Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

about DCs school

57 replies

moonfaceandmrsslap · 25/09/2011 00:59

This has been relayed to me by DH on the phone as I'm away.

This happen on Friday

We have 3 DCs (8, 6 and 4).
In school we have just been given a load of letters and permission slips about Christmas, school tips and a new detail form etc.
DH is severly severly dyslexic (to such an exent that when people ask he just says he can not read and write) the School know this - we have made it clear from when children first started school and make sure individual teacher definatly know.
When he picked middle DC up on friday, teacher came up and said that permission slips for this DC and the others haven't been given in, and that they must be given in etc. Esp as one is a new form about all children (with contact details, any medical needs etc)
I have been away now for a few weeks abroad with work and so missed these forms given out.

DH said to teacher did she understand situation and she said she did but reguardless of that they have to be filled out and the school need them in by tuesday at lastest. DH obvously got very upset about all this.
Now he can 'sign' a form to give permission, but given that he cant read what he is signing or include any of the details - he doesn't like doing it.

Now he is getting a close friend to tell him what the forms are and to write in extra information for him on the permission slips for trips. And we have decided not to give new details form in until i get back (in 2 weeks) - mainly as eldest DC form will be complicated.

Now that is fine, we are use to it and have ways of dealing with it -so that isn't really the point.

AWBU to expect the school to after 4 years of our DCs being in school - to know that DH cannt do the paper work and things like that will always be don by me?

and AWBU to think that when we explain it for 100th time, they should accept it and assist us? (eg get it though their thick heads that if they given eldest a writting homework to be done with help from parents while I am away that it will not be done with a parent or such forms like that will be late)

OP posts:

cat64 · 25/09/2011 15:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

LIZS · 25/09/2011 15:11

It is hardly their fault if you are away for such long periods and I'm sure you;d be quick to judge if, for example, they could n't contact you in an emergency because the data wasn't up to date or your dc missed a trip. Agree your 8yo shodul eb abelot help out or your dh coudl ask to go through it verbally with the school secretary. She ahs given your dh 4 days in which to find a way around the difficulty. What happens with other admin type letters which come while you are away ?

CocktailQueen · 25/09/2011 15:23

YABU to expect the school to make provision for you being away IMO. The school has a lot of admin to get done at the start of a new term - maybe you should have remember this from previous years and been sure to do it/ask the school about it??

Also YABu to expect the school to time any homework which needs parently help for when you are in the country!!!

Original poster

moonfaceandmrsslap · 25/09/2011 19:29

Thank you all very much.

Just a few things. Yes our 8yo could read the form or he could get someone in school toread it to him - but please have some empathy he is a 36 yr old man whos children can read better than him, can you imagine what it would be like for him to get our child or school to read it for him? (sometimes peoples feelings about these things are there and stop you doing them even if in your head it would solve some problems). It is same as why he felt awful about a teacher coming up to him and saying he must do it.
We are getting a close friend of DH to do permission slips etc. But the other form is not just a contact detail form it is a medical ones with all the trimmings (yes with 2 we could get the friend to do) but our eldest has a serious medical condition and so it requires all the stuff about DC - we want to be able to do that ourselves.

And we are not expecting them to change h/w at all - but we are expecting them not to tell DC that they were told to do it with a parent and when DC said that they had, say that they obviously haven't.
We have a meeting with the school at the beginning of each year about DH and chilren and make sure to speak to each teacher as well (which we have already done)

OP posts:

worraliberty · 25/09/2011 19:34

he is a 36 yr old man whos children can read better than him, can you imagine what it would be like for him to get our child or school to read it for him?

No different to having a meeting with the school every year to discuss his dyslexia I would imagine?

At the end of the day we can all have as much empathy as we like but that doesn't change the fact the school needs these important forms in early.

So you need to ask them to fax them to you incase something serious happens. It's your responsibility as parents to see this happens without delay.

worraliberty · 25/09/2011 19:35

Meant to add...especially if your child has a serious medical condition.

coccyx · 25/09/2011 19:36

Your husband needs to get some help. how silly to be embarrassed that 8 year old is a better reader. Do something about it. !!!

Original poster

moonfaceandmrsslap · 25/09/2011 19:40

Actually worra for him it is different - he hates going into school, he is a bits about doing it and it takes him a lot to do it. But does so with me there (in professional mode). And actually telling a headteacher about him being seriously dyslexic is completely different (for him) than getting his 8 yo to read for him. That makes him feel about an inch tall. It doesn't make anysense, and on paper it maybe the same to you. But to him in that situation it makes all the difference in the world.

OP posts:

worraliberty · 25/09/2011 19:42

Fair enough but why haven't you mentioned anything about the fax suggestions so many have offered?

