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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who's in the right here me or DH?

17 replies

TheFeministsWife · 19/09/2011 22:49

I had a minor OP today. Got home from the hospital at around 4pm. DH had the day off work to look after kids and my mum was also around to help. I pretty much went up to bed after getting back as I was feeling pretty whacked and sore. DH was giving the kids their tea and was then going to take my mum home.

I presumed he would wait until the kids had finished their tea and then taken them with him. But he didn't. He dished their tea up and then took my mum home leaving them in front of the TV and me upstairs in bed asleep. I didn't know he'd gone until I was woken up by him slamming the front door when he got back. So was asleep whilst he was out. I wasn't immobile so if the kids had needed me for anything then I could have gotten out of bed. But I wasn't in "parent mode" IYSWIM as I thought DH was downstairs so went into a deep sleep.

I think he shouldn't have gone, and should have either taken them with him or woken me up so I could have come downstairs and watched them albeit whilst dosing on the couch. The kids are 8 and 5 and he would have been gone for around 20 minutes max.

It won't happen again as I've told him I'm not comfortable and he should tell me in future and he will. But I was just wondering if I'm in the right or if I'm overreacting a bit (as DH thinks I am)?

OP posts:
Original poster
TheFeministsWife · 19/09/2011 22:50

Shit! This should be in Parenting, sorry. Blush

OP posts:
nomorelego · 19/09/2011 22:51

I'd feel the same as you.

BlueKangaroo22 · 19/09/2011 22:52

No, I don't think you are BU, he should have at least stuck his head round the door and said 'I'm just taking your mom home, the kids are downstairs watching tv, I won't be long' or words to that effect!

Hope you're okay after your op! x

MaureenMLove · 19/09/2011 22:52

I'm sure the kids were very mindful of poorly mummy upstairs and he had your best interests at heart, but it would't have hurt to at least acknowledge that he was going out and to 'hand over' responsibility of the kids to you. Suprised that your Mum sanctioned it too, tbh. Even if you stayed in bed, you'd have had a parental ear to the ground.

Hope you're not too sore and get well soon. Smile

FabbyChic · 19/09/2011 22:53

He should have told you he was leaving them, that's all.

ramblingmum · 19/09/2011 22:54

Do the dc ever get it the morning and go down stairs befor you are a wake? I'm not sure that this would be very different.

aldiwhore · 19/09/2011 22:54

YANBU.... but no harm done, don't dwell on it, rest!!

She should have taken the kids or waited until they were in bed yes, BUT at 8 and 5, surely they'd wake you if something was wrong????

Not ideal, but not a deal breaker and not something to be dwelling on right now when you need to rest. Wait til you're better, then CALMLY have a conversation... when you start it, in your intoduction to the debate Wink flip it.. ie "If you were ill in bed, and my mother was round, what do you think the best thing to do would be"... its less agressive, and hopefully, he'll stumble headlong into the trap and when he realises will sulk, but you've still won. x

squeakytoy · 19/09/2011 22:54

Considering the first you knew of it was when he got back, the fact that you were not "out of it", and the eldest is 8, then yes, you are being a bit unreasonable in my view.. it was only 20 minutes..

Spero · 19/09/2011 22:54

Depends a lot on the children. If the 8 year old is sensible, can't see anything wrong with it. Probably didn't want to wake you up and didn't want to disrupt children.

HeadfirstForHalloween · 19/09/2011 22:56

He could have told you he was nipping out, but maybe he didn't want to wake you? At the ages of 5 and 8 I think they're old enough to know to come up to you if they have a problem. YANBU though, you've had an op and are tired :)

Spero · 19/09/2011 22:57

Agree with rambling mum - if my dd (6) wants to get up at 7am on Saturday, she goes down and watches TV, sometimes I am quite deeply asleep but she would come and get me if she needed me.

As she is just watching TV, nothing awful has yet happened to her.

AnyFucker · 19/09/2011 22:59

I am with your husband on this one

Original poster
TheFeministsWife · 19/09/2011 23:01

Actually yes I didn't think of it like that. We'll quite often have a lie in at the weekend whilst the kids will get themselves up and have breakfast and watch TV. I suppose it is pretty much the same thing. I think it's just because I didn't actually know he'd gone, at the weekend I can hear them get up and I'm aware of them being downstairs alone.

Anyway not an issue any more he's said he'll always let me know first in future and can see why it bothered me. Thanks for the replies. Smile

OP posts:
MumblingRagDoll · 19/09/2011 23:02

I asked on here if I could go to the shops while DH was in bed from a night shift and DD aged 7 was watching TV...I got a resounding NO!

All the people on here told me it as unfair on DH to go up and tell him even if he stayed in bed because he would have his ear "open"

Funnny how it' different when it's a man involved!

YANBU OP! He should NOT have done it.

aldiwhore · 19/09/2011 23:03

Glad its resolved! You are both right, but yes, he should have told you... re the weekend thing, I always have a parental ear out... unless I know DH is already up in which case I switch off... so knowing he's not there makes a difference.

Get well soon.

Spero · 19/09/2011 23:07

MumblingRag, well, you wouldn't have got a 'no' from me. I don't care which parent is the sleeping one. I do think we are losing the plot a bit when it comes to risk assessments re our own children in our own homes.

When I have posted on these threads before people are saying you can't nip to the shops for even 5 mins in case you get hit by a car on the way back or the house spontaneously combusts.

HeadfirstForHalloween · 19/09/2011 23:09

You wouldn't have got a no from me either Mumbling. A 7 year old is quite capable of going up to the sleeping parent if there is a need.

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