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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to lock DP out?

23 replies

SpaghettiTwirlerAndProud · 17/09/2011 00:30

We have a 13 week old DD, he has gone out every week since she was 5 weeks old, he hardly ever used to go out at all. Tonight, he texted me at 9.40 and asked if i wanted anything from the takeaway as he was about to leave. I rang him at 11.15!! To see where he was and he said 'oh sorry someone bought me another drink, i'll be 10 minutes' so i texted him at 11.45, to warn him i was turning my key in the door so he can't get in so he may aswell find somewhere else to go. Didn't hear anything from him, 12 came, i turned my key and let him know he couldn't get in and that i'd see him tomorrow. Still no word from him. Am I being unreasonable to do this? I'm sick of his selfishness, with housework and with DD, he refuses to do dirty nappies and never ever gets up in the night with her :(

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 17/09/2011 00:31

Hey there, get yourself to bed and let him sort his self out. He is being a selfish arsehole.

Original poster
SpaghettiTwirlerAndProud · 17/09/2011 00:31

Sorry, I warned him i would be turning the key at 12, so had 15 minutes notice.

OP posts:
Original poster
SpaghettiTwirlerAndProud · 17/09/2011 00:32

I'm already in bed fabby, stayed up reading harry potter :o

OP posts:
madhattershouse · 17/09/2011 00:33

It's now gone 45 mins since you gave him the warning..sod him!

PublicHair · 17/09/2011 00:33

don't bother with a row tonight. speak to him tomorrow.
calmly.
in the meantime get some kip. and read him the riot act tomorrow. tell him you expect 50\50 when he's not at work wrt childcare\free time\family time\family money.

Lisatheonewhoeatsdrytoast · 17/09/2011 00:34

YANBU poor you, i feel your pain though, my DH has done this not every week, but on occasions and it really isn't fair, what annoys me more is when they text or ring to say they are on their way home and they are bloody not!! Lock him out and he can stay with whoever he is out with, it might teach him a lesson!

Angry that he doesn't do dirty nappies, what the fuck not? And why isn't he taking his turns in the night? I'd seriously be having a word with him about this, it's not fair and it's not on!

AgentZigzag · 17/09/2011 00:36

Has he said why he's going out more?

I wouldn't be too impressed if I was left holding the baby (so to speak) while DH was off out until all hours all the time.

SaffronCake · 17/09/2011 00:38

In your shoes I'd turn my mobile off, unplug the landline and let the bastard sweat. Till about 2pm should do it. Or 7pm if he's really bone headed.

snippywoo2 · 17/09/2011 00:38

my ex was like this, it was if he suddenly thought hey I can do what I want cos I know you are stuck at home with the baby and wont be going anywhere so hey ho

Original poster
SpaghettiTwirlerAndProud · 17/09/2011 00:39

I keep trying to get him to do dirty ones, but he says he'll do it but he'll end up being sick over her. He does the wet ones though. I am BFing, but he can at least get her out the crib and bring her over to me, and do the necessary after bits!

OP posts:
Original poster
SpaghettiTwirlerAndProud · 17/09/2011 00:42

Weirdly enough he's going out with his mum. She's in the process of kicking his dad out, DP has disowned him. His mum has taken to getting out every friday to the pub and DP goes aswell because it's the only chance he gets to plot how they're going to get has dad out. Even though she comes round our house alone several times a week Hmm

OP posts:
PublicHair · 17/09/2011 00:43

i don't see the point in everyone being 'up' at night if you are BF but no reason for him to not pull his weight in other ways.
he's taking the piss, you need to tell him. do you 'let' him do stuff with the baby (i've bf 3 and sometimes it's hard for dad to do anything as basically,when they are little the answer is pretty much always a boob)

Original poster
SpaghettiTwirlerAndProud · 17/09/2011 00:49

I'm always encouraging him to do stuff with her, he baths her and gets her ready for bed (depending on nappy contents), and he tries playing/cuddling her at other times but she just wants me all the time! I think it's upsetting him a bit as these past few days she's just cried everytime he picks her up.

OP posts:
snippywoo2 · 17/09/2011 00:49

He also did the I'm getting a Chinese what do you want, 3 hours later and starving made myself a sandwich and went to bed. Its the pretending I'm leaving the pub/club when their not game. When you eventually sit them down for the talk cos you've had enough they come out with the its so scary being a new dad I don't know if I can cope feel sorry for me shite or some much sameness crap.

AgentZigzag · 17/09/2011 00:50

So could the two be separate problems?

Like it's not as though he's going out to avoid his responsibilities, it's because he's (rightly or wrongly) supporting his mum?

Whereas him not pulling his weight around the house is just because he needs a rocket up his arse to get over his feigned nappy phobia.

snippywoo2 · 17/09/2011 00:52

Oh yeah and the baby doesnt want me so I may as well go out lol

FabbyChic · 17/09/2011 00:53

I have to say that some people cannot change dirty nappies, there are other things he could be doing though.

Original poster
SpaghettiTwirlerAndProud · 17/09/2011 00:58

I'm going to go and try get some sleep now even though i'm not tired.

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 17/09/2011 01:02

Night spag.

Hope you manage to get some kip Smile

SaffronCake · 17/09/2011 01:16

Not sure I agree Fabby. I never met a single-parent who said they couldn't change nappies. Seems to me this can't thing only crops up where there is also a case of don't really have to.

ChaoticAngeloftheUnderworld · 17/09/2011 01:17

Really Fabby and what would happen if the OP couldn't change dirty nappies? Hmm

EricNorthmansMistress · 17/09/2011 08:55

He goes to the pub every friday with his mum? Hmm What an oddball.

notherdaynotherdollar · 17/09/2011 08:56

wonder what he would do re the nappies if you fall under a bus tomorrow

poor kids will be in the same nappy for the next ten years lol

the locking him out is childish though

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