

Your initial question asking whether YABU to think he should have given you and DC a lift - No YANBU.

The question is what you do about it. It sounds as if there is also an imbalance in relation to access to money as well. Would your parents help you out with the cost of driving lessons? Or can you talk to DH so there is more equal access to money?

pink4ever · 25/09/2011 17:13

water-yep you have hit the nail on the head. I am estranged from my family and couldnt ask friends to put me and dcs up for more than a few days.

I think the only way this may be salvagable is if I walk out-leaving him with dcs and hopefully giving him a big fecking wake up call. Only problem is I dont want to leave dcs and never have enough money to go anywhere!

Aaargh I am sounding like a sad cow now and that was really no the point of this thread!!

OP posts:

HandDivedScallopsrgreat · 25/09/2011 17:13

pink4ever - having seen your past posts about your 'D'H, take it as read he is a prick nincompoop. You know what needs to be done.

pink4ever · 25/09/2011 17:16

handdived-message received and understood I am working on it believe me.

OP posts:

HerHissyness · 25/09/2011 17:17

oh pink, you don't sound to be in too healthy an environment. You need to start demanding some things for you, learn to drive, please and sell it to him that you would happily share some of the driving, seeing as he hates it so much... anything to get some independence.

then you need to seriously look at other ways that you could even things up, get money paid to you etc so you are not so skint you walk in the rain.

Please love, you need to live better than this.

HerHissyness · 25/09/2011 17:19

Did HE estrange you from your family?

You are not a sad cow love, you may be in a situation that was never of your making. if so, we can help you find your way to better.

don't ever leave the DC with him, fgs, they come with you, you will get help from refuge, women's aid etc.

lesley33 · 25/09/2011 17:37

Maybe you should ring womens aid and ask for their advice re leaving and getting accommodation for you and DC. Keeping you short of money would be seen by them as abuse and so you would "qualify" for their help.

fatlazymummy · 25/09/2011 18:10

I also would advise you to try citizen's advice re getting help with benefits, accomodation etc.
Is it possible for you to get some sort of job so that you can at least have a little money for yourself?
Yes your husband is being selfish. I can't imagine what kind of parent [of either sex] would allow their children to walk for miles in the rain when they have a car just sitting there.

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Email address

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

SuchProspects · 25/09/2011 19:57

Pink - I'm so sorry I you needed to learn to drive. Your relationship seems so unbalanced it sounds like you're using all your strength to tread water. YANBU at all. He is massively unreasonable and very abusive. I can't believe he has money and you had to walk because you can't afford bus fare (of course he should have been driving you, but that seems like the minor issue). That is down right nasty of him. Contemptuous of you and his children and so incredibly selfish.

Hope you manage to put in place whatever steps you need to to make the massive changes you mention. You shouldn't be living like this and neither should your DCs. :(

rhondajean · 25/09/2011 20:00

Erm his being able to drive and his car are a resource for the family and should be used as such, eg no 45 minute walks in rain while he is there!

However, Id strongly recommend you learn to drive yourself, its the best thing that I ever did!

Flip

1 2

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.