to expect this boy to apologise to DD

[Toomanyworriedsonhere]

On friday night DD was whacked by a friend of DS. He used his folded up scooter as a weapon and left a big bruise on her forearm. They were all playing in the park and my babysitter was in charge so she just brought my DCs home. I phoned the parents, who I know well and told them about it. On mon morning spoke with the Dad and he told me how his DS (aged 8) felt under siege, that there are two sides to the story etc. All the kids were playing a game throwing seeds at eachother and at the time this happened 3 boys were playing against my DD.

As far as I'm concerned this child crossed the 'don't hit' line and needs to see the damage he did to DD and say sorry to her.

Ach....I'm beginning to think the OP is relishing a gossip and a bit of bosom hoiking out of this fairly trivial matter.

OP - he shouldn't have done it, but it won't do your dd any harm to realise that you have to ca' canny with certain individuals as well.

I think it's a cultural thing - they are Israeli and children seem to be out and about much more without supervision at an earlier age than I would feel comfortable with in the families we know.

I think you are all very wise and I will now try and leave it (and get on with my homework).

It is the second to last straw for me, though. If anything else happens my DCs will not be allowed to play with him outside school again.

I love the idea of bosom hoiking - I really don't have one. How lovely to be able to hoik.

I've never posted in AIBU before and I genuinely am looking for advice, the consensus seems to be IABU so I will try and take that!

We all understand how it pissed you off OP. We've most of us been there ourselves.
However, we all also understand that there are two sides to every story, and children can be quite adept at steering things away from what they did wrong in these retellings.

It's difficult as a parent when you're sure your child is being truthful, and they have been compromised in some way, but whether you're 8 or 80, it's a fact of life, and kids have to learn for themselves who to give the time of day to, and who to avoid.

Making him apologise will simply escalate the situation now. Well done you for being sensible.

Are we all googling 'London plane trees' now to see what these dastardly seeds are like?

Busted

Me too

I'm struggling with the idea a child could hit with a scooter! They are fairly heavy, so how did he hit her with it? Swung like a baseball bat? Or holding both ends up in front if him in self defence? ( he was under siege by having loads of seed things thrown?)

He does have a violent temper - he regularly upsets his classmates

He's hit your daughter with a scooter, leaving her bruised and you're going to let her play out with him again why exactly?

Stop (scooter-) bashing the OP. Clouting someone with a heavy metal scooter is unacceptable at any age. Doing it deliberately at the age of 8 is not impressive.

If the kid who did it is a nightmare, steer clear. Don't go over the top demanding UN-style apologies and public hand-wringing, it only makes you look neurotic. He's been rebuked - job done.

I think you are making too big a deal out of it.

Wow, i am surprised at some of the responses on here.
IMO , it is NEVER ok to hit anyone, with anything, and such things ought to be stopped.
To allow a child of any age to think it could be acceptable to hit someone because they annoyed you is not a good thing to do at all.
Out of interest, at what age do people think a child should learn to stop lashing out?

Hello voices of reason.
The scooter was folded up. She was on her own against 3 boys. He is bigger than her. He could not justifiably have felt under siege. The Dad is a psychologist!!

The trouble with steering clear, which is my first reaction, is that he's one of DS's few school friends so it is not easy to avoid him. My standard reaction to trouble in the park is to advise the DCs to walk away not wade in myself. It is complicated because we know the family well and the boy has been to stay here a couple of times.

I think children should be starting to learn to not lash out as soon as they play with other children. When they actually stop is another matter!

I suggest you let it go, Toomany.

Your DD will forget and forgive long before you do, OP.

I have actually decided not to go for an apology since neither parent was there.

I would love to be clear that the parents of this boy have told him that it's not okay to hit. full stop. however he feels.

I'd be advising my DC to steer well clear of this boy, at least until he learns to control his temper.

I think he probably crossed a line but dragging it up now will serve no purpose. Your babysitter should have dealt with it at the time.