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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be a little pissed off my husband has booked a skiing holiday

28 replies

cazzybabs · 19/09/2011 21:57

..he loves skiing - I hate it! I tried it and hated it! He loves it and our children love it. He took them last year - I stayed at home (I don't want to sit in a ski resort with nothing to do). This year he has booked another one! Our house is OK but I really wanted him to spend money buying nice things for our house - a nice sofa, dining table. All our furniture has come from friends who were going to throw it away! So I know I am being selfish but I just want a few nice things in our house. Plus I also think holidays should be spend together .. I would never book a riding holiday because he would hate it...grghhhh

OP posts:
Carrotsandcelery · 19/09/2011 21:59

Oh dear.

Is there any money left over?

Could you go off on a riding holiday somewhere with a friend while he is away with the dcs?

aldiwhore · 19/09/2011 22:00

Book a riding holiday, alone, and enjoy it.

slavetofilofax · 19/09/2011 22:00

Does he know you wanted to spend money in the house? And what do you mean you wanted him to spend money on the house? It's your money as much as his isn't it?

It seems very wierd that you don't discuss holidays before they are booked.

eurochick · 19/09/2011 22:00

There are plenty of things to do in ski resorts other than skiing - skating, swimming, snowmobiles, cross country skiing (v different to the downhill kind) or just sitting in a cafe looking at the lovely scenery, eating fondu and drinking gluwein. Go with them and enjoy a few days off.

AuntiePickleBottom · 19/09/2011 22:00

yanbu, a family hoilday should be what all the family wants to do

MatLeaveForever · 19/09/2011 22:00

I agree with you about the skiing but do you not talk about how you spend your money before he booked the holiday?

Original poster
cazzybabs · 19/09/2011 22:02

Well I did suggest he bought a new sofa instead of me going skiing but that seems to be forgotten ... or he could go alternative years and buy something for the house .. but he doesn't thing there is anything wrong with our furniture (which I guess there isn't ... it all mismatches and is falling apart but I know we are luckly to have it blah blah blah .. I just want a nice sofa - a comfy one to sit on)

OP posts:
backwardpossom · 19/09/2011 22:03

YANBU - just spend the entire holiday getting merde-visaged in the bar. Grin

Original poster
cazzybabs · 19/09/2011 22:04

he is so funny about money ... he won;t have a joint bank account .. and as he earns about 3 times as much as I do I constanty get pissed off .. it is all about balance of power in relationships and I need to be more assertive but I can't be because I can't bear to fight .. so he gets what he wants and then says "well you got to have 4 children"

OP posts:
AKMD · 19/09/2011 22:04

It's a bit weird that he booked a holiday without consulting you. I'd be more worried about that TBH. Did he know that you wanted to spend money on the house or have you just been dropping hints that he's failed to pick up?

There's plenty to do in a ski resort other than ski. If it's boooked, go with them and have some fun! Most resorts will have a spa of some kind that you could chill out at, or use eurochick's suggestions.

YANBU in general though. DH loves resort holidays and I can't stand them. I'd be really hacked off if he booked one without telling me.

Original poster
cazzybabs · 19/09/2011 22:05

slavetofilofax - :) I think lots of people do weird things .. this is our weird thing! We do not communicate about holdiays

OP posts:
fluffles · 19/09/2011 22:05

i'm sorry you don't like it but he loves skiing and your children love skiing and it's a healthy wonderful pursuit (though not so great for the environment)... can you tell i'm biased?

did he book you on the holiday this time too? if not, then just be glad of the week to yourself and maybe look elsewhere in the budget to save for the sofa..

personally i could NEVER choose a sofa over a week in the mountains and sunshine.

StewieGriffinsMom · 19/09/2011 22:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MatLeaveForever · 19/09/2011 22:09

He does sound very controlling - it shouldn't matter who earns more money, you're meant to be a partnership. Go on the holiday to see your kids enjoy themselves at least and steal his credit card and buy the house stuff you want.

Original poster
cazzybabs · 19/09/2011 22:10

fluffles - :) you see actually we did sort of discuss it but then I can see how I am being all selfish .. it is not his fault I hate skiing and that in my personality I would rather spend time with my family than on separate holidays (plenty of time when the kids get older).

I have never posted on AIBU ... my husband is lovely! It is just he likes skiing and I would like to have a lovely house!

OP posts:
troisgarcons · 19/09/2011 22:12

You know what - you could be me writing that post... but I read your post and think "no one will have memories of a nice sofa or a dining room table" but they will have memories of a holiday where so much fun is had.

But if its really not up your street, then let the rest of the family have some fun time without you. (personally I'd be waving them taa'raa and having a lovely time in my chalet with a long languid baths, and a decent book!)

aldiwhore · 19/09/2011 22:15

Nick his card, buy the sofa!!

That would be wrong, but it would solve part of the problem!

carriedababi · 19/09/2011 22:18

why don't you can his holiday, what a nob head he is.

should be your turn to pick

do you both like beach or city breaks?

Original poster
cazzybabs · 19/09/2011 22:20

becuase I love him ... and I would never moan to him or anyone else in real life because I am too nice ... but that is what MN's for ... plus I can tell him MN has said I am allowed to be pissed of with him :) - that is the point of MN so I can say to dh "on Mn it said ..."

OP posts:
DorisIsAPinkDragon · 19/09/2011 22:29

I think you can love him and moan (or at least discuss how his actions impact on you and the rest of the family).

You seem to think being nice and never moaning is somehow good... it is, but only if you don't get taken for granted (at best) fall into a weird submissive relationship (at worst).

He holds the power in your relationship and you are too afraid to challenge that.

I think you need to resign yourself to many many more years of your family disappearing for fun holidays whilst you get left behind at home.

Not what I would want for my future, but each to their own.

clam · 19/09/2011 22:29

God, that's the last thing I'd tell my DH. That I'd read on MN that he's wrong!

DorisIsAPinkDragon · 19/09/2011 22:31

Oh an has he by any chance told you you are "selfish" for not wanting the family to go skiing Hmm.

It's nt selfish if you take it in turns to suggest where the family goes, it IS selfish to do what you want regardless of you partners preferences.

The more I look at your posts the more i see and very sad situation.

StewieGriffinsMom · 19/09/2011 22:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DorisIsAPinkDragon · 19/09/2011 22:33

I agree clam - MN gives me the courage of my convictions but I definitely don't reveal that to dh. I am strong enough to fight my own battles (with a few tips picked up from here Grin)

ChippingIn · 19/09/2011 22:33

He's lovely? It's not the adjective I'd use for a man who thinks the money he earns is his and the money you earn is yours. He earns more so determines how the family money is spent... NO, Lovely isn't the word I'd use.