to not want to invite my parents for both Christmas and New Year?

[kayteedee]

I'm having all my family to stay for 4-5 days over New Year as my younger brother is returning for a visit with his family after several years abroad - there'll be 12 of us & I'm looking forward to it. My parents (who live 280 miles away) have suggested that they could come for Christmas as well, as they don't have another invitation. I find it hard to say to them you're not invited for Christmas. I would actually like to spend some of the holiday period with my DH, DS and DD without visitors. Am I being mean and selfish? What should I say to them?

You are def NBU if you are having a huge group staying at yours all over NY - you just need to gently put it to your folks that you wil be having quiet time on your own at Christmas. I think you are very good taking on the whole NY thing. I would love to have a quiet Xmas with just dh and dcs where it wasn't me hopping up and down from the crack of day while evryone else sits around eating! (don't mind really by ykwim)

I tend to be in favour of family Christmases. There will be years when parents are gone to spend it without them. I lost my dad when I was little and it gave me the attitude of making every occasion count. DH still has both parents and doesn't see where I'm coming from at all. As far as he's concerned they will always be there! I don't personally feel that Christmas and new year are interchangeable but that's me. That said what works for me needn't work for others. it's up to you to make the decision you feel is right and then inform everyone involved and stick to it.

Thanks for all your thoughts. My heart says I should invite them for the duration but my head says it is too much - and why can't they show some resourcefulness, spend Xmas at their own house and soon afterwards join us for the big family reunion at New Year (although I agree the two events are not interchangeable). I feel it is my mother's fear of being "alone" on Dec 25th, i.e. not with one or other of her DC, rather than a desire to spend Xmas at my house that is behind it. But maybe I am being uncharitable. I doubt whether we will be "on our own" either tbh - we'll probably travel to spend Xmas with DH's family!

Yanbu

I couldn't tolerate my parents, or any other guests tbh, for so long.

Gosh OP as you are doing NY I think that's plenty and you should just say because we are having everyone over for NY e are going to spend Christmas Day just us at home.

The last 2 Christmases which DH and I have lived back in the UK in our current house we have spent Christmas Day together at home and seen Parents or Boxing Day or the day after. Each set of IL's live about an hours drive away and I don't want to spend Christmas Day on the motorway!

Last year DH Parents said "oh why don't you both and Cheshire's Parents come to us for Christmas Day". Sorry but why on earth would my family want to do a 90 minute drive each way (and not have a drink then) and we would have to take the dog too because we would be out of the house at day. Sounds like a right PITA. I want to chill out on Christmas day, drink port and eat cheese not veggies that IL's have cooked to within an inch of their life either.

I see nothing wrong with seeing them the week between Christmas and NY but as you will have them for NYE and NYD and everyone else I think that is plenty. Stand firm OP !

You get so few christmases with t he children while they're little. Christmas is the one time of year that I'm massively protective and controlling about. Yanbu.

Well, I can look retrospectively. Christmas is a time for families, the more the merrier. It doesnt have to be a big affair, it's about time together.

From my perspective, I'd give anything to have Christmases like we had when I was growing up; with a house full of aunts, uncles, cousins, - but you cant do that when your parents are dead.

And I have to say I find it quite sad to think of your M&D wanting to spend time with you and you cant be bothered with them. They're a long time time dead and you'll be full of 'what ifs' and 'remember whens'

So I'm coming firmly down in the YABU camp.

Actually, Christmas is hideous now - it's like a boring Sunday with a bit more cooking and clearing up thrown in.

I'd start a new tradition. Twenty eight years is a long time to cater to everyone else's whims. Have a quiet one. Enjoy it, then wind up ready for the new year:)