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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that I would be able to work FT?

29 replies

NacMacFeegle · 19/09/2011 13:35

Single mum, 3 children, one with mild additional needs (mentioned for clarity only!), youngest 2, eldest 8.

Job is term time only, 60 mile round trip away, working in quite a challenging environment.

WDYT, mumsnet jury?

Cons that I can see - never seeing children (will be out of the house 7-5), loss of contact with DC's school (it's helpful IMO to see them each day) and children being with CM each day. They spend Sat night with their father. I would literally not see them. And I'll be KNACKERED.

BUT I really want to do it, it's a dream job. AIBU to want to do this?

OP posts:

squeakytoy · 19/09/2011 13:38

Its not practical, unless you can move nearer to the job maybe.

It isnt unreasonable to want to do it, but it really doesnt sound like it would be a feasible option.

A 60 mile trip is a lot on a daily basis, even harder in winter. Your children are young and you would be missing out on their lives as well as them missing out on having you in it.

Fiendishlie · 19/09/2011 13:38

It might be a dream job, but it sounds like you would be miserable. I don't think I would do it, but others will probably come along and say if you don't try it you'll never know.

CMOTdibbler · 19/09/2011 13:39

yanbu - you'll see them for a good two hours every evening, a proprtion of the weekend (and be able to get all your cleaning done when they aren't there so it will be quality time) and all the school holidays. Sounds pretty good to me tbh

holidaysoon · 19/09/2011 13:40

can you ask ex to change his night maybe offer him two weeknights?!!
Can you work weekends rather than weekdays or would flexitime help?
Can you move closer?

how bad is the work environment?

good luck with deciding whatever you decide there will be times when you feel guilty be kind to yourself

Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 19/09/2011 13:43

And you'd have holidays.

Any chance of renegotiating custody so he sees them every second weekend but has them during some of the week?

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 19/09/2011 13:44

YANBU to want it....but it sounds like it is going to be unsustainable for any period of time....sorry!!

cornflowers · 19/09/2011 13:45

Good suggestion holidaysoon!

PopcornMouse · 19/09/2011 13:52

YANBU to want to work, to better your lives financially, or to have a career and life of your own. But is it practical?

I did that drive for a year, and though an hour each way (assuming it's motorway?) doesn't sound far, the reality is that on top of a full day working, it's hard.

Can exP take them on a weeknight or two instead? or even a Friday night instead of Saturday? Is there any possibility of relocation?

Original poster

NacMacFeegle · 19/09/2011 13:57

No feasible relocation, DS1 happy and settled, not risking it! XH prefers not to have them when he's working, but alternate Friday/ Sat might work :s

I worked FT from DD was 6 wks until DS2
was 8 months, but without commute.

Hols are good here, 9 weeks in the summer! No option of flexi, no sports days off etc.

I think I have to go for it, really. Would love to be off benefits (currently on WTC and CTC as PT on a min wage job)

OP posts:

porcamiseria · 19/09/2011 14:08

why not try it? I think the fact that its term time sways me, and unlike most mums that work FT you will get holidays with them.

and home by 5pm every day, thats great! I get home later than you, and I still feel like I have time with 2

what happens if any of them fall sick? have you a plan

good luck and good for you I say

mumblechum1 · 19/09/2011 14:17

Term time only sounds fab!

I do a fifty mile trip every day and it only takes me 40 mins (mainly motorway). You'll be home by 5 every night, so only an hour or so after your kids get home, and if you can get some flexibility from your ex, then go for it.

You'll be off with them for what, 16 weeks a year? That's a third of the year!

eurochick · 19/09/2011 14:21

Try it. Plenty of my friends work FT with kids and are out of the house for a similar amount of time. It would be reasonable for the ex to alternate Saturdays with you though if you are both working FT.

Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 19/09/2011 14:22

XH might 'prefer' that you are working fulltime, though, won't that ease his own financial commitment? (Or doesn't it? I'm not clear on whether maintenance is dependent on custodial parent's income). And anyway, it's a bit ridiculous that you can't accept your dream job because he prefers not to have his own children during the week. That's worth pushing back on, surely?

Original poster

NacMacFeegle · 19/09/2011 14:33

He doesn't pay maintenance anyway atm, so not even bothering to factor it in!

OP posts:

pinkdelight · 19/09/2011 14:42

Your XH is lucky that you take his preference into account. What about your work? As I see it, if you got this job, your circumstances would change and you would be well within your rights to renegotiate so he has them for a weekday or two. You're both the parents, you both work, it needs compromise.

pinkdelight · 19/09/2011 14:42

"He doesn't pay maintenance anyway atm, so not even bothering to factor it in!"

Then he's even more lucky. And a git, if you don't mind me saying.

Original poster

NacMacFeegle · 19/09/2011 14:45

Not at all pinkdelight, something I say myself on a regular basis!

OP posts:

laptopdancer · 19/09/2011 14:49

Is there anyway you could take it and renegotiate hours after you are settled in?

Original poster

NacMacFeegle · 19/09/2011 15:00

Tricky - it's teaching. I'll ask about jobshare though.

OP posts:

aleene · 19/09/2011 15:04

Are you going to have prep and planning and correcting to do in the evening? You have to factor that in too.

Original poster

NacMacFeegle · 19/09/2011 15:08

Yep, but I'm used to that - it will get done evenings/ weekends/ holidays!

OP posts:

SwingingBetty · 19/09/2011 15:37

what would be best for your children?

messydeskmessymind · 19/09/2011 15:43

go for it. if it doesn't work out after a couple of terms you can reconsider (and give them plenty of notice to recruit). Better to try and then find it doesn't work than to pass up the chance and forever wonder.

JugsMcGee · 19/09/2011 15:49

I have a 50 mile round trip commute and am also out of the house 7-5. Currently on maternity leave but will be going back part time. Not sure I could do it full time, especially if DS was away on a Saturday too. If you and exH are working FT then do you think he'd compromise to have the DC on a work night too? It would be fairer that way.

JugsMcGee · 19/09/2011 15:50

Forgot to add that having the school holidays off would probably sell it to me.

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