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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

chidren's party: judgy pants pulled up so high I've got a wedgy!

72 replies

tittybangbang · 24/09/2011 17:40

6th birthday party. 25 (ish) children present of all ages from 1 to 14. 5 adults including me, though three hardly moved out of the kitchen. 4 of the children have autism, my son included (he has aspergers). Party held on a housing estate in london - house near the end of a cul de sac containing approximately 60 properties, so not a quiet little back water.

Arrived to find a dozen children (almost all under 8) playing on bikes in the road outside the house, all adults inside. Back door open, front door open, side passage gate open, so children are free to come and go as they please. Children on bikes tearing up and down, no helmets on. On and off pavements and regularly disappearing from view into a small car park at the end of the cul de sac. The two babies tottered around between the bikes.

I ended up spending a lot of the party standing outside shouting at the children not to go too far down the road, sorting out squabbles over the bikes, and ordering the kids off the road as cars drove down it. I'd go indoors for a minute leaving another adult standing there, but come back to find the kids unsupervised again. There was no discussion among the adults as to whether an adult should be outside supervising.

Was amazed that three of my friends left their kids there unsupervised and buggered off. The family hosting the party are really, really lovely, but very young, lots of children and very relaxed about everything. Relaxed in a good way I would have said, up to today. Ie, very attentive, patient and loving at all times with their children. But today I felt very anxious about all the kids - thought it was a bit mad to have them all out in the road.

So mn jury, AIBU to not want to leave my kids (12, 8, 6) there unsupervised and to hover over them and all the other children during the party?

OP posts:
usualsuspect · 24/09/2011 18:04

Would you have felt better if it was in a posh area?

tittybangbang · 24/09/2011 18:06

"Hovering around any other children was completely your choice, if you didnt want to do it, why did you?"

I don't resent doing it. They're such a nice family and the kids had a great time. What I was asking about was whether I was unreasonable not to want to leave my kids there.

I had a very instinctive feeling of - 'no, must stay'. And I tend not to disobey my inner voice when it comes to things like this.

I'm not generally anxious about my kids. You can't be when you live where I do our you'd go a bit mad. I have to send myr 12 year old out the door every day, knowing that the area which I live in has one of the highest murder, drug and gun crime rates in London. Sad

OP posts:
tittybangbang · 24/09/2011 18:07

"Would you have felt better if it was in a posh area?"

Yes. Less likely to get coked up young blokes in cars driving around like maniacs.

OP posts:
usualsuspect · 24/09/2011 18:11

Do you not think people in posh areas do coke?

hahahaha

tittybangbang · 24/09/2011 18:14

usualsuspect - all I know is you see a lot more really terrible driving and there are more police chases and unlicensed, untaxed and uninsured vehicles round my way than in deepest surrey.

OP posts:
MonsterBookOfTysons · 24/09/2011 18:14

YANBU I live in a cul de sac with alot more than 60 properties tbh and I have an 11 month old dd, I couldnt imagine letting her play out near cars and no adults at all.
I also don't think it is fair to expect the older dc to look after the younger dc, if anything happened they would always feel to blame.
I don't agree about the difference with the posh areas, I do live in a posh area and we still have tossers speeding down our cul de sac :)

mercibucket · 24/09/2011 18:16

hmmmm tricky one, well yanbu to be worried about your own kids and I might not have been too happy about the situation, does sound dangerous, but it's up to the other parents what level of risk they accept for their own children so no need to feel obliged to stand out there to watch them. I know why you did it and I would too but you can't feel aggrieved after the event because of that

tittybangbang · 24/09/2011 18:20

"but you can't feel aggrieved after the event because of that"

I don't feel aggrieved.

Just wondering if it was unreasonable of me to feel like I didn't want to leave my dc's there.

OP posts:
pigletmania · 24/09/2011 18:21

YANBU then, as you have to be there to supervise your ds. My dd has developmental delay, she is 4.5 i would supervise her at a party, yes.

mercibucket · 24/09/2011 18:22

cool, well in that case then, so long as you are sure there's no simmering resentment that everyone else got to have a nice time and you had to look after their kids, cos you didn't you know Grin, then I am happy to pronounce you 'not unreasonable' Grin

looneytune · 24/09/2011 18:23

YANBU imo!

Floggingmolly · 24/09/2011 18:30

No, you're not alone, OP, I would have acted as you did. Bit lax all round.

Tota1Xaos · 24/09/2011 18:35

Yanbu. Am surprised by the responses tbh.

42day · 24/09/2011 18:35

imo YANBU at all. Makes me feel unhappy and I wasn't even there!

banana87 · 24/09/2011 18:40

YANBU. DD had her bday party today and some of the kids were inside and some outside and the adults split themselves between being indoors and outdoors so the kids were generally being looked after (except the two that escaped upstairs). I often leave the back gate open so DD can push her pushchair up and down the pavement out back, and although I don't stand there and watch her, I do go out to check on her every 3-5 minutes (about) to check she hasn't gone astray.

alistron1 · 24/09/2011 18:40

YANBU.

lisad123 · 24/09/2011 18:43

I would have done the same I think.

cheeseandmarmitesandwich · 24/09/2011 18:43

Yanbu, I was in a similar situation at a wedding recently. Parents inside drinking, kids age from 2 to about 7 playing out the front on the only patch of grass next to a busy road. I began just keeping an eye on my 3yo but ended up staying out there most of the day as no other parents came out and I was too gutless to go and demand someone swapped shifts

cheeseandmarmitesandwich · 24/09/2011 18:43

Yanbu, I was in a similar situation at a wedding recently. Parents inside drinking, kids age from 2 to about 7 playing out the front on the only patch of grass next to a busy road. I began just keeping an eye on my 3yo but ended up staying out there most of the day as no other parents came out and I was too gutless to go and demand someone swapped shifts

toomuchmonthatendofthemoney · 24/09/2011 18:46

i think YANBU either, i would be uncomfortable with any children (SN or not) being out on a busy road unsupervised if they were not old enough to have fully developed road sense/awareness - about 7 or 8 i would guess (my ds is 5 and a half and would still zip into the road after a ball or to see a nice dog etc)

i wonder if the other parents who did the "dump and run" were aware they were leaving their kids in this situation? if, for example, i left ds at a party in a back garden with the side gate and front door locked, and came back to find them on the road with door and gate open, i would not be chuffed! but as i say he is still only 5.5 and not to be trusted!

defineme · 24/09/2011 18:47

Fine to stay and keep an eye on your kids. As for the rest-let it go -none of your business.
I let my 6 yr old twins out round the block and we do have mad drivers on our street (very posh area so think you may be wrong on that point-the postman is one of the worst here!), but I have rules that they stick to. Letting toddlers out is a bit mental but there's not a lot you can say.

Lol at the woman confiscating lollipops! Just walk away in future-the likelihood of a lolly related fatality is much smaller than the risk of social humiliation.

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 24/09/2011 18:50

YANBU about the party.

YABIrritatinglyU for not using complete sentences in the first two paragraphs of your first post.

NinkyNonker · 24/09/2011 18:51

Yanbu. I also think lollipops on a bouncy castle sounds like an awful idea.

HereIGo · 24/09/2011 18:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pixel · 24/09/2011 18:56

YANBU, I live in a cul de sac that would be considered quiet, most of the residents here are elderly, yet we still get delivery drivers charging up here like maniacs so I wouldn't call it safe enough to use as a playground.