to wonder why my friend just walked straight past me

[knittynoodle]

I went into the same restaurant as her at the weekend. I didnt realise at the time but she was in a window seat and must have seen me not only walk past the window, but come in and wait to be seated. Our table was behind hers.

I saw some of her party and recognised one of them as her work colleague. As their party got up to leave, the friend I was eating with said "Hey! Isnt that xxx?" I turned round and looked straight into the face of my friend and I went to mouth Hello but she quickly walked out of the door! I saw her glance back through the restaurant window. The friend I was eating with said she had looked over a few times but she wasnt sure it was her.

I text her yesterday just saying I thought Id seen her out, and my usually responsive friend has said nothing. AIBU to think something is up or am I being paranoid? This is not like her, she would normally have come over and sampled something off my plate, chatted etc. The only thing I can think of is that she didnt like the friend I was eating with or that the colleague dislikes me, and that put her off but surely an adult wouldnt let that worry them and would still just say hello?!

Also, before anyone says it : She DEFINITELY saw me. She looked straight into my face.

possibly she didnt see you. I am short sighted but never wear glasses and often dont notice people I know even if I'm looking directly at them. I have to focus and squint if they are across the room. Sometimes I'm looking straight at them thinking 'is that so and so' but dont acknowledge them because I'm not sure and I'm thinking of other things, which could be why she glanced back. On other occasions I've waved at people and they havent waved back, suggesting it wasnt who I thought it was, which makes me kind of reluctant to do it in future unless I'm sure its the person I think it is!

ps I do wear specs when I'm driving :)

People often say they saw me somewhere, or once, even physically bumped right into me, and I blanked them. I don't mean to do it at all.
My mind must be on higher things. Or I am daydreaming about cakes or something. Actually, another time, my best friend was sat opposite me on the train saying "Hello... Hi... Hey withLain!" I only registered her when she kicked my leg. God, I am crap. I probably have something wrong with me actually. Argh.

This with your friend sounds like she did notice you though. Hmm. It's a mystery. Were you much more glamorous than usual? Could she have thought "That super smart woman looks just like my pal Knitty"?

Possibly she thought you'd ignored her. After all you didn't see her initially and she might have waved ot tried to attract your attention unsuccessfully.

Why don't you just phone her, like real friends do, and catch up?

Your friend's colleague: male or female?

I sat on the next table at a restaurant to a couple I know a very little from nursery. My DD is friends with both their children. It was embarrassing saying hello but then ignoring each other for rest of meal, all the while the kids commenting to each other. Perhaps she wanted to avoid that kind of awkwardness. Once you've acknowledged someone its hard then to 100% ignore them.

I doubt she is cross with you...

she might not want her worlds to collide!

see:

Maybe she saw you straight away and tried to make contact, you didn't see her, but she thought you were ignoring her. She then got a little upset by you 'ignoring' her, and then thought you were trying to over compensate for ignoring her earlier, so ignored you. I'm not saying you did ignore her here, but maybe she thought you did? This could explain this rather strange behavior!

When you say she said nothing back to your text, do you mean she didnt reply or she replied but ignored your question??

Im thinking affair. im intrested to hear if collegue is m or f?

Ask her! If that was my mate I'd text saying something like - "hey cow face, what's with the ignoring at the restaurant? Cut me real deep! You free for a drink/coffee xxx? Be nice to catch up".

It sounds either like:

1. She was somewhere or with someone she shouldn't have been. This could be an affair, but could also be other things e.g. she told OH she was working through lunch but went out with a colleague. Or colleague could be long lost adopted DC that nobody knows about or a host of other scenarios.

1. She didn't recognise who you are. I have to say like some other posters I have done this - looked straight in the face of someone I know really really well, but it somehow doesn't register.

1. She didn't want to talk to you. Although in this case I would have thought that she would have been pretending not to have seen you. I have I admit done this when I have been talking about something really upsetting and I am just not ready to switch into another mode with someone new - even if that person is a really good friend.

1. She is a bitch. But everything you say indicates that she doesn't have form for blanking people if she is talking to someone she thinks is more interesting.

From how you describe her behaviour i.e. staring at you but blanking you and then rushing out the cafe, I think the following happened. She genuinely didn't compute that it was you. She stared straight at you because she did recognise you, but the part of her brain that says ah thats x, just didn't work.

She then after staring at you suddenly realises who you are and thinks oh god its my good frind x and I just blanked her! Lets get out of here as quickly as possible. And she hasn't responded to your text because she is very embarassed and doesn't know what to say.

I also have the thing where I don't recognise someone out of context, I might know that I know them but won't be able to place them.

I think the best thing to do would be to text her and say "I didn't mean to ignore you in (the restaurant) by the time I realised it was you, you'd gone.. so a belated 'hi' hope you're okay, catch up soon" and see what she says.

Could she be annoyed that you did not invite her out, maybe she was shocked you were out and she didn't know. It is probably down too you think she ignored you and she thinks you ignored her.

I'm with HairyGrotter

I sometimes blank people if I just can't be arsed to speak to them. Your friend could have been busy/stressed/preoccupied/developing an idea for a poem and just didn't want the hassle of chit-chat. Not everyone is 'on' all the time - not even to friends.

She could be face blind. Lots of us people are.

See here: article

If you had mouthed "hello", your friend would have come over. Don't hold it against her.

Are you sure it was you're friend?? Not a look a like who was wondering why you were looking at her? Just a thought.

It was her doppelganger!

I have been known to look point blank in the face of someone calling me over and walking on by. Didn't register because i was either

-focussed on something else?
-half asleep?
-having a slow day?

interestingly it is possible to not recognize people you know. when people say i am bad with faces or i couldn't place their face it is actually a problem with the area of the brain that helps us tell other humans apart from one another. Can be caused by stress,tiredness and probably other things. There is a full blown condition where you lose the ability entirely...imagine that.

Chandon - I knew it would be George when I read "worlds collide" - LOVE IT.