You really can't expect the school to bend over backwards for him if you or he aren't going to help the situation too.

ScarlettIsWalking · 25/09/2011 19:52

So your child has a serious medical condition and these important forms are not updated or filled in because of really bad planning on your part. That is absolute madness, seriously.

Look, I have anxiety issues, really bad ones that are crippling at times and prevent me from living a "normal" life. But for my child's sake I make sure I have things in place to make sure my shortcomings do not effect her education or well being. You need to make the school aware when you are going away - they could get the forms to you by another means which would save all this stress.

You really can't blame the school for insisting on legal documents are filled in on time for the well being of your DC. How difficult for the school.

Original poster

moonfaceandmrsslap · 25/09/2011 19:52

thank you worra fax not possible here. But am going to talk to him tonight/today, so may suggest that we phone school on monday and get them to email me the health stuff form here. I know that really - it is just that we have not had this problem in previous years with the DCs.

and excuse me coccyx ?!?!?

OP posts:

Original poster

moonfaceandmrsslap · 25/09/2011 19:55

scarlett new forms, they are replacing the old ones that we have filled out previously within every inch of their lives (so not updated or bad planning at all). And we did tell school that I would be away

OP posts:

lljkk · 25/09/2011 19:56

Don't the school already have all your contact details? I don't understand why a new form has to be filled in, can't they just ask him to check off a box if nothing has changed since last year? Would that still be just as challenging to get filled in?

cjbartlett · 25/09/2011 20:07

Does he know he can take forms to Cab and people will help him?

cjbartlett · 25/09/2011 20:08

Also would he consider an adult literacy course?

ScarlettIsWalking · 25/09/2011 20:33

Oh this certainly IS bad planning on your part moon

Or do you think the school are at fault here? You can't keep blaming others for your own failings. And by that I don't mean your husbands Dyslexia, I mean your lack of planning and organisation to compensate for something as important as this.

SuchProspects · 25/09/2011 20:37

I really want to butt in here and say, despite what some posters are saying, please do not make your 8 yr old son your DH's reader for letters/forms from school. Your DH will have no way of knowing what those forms etc. are about until they are read. Every now and then something from school will be something your child should not hear in that format, or should not have to feel responsible about breaking to his dad.

It sounds like your DH could do with some counseling around his disability. Understanding his feelings and exploring coping mechanisms. It must feel awful to want to avoid a massive part of his DC's life (and presumably there are other things he finds very difficult too). I still think YABU blaming the school for the situation. But I can see why your would be upset when your DH is struggling so much.

voddiekeepsmesane · 25/09/2011 20:39

Wow people have no idea sometimes! Moon in a different way I know exactly where you are coming from. DP is blind and has the same issues with ds and school. If I am not around DP can only go by what ds (who is only 7) says what is written. He can sign if ds places his finger at the place where it needs to be signed and DP can write beside it but thats about it as far as reading or writing is concerned (obviously).

Our school is great though they will email me or call me to let me know if DP picks up ds then DP and I will talk about what he needs to do (or not do as the case may be) They allow us extra time if I am not around to return permission slips as long as I have talked to them either by phone or by email.

As far as I am concerned the school should be helping you as a family to make things easier to function as a family without stress and to have as little impact on the children as possible.

dribbleface · 25/09/2011 21:14

an adult literacy course will not help, dyslexia is not something that can be overcome by reading classes, there are strategies that can help but not in all cases.

cat64 · 25/09/2011 21:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

cory · 25/09/2011 21:31

voddie, it is precisely because I do have an idea of what it is like living with disability that I think it is important to have plans in place- particularly for a situation which is foreseeable such as this

The OP has nowhere suggested that she had emailed or phoned the school to let them know she would be away, so we don't know that her school wouldn't be as great if given the chance.

voddiekeepsmesane · 25/09/2011 21:53

"and AWBU to think that when we explain it for 100th time, they should accept it and assist us? (eg get it though their thick heads that if they given eldest a writting homework to be done with help from parents while I am away that it will not be done with a parent or such forms like that will be late)"

I took from that last paragraph of the OP's that they had already tried over the years to explain and try to put in place strategies. Though I may have read that wrong.

cory · 25/09/2011 22:24

It is one thing to explain the general situation, it is another to keep the school updated on the current situation (the OPs absence) and let them know how the OP would like them to deal with this.

Just telling them that "such forms will be late" doesn't seem to me like a strategy for dealing with the situation- : sometimes forms need to be in on time.

Original poster

moonfaceandmrsslap · 25/09/2011 22:55

And we did tell school that I would be away
Thankyou Voldy and Such

OP posts:

worraliberty · 25/09/2011 22:56

Are you in the UK?

Flip

1 2 3