to ask whether it was you or your DP/DH who wanted DCs "the most"...

[NurseFleischerBaum]

and whether you think this has any bearing on who is the most hands-on parent out of the two of you.

we both wanted kids but i think my dh did not plan as much on having 3 of them so close together, that was more my choice and i do more of the childcare cos i am a sahm and he has long hours but he would not come out with those kind of lines you mentioned about 'you wanted them more so i wont do anything for them', that's quite a disgusting attitude. also he would be happy with 3 (would have been happy with 2 even but obviously that does not mean he doesnt want the 3rd one!) but i want more, so he wouldnt stop me having more either

We both wanted them, but I was the one who wanted them RIGHT NOW. Had a suspected mc after a long pretty traumatic chain of events so was a raging mess of hormones basically.

I spend more time with DD because I'm the SAHP but I often think DH is better and more patient with her than I am.

Our first was accidental but keeping the pregnancy was a mutual decision. I was more hands on as sahmed for a year or so. Second and third were mutual decisions but in all honesty prompted by me. If I had never mentioned it though I suspect dh would have eventually Now it's pretty much 40-60 with me doing slightly more as I work in our home town and dh has a commute to fit in.

DH asked me for a baby, i am the more hands on parent as i work less hours

Dh was definitely the one who pushed for the children, especially ds2 and dd, although I did want children. I am more hands on, mainly because I am the sahp but also because dh isn't great at the baby stuff, he prefers the fun stuff (don't we all!)

We both wanted them, DH wanted them now, I wanted them "in a few years" (and I actually think I would always have wanted them in a few years- I really didn't feel ready, right up until the moment I found out I was expecting, whereupon I turned into Mother Hen) and he eventually talked me into ttc. We are both very hands on, we share the childcare between us, but I probably do most overall.

DH definitely I was completely ambivalent about having a baby. I'd always envisioned going back to work full time and leaving DH working part time or as a SAHD but once she was here I couldn't bear the thought of leaving her 5 days a week so I work part time. DH does his fair share but has admitted that he wouldn't enjoy being a hands on parent full time.

Oh, bran. So sorry.

Dh was definitely the one who wanted children. His idea was to start with three then see how we felt.
I was completely adamant I wouldn't ever have a baby. They bored me (still do TBH).
After a life threatening event I reevaluated my life and decided it would be a good thing. Sods law meant that I found it really hard to conceive. I MC at 22 weeks which was hideous, found out I had both an incompetant cervix and PCOS.
We had one lot of treatment with clomid, it didn't work so I said we'd be childless. Moved to Oman, fell pregnant and DD is 10.4 now.
I do and have always done the majority of childcare being a SAHM. DH is as involved as he can be, currently difficult due to him living in Belgium.
He is brilliant with DD and she adores and misses him.

We both wanted four or five when we got married. Started trying in 1992 and got DS at the end of 94, after an mc at 17 weeks. One more mc after that and ds2 was born at 27 weeks and was with us for a very short time. All boys. DH would have given up but I was determined to carry on as an only child and wanted ds to have a sibling. After the birth of DS 2 I got an infection and the only thing that was keeping me going was to have another baby - went to a private obstetrician and he said not to try until all tests were clear. Had blazing row with dh who said it was a waste and we had to accept what we had and he wasn't spending more than £100 on private consultations; I screamed we would end up living in a caravan before I gave up. Naturally we made up and 51 weeks after ds2 died, dd was born. DH was utterly and completely besotted even though we both wanted a boy and thought we only did boys. Ever since DD has been the £100 baby. 13 years on she is utterly adorable and worth everything we went through - they both are. Only regret is that I didn't have the courage to have a thrid in case we lost another one.

I thought I wanted children and two kids later it's dawning on me that I'm quite a selfish person. Sometimes I just want to be away from them and I wonder what effect this might end up having. I don't want them to think I don't love them and I don't want them to remember their childhood as one of being neglected by their mummy.

And dh keeps dropping hints that he'd like to try for another one. It's because he's holding out for a son. If we had another daughter I would dread to think that he didn't really love her or want her. And I don't think I want another child, sometimes I don't want the ones I have got. I can't have another child in that situation.

That's probably a whole other thread.