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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Not to do the washing up? Sorry, long...

20 replies

dollydoops · 18/09/2011 22:37

DP and I are both teachers at different schools, but due to a number of factors which I have posted about before, she spends more time working at weekends than I do. Anyway, this weekend we did the following:
Sat: Dp got up early and did sone schoolwork, then went out with her Dd (16) to fetch something work-related. I got up about two hours after dp. I went to local shop to top up the electric, came home, washed up breakfast dishes, hung a load if washing out, tidied living room. At this point dp and dsd came home. Dp did more work. I cleaned bathroom, changed our bed then made lunch. We then went out all together for the afternoon and evening. Came home about 9. I washed up lunch dishes.
Sun: dp got up about 7 and began work. I got up at 8 and went to shop to buy breakfast. Came home and cooked breakfast, then I began work. we both worked all day but dp went out just before lunch to buy some stuff we needed. She brought stuff home for our lunch. We then both worked all afternoon. I had a break at about 4, washed up dishes from breakfast and lunch. At about 6.30 I finished working and cooked dinner. After dinner I left the dishes, faffed around a bit then had a bath and have been watching tv in bed ever since. Dp is still downstairs working.
I am just a but cross because I just heard dp go into the kitchen and start grumbling about the dishes still being there, crashing about etc. Now I know I have been relaxing since dinner while she has been working, but aibu to think I am entitled to relax and was right to leave the dishes for dp or dsd to do?

OP posts:

ILoatheMickeyMouseClubhouse · 18/09/2011 22:41

It all sounds a little petty if I'm honest.

squeakytoy · 18/09/2011 22:42

I think you need to invest in a dishwasher. :) Life is too short to fight over dirty dishes..

AnyFucker · 18/09/2011 22:43

Have you a spreadsheet ?

Original poster

dollydoops · 18/09/2011 22:48

Hee hee I like the idea of a spreadsheet! We can't afford and have no room for a dishwasher, sadly. Readking it back it does look petty, I agree, but I suppose I am asking if i am bu to relax rather than doing housey things while dp is doing schoolwork? Should I feel guilty about that?

OP posts:

nomoreheels · 18/09/2011 23:14

Sounds like you've done the lion's share of housework this weekend. I'd be pretty pissed off if my OH dared to grumble if they'd not done much to help out.

Original poster

dollydoops · 18/09/2011 23:30

That is how I feel nomoreheels! Just a bit frustrated, it is as though dp thinks her work takes priority over me. Actually I have more work I could do, to be fair I am lazier than she is about schoolwork but I also see things that need doing around the house and factor in time to do them rather than choosing to work as much as I could.

OP posts:

royaljelly · 19/09/2011 00:08

You need a rota. Some women get annoyed if you are sat there and they are running round like blue ar**d flies,;Even if you have been busy in the morning. (I know as I am one of them),.

Besides a rota the occasional 'thank you for washing up, I love you ' will go down great, esp. if she is like me and when you say 'does anything need doing', she either says,'no', or in a bad mood''if you see something that needs doing ,then just do it'.!

I would also say that my partner gets this attitude because of the following, (which takes up a lot of time) :

Does not clean the toilet after No.2 (Does not realise how much I spend on bleach each week) or spray and open window, (what if we have guests)

Does not put clothes in wash basket, yet expects them to be washed (after the great fabric hunt), and placed in a position where he can find them, usually NOT wardrobe ie: bedside table, must also include accessories, belt etc.)

Cannot find car keys even when specific bowl for these has been purchased and left near door, ( if starting earlier than you will wake her up to find said keys), and also occasionally blame her for 'moving them' whilst tidying up.

Incababillity to use SKY + (except sports), DVD etc when asked to record her favourite shows.

Unable to see mess in communal areas.. Stairs need hoovering / sweeping. Hallway clogged with coats etc.

Sometimes I think men revert back to living with thier mum's and this may be our fualt for insisting that we do it ourselves but in the end men are always going to be the fall guy for an untidy house, unless you have kids and then you can blame everything on them!

maras2 · 19/09/2011 00:16

If you both teach, why can't you afford a dishwasher?

DontGoCurly · 19/09/2011 00:18

Get a dishwasher. How on Earth can anyone find time to wash dishes by hand in the year 2011 !! It's a job for a machine not a human being!

LineRunner · 19/09/2011 00:31

dollydoops She could be reading your Saturday chores as: Finally got his arse out of bed, wandered up the shop to buy a paper and a lottery ticket, rinsed out two whole bowls, pegged out the towels that I'd put into the wash because let's face it nobody else bloody bothers to load and switch the damn machine on, and cleared up bits of his own mess while I actually took my job seriously.

I agree with the rota thingy. That and good old drink and a chat.

You both sound really nice.

LineRunner · 19/09/2011 00:33

God did that sound sarcastic? Wasn't meant to. You both sound really nice people who do a lot and need to maybe talk a bit more about the horror of chores.

Sorry

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 19/09/2011 00:45

There's always room for a dishwasher! Plumb it in the bedroom if you have to - I love mine so much I'd sleep with it if I could.

royaljelly · 19/09/2011 00:51

DontGoCurly space! you plan it out; fit the cupboards and you partner decides he can't be ar**d to move the waste 4" and you end up with a wine rack for bin liners and kitchen roll instead! OMG anger crept in there. Could go on for weekes but dream kitchen nearly ended in divorce so won't dwell on it.

wicketkeeper · 19/09/2011 06:13

And what's all this 'popping out to top up this', 'popping out to buy that'. Get organised, do it all in one go, make a list. That'll save you both a fair amount of time from what I can see.

Original poster

dollydoops · 19/09/2011 06:39

Thanks everyone! By the way, we are both women. I do take your point about the dishwasher but we really don't have any space at all for one- it also seems wasteful for just the three of us. We do need a list and to do shopping in a more organized way, I know.
Incidentally, I do find that the posts where I forget to make it clear that I am a woman as well as dp do get different types of responses to the ones where I clearly state from the outset that this is the case. Interesting to try and work out how they differ. I think when posters think I am a man, they are more likely to sympathize with my dp.

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 19/09/2011 08:23

I guessed you were both women

My response would have been the same if you weren't

spookshowangellovesit · 19/09/2011 08:39

not many men would call themselves dollysdoops

Nagoo · 19/09/2011 08:40

She thinks her job is more important than yours is.

So she is working and therefore 'exempt' from domestic time.

You think she is 'choosing to work' rather than sit with you or whatever.

This is a difficult one to decide using the 'equal amounts of free time' principle.

Nagoo · 19/09/2011 08:41

The face was mainly at myself for bothering to type such an unhelpful post :) sorry OP.

Atwaroverscrabble · 19/09/2011 09:37

If the dsd is 16 SHE should be doing her fair share of chores too! My dsd(16) and ds(12) are both responsible for all the dishes on 2 days a week each plus hoovering 2 days a week each but i also expect them to pitch in extra at weekends and when dh and i are busy with work and dd(22 months)

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