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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have told DS (9) that the rest of today is for family time not hanging with friends?

28 replies

Flyonthewindscreen · 25/09/2011 12:37

DS has been out at a friends party/sleepover since 11am yesterday and came back with friend (only lives around the corner) in tow this am and they have been here on Wii, etc. DD is about to come home from a sleepover and DH also about to get home from a trip away. I have just told DS that when DD gets home, his friend is going home and there will be no more playing in or out today. He has homework to do and I would like us a spend a small part of the weekend as a family.

DS replied "its going to be a boring afternoon then" Sad. Was expecting this when the DC were teenagers but not yet!

OP posts:
upahill · 25/09/2011 12:43

It depends what you do as a family I suppose.
If you have fun together it will be fine.

DorisIsAPinkDragon · 25/09/2011 12:46

Lose the friend now and do homework before your dh comes home then you can do something fun together.

YANBU

squeakytoy · 25/09/2011 12:48

YANBU, but to a 9yo, you will seem extremely unreasonable! Grin

ecclesvet · 25/09/2011 12:49

YANBU. That said, I hated the artifical 'family time' we spent when I was younger, all of us awkwardly playing a board game wishing we were somewhere else. I just don't think you can force it.

NettoSuperstar · 25/09/2011 13:01

My 10yr old has been at her friend's since Thursday. She'd rather be there and I'd rather not have her here grumping about being bored.
We talk on the phone several times a day and text.
I can't be bothered to fight a battle that I'm never going to win.

squeakytoy · 25/09/2011 13:03

Are you serious Netto??? 10 years old??

FabbyChic · 25/09/2011 13:08

I hated this from my parents when I was young, being dictated to about family time.

He is a kid, let him be one.

AKMD · 25/09/2011 13:10

YANBU but does your DH know about this 'family time' yet?!

booyhoo · 25/09/2011 13:12

fabby (dont even know why i am bothering-she does it for reactions) he is a kid that i also a part of a family and the friend is in OP's home. she has every right to ask the friend to go so she can spend time with her children if they have been away all weekend.

YANBU at all. as long as you actually use the time to do something together then i see no problem with that.

NettoSuperstar · 25/09/2011 13:12

Yes Squeakytoy, 10.
She's an only child, as is her friend, her Mum is more able to take them out and about than I am.
She's at home during the school week, but generally spend weekends out, though they do pop in sometimes.
We used to live three doors away but we moved over the summer.
I don't have a problem with it.

Hulababy · 25/09/2011 13:12

Not unreasonable to want to spend some time as a family, but it does depend on what you have planned. If it is just sitting around then yes, he may well get bored. Not unreasonab;e to not what the friend in your house, though.

lisad123 · 25/09/2011 13:14

Just make sure it's a fun family afternoon Grin

squeakytoy · 25/09/2011 13:16

And the other mother is okay with it too I take it. I was an only child myself, but I know my mum wouldnt have allowed me to move in with someone else for days at a time, certainly at that age, and also wouldnt have had any of my friends to stay for that long either.

In fact, as a child, none of us did sleepovers. We went home to our own beds each night, sleepovers just did not happen.

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 25/09/2011 13:20

What did you have planned for this family time? Could family time be another time that suits you all?

Homework otoh is non-negotiable...

NettoSuperstar · 25/09/2011 13:30

She's fine with it Squeaky.
Actually I had planned to take both of them out yesterday but wasn't up to it.
I'll have a car soon which means I'll be able to, though they'll still sleep at friend's house as she isn't keen on sleeping away from home often.
DD and I are gong out for lunch tomorrow so we'll have time together then.

cory · 25/09/2011 13:32

I think it is reasonable to expect your children to give up some time to make your life pleasant- always assuming that you give up a lot of your time for them, and that family times are fun. And that they get enough "own" time.

If I had to be absolutely truthful I wouldn't choose going to a football match or wandering around Next for my own entertainment- I choose to enjoy it because it makes them happy. It is good for them to learn to do the same thing for others- not all the time, but now and again.

They are currently attending a bbq at the Old People's home, not because they can't think of cooler things to do with their mates, but because it makes grandma happy. Last weekend we went to a stately home because that makes dd happy, the weekend before we went to KFC which makes ds happy. On other occasions, we have postponed an activity so they can have time with their friends. It's all about give and take.

msmiggins · 25/09/2011 13:56

As much as i love family time I don't think it's something that you can impose upon children.

You need to make family time fun for everyone, then children will willingly choose to spend time as a family rather than hang out with friends.

Kamer you need to use more of a carrot and less of a stick on this one.

If I feel we need time as a family to consolidate I will plan something that the children will look forward too.

My daughter lives in the company of her friends, but if I suggest lunch out and a trip to a museum with the family she jumps at it.

Can you plan something to do rather than just "being a family".

Make pizzas or plan some baking that everyone can join in, have a game of Cleudo or cards, dig out some old photos get creative, do some shadow puppets.

Spending time together as a family is important but should be fun too.

fluffles · 25/09/2011 14:26

even i think 'family time' sounds dull... why not focus on doing a really fun activity and then the family bonding bit is a side-effect.

and of course the promise of doing homework is boring compared to playing with his friend on the wii - why are you even surprised?

Ifancyashandy · 25/09/2011 15:20

YABU to use the term 'family time'. It's so.....forced it makes my teeth itch.

worraliberty · 25/09/2011 15:24

I wonder if Netto's going to get a call from the CSA Grin

NettoSuperstar · 25/09/2011 16:03

Haha, probably Grin

cat64 · 25/09/2011 16:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

girlywhirly · 25/09/2011 17:05

I think getting the homework done is non-negotiable. However, the prospect of being at a loose end later doesn't sound very appealing. I can understand spending time together catching up once each week, as some families barely see each other to speak to during the week, especially as the DC get older and spend more time outside the home.

One of my DS mates used to spend every Sunday at home with his parents and sister once they'd been to church, as this was deemed 'family time' and they had no-one to play on this day, neither did they go to others homes.

bravamama · 25/09/2011 17:19

i normally give my DD the choice and thats normally, i'd rather be with friends. hey ho i'd rather she was with her friends than feeling forced to be with me.

Fossil · 25/09/2011 17:57

YANBU. As you say, he has HOMEWORK to do, and its not unreasonable to want to be in your house with your kids and not to have to have anyone else there. Kids don't see if that way though. As an adult, you would never just "call on" somebody at 9.00 a.m. on a Sunday morning and expect to be let in and have the run of their house, but kids do. Especially somethat live near us!

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