WIBU to ask her to stop, and WSBU to refuse?

[queasynow]

I was on a plane coming home yesterday evening - short-haul, 3 hours. The woman next to me got out loads of papers as soon as she sat down and was making notes from them immediately, with the individual light on. Her male companion was sat across the aisle from her.

She'd obviously been attending some sort of conference as the heading of the notes was CHILD ABUSE and the various subject headings were fairly grim as was the text she was reading/making notes on.

Now, I had a very abusive childhood and have had years and years of therapy to try to deal with it. When I saw the papers - and she kept spilling them out onto me, she dropped them on me at least twice - I could feel a panic attack was coming and felt awful. I was in the middle seat (she was in the aisle).

I thought maybe she'd put away the papers when we took off (she didn't, she put her tray table up spilling more papers on to me and then put it back down immediately we were in the air), or when they brought round drinks etc but she said no to refreshments and kept on.

Then she started discussing child abuse over the aisle with her companion. As she had to raise her voice to do so I could hear what she was saying very clearly. By this point I'd been trying to stay in control for almost an hour and couldn't stand the thought of doing it for another two. I very quietly explained that, while I was pleased she was working to raise awareness and support the victims of child abuse, as an adult child of an abusive family I found being near her very triggering (I usually hate that word but it truly was), and suggested that either I swapped places with her male companion or she did. I was very very polite and spoke extremely quietly.

She refused and said that her work was important and she needed to make her notes, she didn't want to move or swap with me, she was 'comfortable', and "what do you want me to do, not ever work in public in case it upsets someone?" She also said "you've obviously had a lot of therapy to feel able to talk to me, I applaud you for that", but kept right on.

I got very distressed and ended up asking the person next to me (in the window seat), to swap with me which he did despite being completely bemused. The rest of the flight was terrible and I have had a really really bad night.

WIBU? WSBU?

She sounds like a right treat! Why on earth is she working in that area if she has no compassion, I wonder?

Hope you are feeling better now.

YANBU well done for speaking up. You cant help what she then did by being so insensitive/rude/unproffessional. Try and focus on the fact that you are proud about having spoken up and not the fact that she did the wrong thing.

Hope you feel better soon.

If I had said 'excuse me, I really don't like to see the heading of child abuse when I'm trying to read Grazia' she would have been in the right to continue, because ultimately that would be me being precious. That's not what happened in this case, OP you had an almost phobic reaction - you use the word 'triggering' and she should have respected that, of course she should.

To put it in another context - some people have a phobia about spiders. What if she'd pulled out a big tarantula in a glass box? Would she have been right to insist on keeping it on her tray through the flight, even though I have a phobia of spiders? Of course she wouldn't.

(OP I don't use the spider example to belittle your experience, rather to show another context. YOu were dead right, it must have taken a lot to speak up and I'm sorry this woman obviously has had her empathy chip removed)

That's shocking behaviour. Hope you're feeling okay OP.

You were not being unreasonable, she shouldnt have been discussing such an emotive subject where other people have no choice but to overhear it.

She sounds very insensitive and more so in that she didnt apologise and shut up when politely asked to.

Well I would have been pissed off that she kept dropping her bits of paper all over me and would have told her to keep them to herself, so even without the child abuse aspect YANBU. It is also very rude to have a conversation across someone so I probably would have siad something about that too. She sounds a bloody nightmare tbh, hope you're ok OP.

I'd probably have poured a drink all over her and her papers and/or just let it all out in a massive fit of hysterics - I think you were amazingly self controlled and polite OP, and I really don't think I would have been probably with less provocation, I am a grumpy old cow and the older I get, the less tolerance I have for smug superior self important fuckwittage like hers.

You should be proud of yourself for managing to speak up.

It would have been nice if she had shown more consideration.