to not encourage dp to go on this night out?

[familyfun]

dp has a friend he has known years who he goes to the pub with sometimes.

last year I got him tickets to a band for his birthday and he went with his mate as i was 8 months pregnant. this year i have again got him tickets for his birthday, he doesnt know this yet, i cant go as dd2 is bf and will be 11 months and we have dd1 too although she could be babysat, i presume he will ask his mate again.

problem is this mate is very ill at present, dp has visited him and mate said when feeling better he would like to go out for a drink and catch up which dp agreed.

mate has phoned suggesting a night out to see a band next month, just after night out i have arranged but dp doesnt know this. it is over 100 miles away, would have to be out most of saturday, band saturday night, sta over or drive back middle of night, then drive home late sunday when hangovers subsided so all weekend gone. would cost a lot for tickets, plus petrol, plus hotel. dp has told me this but hasnt agreed or disagreed to it with mateyet, i think he is hoping i will say oh go it will be fun but we cant afford it, things are really tight and it will mean a weekend on my own with 2 dc and im sure there are closernights out they could have.
if he reallly wants to go then fair enough but i think he just feels he should for friend.
aibu to not say "go for it", and to leave it to him.

Tell him about the tickets youve bought and then he can decide.

Agree with Jeremy - the only thing you can do is to tell him. Wouldn't he just end up going with his mate to the gig you've bought tickets for, rather than both?

I think that you will have to spoil the surprise and tell him about the tickets or at least tell him that you have arranged a surprise that will make the proposed night out difficult.

If you say nothing then one of you will end up feeling resentful, which may taint the birthday surprise.

Could you tell his friend about the tickets?

But if you're going to tell him about the tickets and let him decide, FFS let him decide and abide by his decision. Don't hold it over him.

The world won't come to an end if you're left on your own with the children for a weekend.

You'll just have to give up the surprise elements of the tickets you've bought. If you try and dissuade him from going to this other gig but without explaining why he'll just think you're being a meanypants.

the world wont come to an end no, im a sahm so it means i wont get a rest that weekend at all then he will be out again at the gig i bought tickets for but i suppose its only occasionally he goes out. its my birthday too but i cant go anyway cos of dd2 so no need to ruin it for him.
i think if i told him about the tickets he wouldnt go to the further night aswell.
especially cos of cost, we wanted to go away as a family for our birthdays for a few days in blackpool or haven but i cant find a cheap enogh deal so i suppose im just being mean he may aswell go.

I'd tell his mate about the tickets you've bought and that you were hoping he'd be going with him - looks more like a win-win than a problem to be tbh

not sure telling his mate would work, him and his wife socialise sepately all the time so he would think 2 nights out better than 1.

Just tell this second mate about the tickets. HBe might like to go to that. It can still be your gift to DP.

Tell your husband then that you´ve got him tickets & you´d prefer him just to go to that so that you can all do something together on the other day.

ok, will see what happens when i tell him, im gonna have to paarty next year for my birthday