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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect my DP not to go around snogging people at works dos

45 replies

hanaka88 · 25/09/2011 06:11

Especially seeing as I've just given him another chance after finding him on them Internet dating sites for people who want to cheat.

Found out on Facebook. He obviously didn't know I'm friends with someone or was too drunk to realise, they were talking about it and he said 'mouths shut to hanaka guys'

I took him back because my little boy (ASD) loves him. I love him too. Now he's going to be gone again and my poor little boy is going to be even more confused.

I feel like such rubbish mum.

OP posts:

HairyGrotter · 25/09/2011 09:07

Keep to your original agreement of paying him back monthly, there isn't much he can do about it is there? Set up a standing order direct to his account, then no words need be exchanged.

NestaFiesta · 25/09/2011 09:18

You do not owe him money. If you need £200 it was because you have been supporting him without any financial help from him. You should have charged him half the rent/mortgage and bills.

If, when you kick him out, he mentions the money, it will be another way of him getting into your head, so ignore and tell him he owes you a few thousand but you'll call it quits.

So in summary, he goes on dating sites (premeditated intention to cheat), snogs other women (disrespectful, insulting and hurtful to you) and doesn't contribute a penny while he sponges off you?

He is just a habit, not your true love, and habits can be broken. You and your son deserve better. Hold your head high. One day you will find someone who can be a good example to your son.

Piggles · 25/09/2011 09:20

Who cares if he wants all the money back at once? We can't always get what we want in this life.

If you so lovely and honest that you want to return it even though he is a git, then tell him he will get it in the agreed installments which is all you can afford... or if he keeps mithering you for the lump sum which you cannot afford he will not get any money at all.

I'd be tempted to keep the money though and call it a small compensation for him freeloading for so long. If he complained I would be tempted to send him a bill for the last year too, the cocklodging git.

Unless he can actually prove you owe him money it isn't like he can make you give it back to him is it?

ENormaSnob · 25/09/2011 10:08

Get rid of this loser.

I suspect in the long run it will be more damaging for your son to have him around.

A sponging, lying, cheating little prick is not a good role model IMO

Re the £200, bill him for bed and board.

scuzy · 25/09/2011 10:12

did you decide how much you'd pay him back monthly?if not post him5p each month. arsehole!! get rid of. you deserve better!

Original poster

hanaka88 · 25/09/2011 11:18

Thanks everyone! Just going to ignore him and hope he doesn't bang on my window for hours like last time

OP posts:

NestaFiesta · 25/09/2011 11:19

Hanaka- if he does, call the police. Behaviour that distresses you is called harrassment.

SoftKittyWarmKitty · 25/09/2011 11:24

Jesus! Cut your losses and get rid of this wankstain ASAP. Like the others said, he owes you far, far more money than you owe him and you need to state that to him should he demand it back. Have you confronted him about the fact that he's cheated on you (because that's what snogging other women is) and that he's told others to hide it from you?

I'd be tempted to write a reply on that Facebook thread saying something along the lines of this, putting the right info in where I've put x's: "xxx it's too late to try and get other people to cover up for you - you're busted, you cheating, lying piece of scum. Don't call me, text, or come round again. You've let me, DS and yourself down. I forgave you for registering on the cheater's website xxx after you begged me to take you back, but you clearly haven't changed. Thanks for the £200 you recently gave me - it hardly touches the £xxx you owe me for the rent, bills and food from the year that you lived in my house for free and sponged off me, but as I want rid of you I'm willing to call it quits. Now fuck off, asshole. And do have a lovely week at work."

I bet it would get loads of 'likes' and you'll feel stronger by taking control this way, plus it puts the onus on him being the knob, he'll struggle to get others to be on his side after that and all his workmates would know what a total shit he is.

And you're not a bad mum, far from it. But don't take him back. He's shown his true colours and he won't change. You and your DS deserve better.

NestaFiesta · 25/09/2011 11:26

OP- I would so love it if you did what SoftKitty suggests!

SoftKittyWarmKitty · 25/09/2011 11:26

Just seen your latest post. Don't ignore him, call him on his behaviour! You need to tell some people straight that you don't want them in your life any longer. He needs telling. I still think replying to the FB status is the way to go. It would teach him a lesson that he needs to learn imo.

YellowDave · 25/09/2011 11:27

Yes I'm loving Softkitty's FB post

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 25/09/2011 12:07

Another one nodding at SoftKitty's post - please do it, OP, you'll feel so much better and you'll be the one in control. He sounds too cowardly that he would approach you in any way if you take the wind out of his sails on facebook in front of his 'little boy mates'.

Original poster

hanaka88 · 26/09/2011 02:38

I broke up with him. He asked for his money back until I have him the minimum breakdown for half rent bills and food for a year and it came to £5000! He soon scarpered.

Thanks everyone for all your help

OP posts:

LeBOF · 26/09/2011 02:53

Well thank the universe for that! Well bloody done!

Now just get in with being the world to your boy, reassure him, and get through this change phase together.

Congratulations on losing this WANKER from both your lives.

kat2504 · 26/09/2011 07:23

Well done! I am so pleased for you. And well done for standing up to him about the money. You are well rid of this immature dishonest cocklodger from your lives and I am sure that one day soon you will find a decent man who actually deserves to be in your life! All the best :)

Whatmeworry · 26/09/2011 09:22

Good for you!

AnyFucker · 26/09/2011 09:28

Good for you

Now don't make the mistake of listening to his pretty words and crocodile tears to get you back again

He had his chance, he blew it

mummytime · 26/09/2011 09:47

Congratulations! Thanks for good news today.

kelly2000 · 26/09/2011 09:49

His being an arse does not make you a bad mother. Cheating is obviously in his personality, it id nothing to do with you, you cannot change him.
Defriend and block him on facebook, and any other social networking sites, make sure he does not have keys, and if he starts hammering at your windows and refusing to leave, call the police.

SoftKittyWarmKitty · 26/09/2011 14:14

Well done, I feel really proud of you!

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