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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

too not give a present either?

14 replies

monstersX2 · 19/09/2011 21:41

Long story but will make it short!

My best friend was maid of honour at my wedding, i bought her gift for being moh like i did for all my other bm. She didn't give me and dh a present to which i wasn't fussed about but it did annoy me that she didn't even get us a card, I've kept all our cards and notes and they mean alot to me and thought it was the least you'd do for your bestfriends wedding??

Anyway, shes getting married soon, i'm moh and my husband doesn't want to get her a present as she didnt bother with us. To me it feels wrong not to but also i see his point, (there are other factors with her and things that include money, she is most definatly a taker and im a giver) She keeps saying about how much money she might receive on the day and i don't whether to say anything or not, she never mentioned not getting us something.
AIBU in not giving them more than a card?

OP posts:
aldiwhore · 19/09/2011 21:43

Be the bigger person, give what you'd give if you were playing on an even field ie., if you'd have bought a £20 gift, give her a £20 gift. Not because you're being morally superior (even though you are) but because that's how you do things. I don't believe in gift punishment.

You won't change her either way will you, so stay true to yourself.

TartyMcFarty · 19/09/2011 21:46

Why have you agreed to be MoH if she's annoyed you this much? A friend of mine flung a thoughtless gift at us in a carrier bag 8 months after our wedding but I couldn't bring myself to play the same game, so I gave her and her DH a pretty but modest photo album. Could you leave your grievances about the gift behind you and do similar?

AuntiePickleBottom · 19/09/2011 21:47

you give a present because you want to.

i have been bought up to belive you don't give to recieve you give because you want to

banana87 · 19/09/2011 21:48

I really hate people (and I am not saying you are one of them!) who gift depending on how they were gifted, IYSWIM. There are a whole variety of reasons why she may not have given you anything for your wedding (although the no card thing is a bit Hmm.

I would suck it up and give her a card and a gift (but not money, as it would piss me off that she is talking about how much money she 'expects' to receive, as if people are obligated to give a bride and groom money!).

TrillianAstra · 19/09/2011 21:50

If she is your friend and if you think it is nice to give gifts at weddings then give her a gift

If she is not your friend then don't go to the wedding and don't give her a gift.

alemci · 19/09/2011 21:52

I think you are right to be annoyed. I don't understand how she couldn't even get you a card.

OOH I would still get her something but not spend a great deal. Perhaps you should have told her you were upset about her thoughtlessness a while back. i.e. I got some lovely gifts for my wedding hint hint. just worried in case you gave me a card and we didn't get it.

at my wedding some vouchers were pinched and this does happen

Original poster
monstersX2 · 19/09/2011 21:55

What youre all saying is what i feel ought to do, im not a giver based on what i have or haven't received at all its more dh who doesn't want to get something but its from knowing how she is.
I am friends with her because she has always been the same and i accept that is how she is but not getting us a wedding card did upset me.
They are asking for money in their invites but i don't particularly want her to see how much i'm giving so thinking maybe a wedding album or similar might be a good idea.

Thanks for replies.

OP posts:
ViviPru · 19/09/2011 21:55

God, can't womens' relationships be an utter nightmare at times

slavetofilofax · 19/09/2011 21:57

I would give her a card, and a token present. Like one of those square glass spaceform things, or the sort of tacky keepsakey type things you get in little independant card and gift shops.

Original poster
monstersX2 · 19/09/2011 21:58

alemci I wish i had have bought it up with her, i have hinted a couple of times at how nice it is to look through my cards etc but i wish i'd have said what you said, too late to bring it up now though as my wedding was over 2 yrs ago.

OP posts:
TartyMcFarty · 19/09/2011 22:00

Are you absolutely sure her card wasn't lost?

AKMD · 19/09/2011 22:00

Totally agree with TrillianAstra. Some things just aren't worth hanging on to - either give up the resentment over the present or your friend.

Maybe she didn't give you a present because you were a Bridezilla and made her pay £150 for nude courts to match all the other bridesmaids :o

Original poster
monstersX2 · 19/09/2011 22:06

Maybe it was lost, but coincidental as its the only one, i wish i'd have asked!

Lol AKMD I certainly did not but i think i rembember reading about that incident and was shocked! She did offer to buy her own bm dress though as i was buying many but she chose her own and it was £15, i am buying my own for hers too btw.

OP posts:
olibeansmummy · 19/09/2011 23:32

I agree, be the bigger person and get her a card and token gift but NOT money definatly.

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