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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To thinks its NOT ok to sleep with your sisters ex

30 replies

maypole1 · 22/09/2011 17:06

now this has sprung from another thread, and I was horrified at the amount of people who think its ok to shag your sisters ex

They way I was raised is that you never ever sleep, date or kiss your sister or close friends ex unless given express permission To do so

Amount of time elapsed is Irrelevant I haven't seen my Childs father for 12 years but I still would be very cross with my sister snagging him

I just wonder out of all those who think any one is fair game would you be happy for you know husbands to date your sister after you divorce.

OP posts:
BoastingByStealth · 22/09/2011 17:09

Absolutely not! No way, EVER!

Sounds like summat off Jeremy Kyle!

What's the other post?

usualsuspect · 22/09/2011 17:11

People move on

KatieMiddleton · 22/09/2011 17:12

bad form to start a thread about a thread...

nocake · 22/09/2011 17:14

I would never sleep with, date or kiss my sister's ex.

But then I am a straight bloke so it would be a bit wierd if I did Smile

StrandedBear · 22/09/2011 17:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

animula · 22/09/2011 17:17

If only Henry VIII had had you to talk to, Maypole. We might still be a Catholic country. Interesting thought.

Pandygirl · 22/09/2011 17:18

What kind of upbringing involves even having that discussion????????

squeakytoy · 22/09/2011 17:21

I think it is wrong when there are children involved, it throws all sorts of confusion into the mix, especially if the second relationship also produces children.. are they cousins? siblings? uncle, father, or stepfather.... etc.

I know someone whose family is like this, and it has torn them apart.

mpsw · 22/09/2011 17:22

I think they were simply bowing to the inevitable - the relationship had begun.

If the OP had been from the pov of the second sister asking if she should embark on the relationship, then it would have been pretty resounding 'no' (further royal bad example - Diana Spencer teaming up with her sister's ex).

But it was beyond that point.

bumpybecky · 22/09/2011 17:23

my sister has children with my ex, they've been together over 10 years

they thought I'd be really upset when they first got together, but I can honestly say it doesn't bother me at all - I'm happy that they've both found someone that makes them happy :)

I didn't go out with him for long (maybe 6 months) and it was approx 3 years after we split that they got together. It would have been different if we'd still be together when they started!

TakeThisOneHereForAStart · 22/09/2011 17:25

If I had a sister, I would hope that neither one of us was attracted to an ex boyfriend of the other. But I would hope that we could also understand that you can't always help who you fall for, and at least be able to talk to each other about it without it damaging our relationship or one of us 'forbidding' to go anywhere near the man in question etc.

But it's not entirely surprising that this happens, and I think in some cases it could work for the new couple and the ex, and it would be a shame if they never got the chance to find out, just because the 'wrong' sister saw him first.

I suppose if you are the first sister, it depends very much on the relationship you have with your sibling and your ex.

A bad relationship with either would make this a big no-no.

A bad relationship with one and a good relationship with the other would also be tricky.

A good relationship with both (and enough time passed) might make this situation initially awkward but eventually work out with all concerned still getting along just fine.

And if you are the second sister or the ex, your motives would need very careful examination before you went ahead and started the new relationship.

Whatmeworry · 22/09/2011 17:45

iirc it was 4 years between Sis 1 and Sis 2 going out with the same guy and Sis 1 was deeply upset as she felt it Wasn't On.

I think in small communities through history the "not going out with an ex's sibling" would be absolutely dumb, so its a "first world ishoo".

I also think time does have something to do with it. Four weeks later is unforgivable, 4 months later is insensitive, but 4 years.....

What happened to that other thread anyway?

Kladdkaka · 22/09/2011 17:53

I think I'd disown my sister if she did this.

MissPenteuth · 22/09/2011 17:58

It would depend on how I felt about the ex. If I still had feelings for him then my sister having a relationship with him would probably be hurtful. However if we'd parted on good terms and I knew I didn't want to be with the ex then I'd like to think I could see past any weirdness and be happy for them.

Original poster
maypole1 · 22/09/2011 18:22

i think sister 1 has to be ok with it then its fine but otherwise no.

i also dont get mothers who have sex or date their daughters exs is their not enough men in the country

OP posts:
TrillianAstra · 22/09/2011 18:23

YABU

Whatmeworry · 22/09/2011 18:28

i think sister 1 has to be ok with it then its fine but otherwise no

How long does teh veto last? ! month? 1 year? 10 years? At some point it gives out.

Voidka · 22/09/2011 18:31

Well if he is my sisters Ex then there must be something wrong with him.
YANBU.

Feminine · 22/09/2011 18:32

As I said in in the other post its not fantastic ...I wouldn't like it.

But, such is life.

Shit happens.

And believe it or not,there is no law (nor should there be) preventing it.

The other thread indicates they are both over 16, so no crime has taken place.

Have you started this thread because your view is in the minority?

YABU! Grin

thebody · 22/09/2011 18:37

an ex is an ex really isnt it. if it didnt work out between you then why would you want to stop other people being potentially happy together..

however a sister/friend stealing your oh/dh then thats totally unacceptable.

Vallhala · 22/09/2011 18:38

"They way I was raised is that you never ever sleep, date or kiss your sister or close friends ex unless given express permission To do so"

Shock What? Are you sure!

In what parrallel universe does a grown woman have to ask the permission of another woman, regardless of who that woman is, before she dates/kisses/shags someone? I'm damned if I would!

MrsRhettButler · 22/09/2011 18:44

But besides anything else wouldn't it just be a bit eeeeew?

I wouldn't want 'sloppy seconds' Grin

MrsRhettButler · 22/09/2011 18:45

Can someone link to the other thread please?

AuntiePickleBottom · 22/09/2011 18:46

he is an ex, i really don't give a flying fuck who he dips his wick with.

OpenMouthInsertFoot · 22/09/2011 18:53

If we've split up then I no longer have any right to tell him who to be with. Oh yes, it would be weird as hell Grin but you cannot tell someone who they may or may not be with. Even if that person is your sister, mate, cousin, best friend...

Life goes on. People move on. If someone I used to be with years ago falls in love with someone who happens to be related to me/a friend of mine - what right would I have to say no, it would be weird for me me me me me meeeeee, don't have happiness with that person, find someone else.