to think that women probably cheat just as much as men do?

[cecilyparsley]

this thread has been prompted by a comment on the 'all men are bastard thread' to the effect that lots of men cheat on their wives.

The obvious (to me) question is, who are they cheating with?
Probably with women who are themselves cheating..
(or is there a small pool of single women who share themselves around attached unfaithful men? )

Mobile phones and internet dating have made it very easy to look for extra curricular relationships/hookups, so people with leanings in that direction are more likely to act on their urges.
Further more if everyone is doing it, well it starts to look 'normal'

I'm not condoning cheating, but when advances in technology mean that your mobile phone is replaced by a microchip in your brain, granting you a form of telepathy, well, what then?

that is what i mean. just sex is not something women tend to do, there is at least a bit of flirtation but men often do. i think it is to do with our emotional needs being meet. that is not to say men need to have sex they do not they can always satisfy themselves its just prostitutes are available should they want to and then they can use the excuse that they have to have sex which has been used as an excuse for rape too

There have been studies on this (just done a quick google, and come up with this - not sure of the angle of the site below, but the extensive list of references seems pretty thorough and unbiased, and contains a lot of stuff which is probably more rigorous than just newspaper articles) .
<a class="break-all" href="http://87.248.112.8/search/srpcache?ei=UTF-8&p=blood+groups+paternity+and+adultery&fr=mcafee&u=cc.bingj.com/cache.aspx?q=blood+groups+paternity+and+adultery&d=4936876211900822&mkt=en-GB&setlang=en-GB&w=c2b15fa4,d9285719&icp=1&.intl=uk&sig=POzaJCYvOi.qZ_09aj2Rjg--" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">87.248.112.8/search/srpcache?ei=UTF-8&p=blood+groups+paternity+and+adultery&fr=mcafee&u=cc.bingj.com/cache.aspx?q=blood+groups+paternity+and+adultery&d=4936876211900822&mkt=en-GB&setlang=en-GB&w=c2b15fa4,d9285719&icp=1&.intl=uk&sig=POzaJCYvOi.qZ_09aj2Rjg--
(Bugger, link isn't working, but page is called '"Knowledge is Bliss: - towards a society withoutpaternity surprises.' if anyone feels like they want to search (by anyone, I mean fellow geeks).

Large scale epidemiological studies (usually looking at something else entirely, e.g. tissue typing for organ donation - this just comes out as an interesting side issue) which involve taking blood or DNA samples from families estimate that between 10 and 30 percent of children are not the biological child of the mother's live-in partner. I believe it's one of the topics covered in medical ethics courses - how do you handle medical confidentiality issues arising from blood results/ dating scans etc. that throw paternity into doubt. I'd be interested in whether anyone else knows some better references.

So it looks like the answer is a lot of women do cheat. Whether it's greater or less than the rate among men, you can't tell (obviously this sort of research only tells you whether the woman has committed adultery - her partner's possible affairs don't carry such an obvious biological "paper trail").

There was some interesting research done at my local university (only source for this is my local paper, so take with a pinch of salt) suggesting that at least in some species playing away from home could be an evolutionarily adaptive strategy - fruit flies forced to be monogamous become infertile after about 5 or 6 generations. "Adultery" (if one can use that word for flies) seems like it's a mechanism for mixing genes through the population more efficiently. Certainly, it's widespread in the animal kingdom - Sarah Blaffer Hrdy has a paper called "Polyandry and the myth of the Coy Female" which talks about just about everything from fish to apes.

I'd have thought a SAHM with kids at school has by far the best opportunity to cheat. I read once that fewer women cheat, but those that do cheat more often (I believe it is the same with single women - those that shag around really do go for it) - but that may have been deduced from stats, where apparently women always under-report cheating.

of course they do, but they are always "driven to it by the monster of an OH" its never their fault of course and if it is there are mitigating circumstances

Woman deffo cheat as much as men. The difference is that men get caught.

of course they do, but they are always "driven to it by the monster of an OH

Because All Men are Bastards you see... :o

SAHM have far less opportunity to cheat as it can end up being a predominantly female environment, unless you have some hobby which brings you into contact with men. My mum used to say the same about primary school teaching! If you work in a mixed environment on projects, especially if they take you away from work, you have much more opportunity (or at least the stats do suggest that working out of the home women are more unfaithful).

My mum always says 'Maternity is a fact, paternity is an opinion'

The human species is not 'naturally monogamous' and the construct of monogamy is man-made cecily.

I once spoke to a social worker and she said that accidental incest was becoming an increasing problem with siblings who are unaware of their blood link dating.

She cited a case where a man had two children by his wife and others by several other women. He was forced to come clean when his daughter introduced him to her new 'boyfriend' and he found himself looking at his son!

Izzywhizzy I agree completely...human behaviour is a product of culture far more than of nature...if there is even such a thing as human nature.
lurcioloves thank you for the info, and checking out that link now..

I think men do cheat more than women. Oppotunity in traditional roles and generally looking for a shag rather than an emotional attachment.

I used to think monogamy was impossible but after the children came along I jsut couldn't BE ARSED to think about sex with anyone much less illict encounters. I wouldn't want to jeapordise the boys secure home. I am too bloody tired. I only want to go to bed with myself and sleep for 12 hours straight.

No one wants to shag a woman with a buggy. Went to a course and was hit on twice the other day (obv no buggy) can't recall last time that happened.

Wouldn't want anyone to see my stretchmarks and saggy tum. At least I know DH contributed to the general sagging so can't complain! My worst nightmare would be a previous partner seeing my post natal body. I have a small fit if I run into an ex fully clothed as I feel very self conscious about how I look after kids even though I know objectively it isn't that bad.

Affair, pfff, couldn't be bothered, a biscuit and a cuppa will do me.

I think men do cheat more than women

Unless they are cheating with their right hand, there has to be an OW involved.

Simple maths....

Not necessarily, people don't always cheat with other attached people.

Not necessarily, people don't always cheat with other attached people

But to believe that men are significantly more unfaithful you have to believe there is therefore a large contingent of single women who are shagging married men in preference to other unattached men.

Before DP I was engaged to someone else and I cheated. I'm so ashamed of it years later that I really hate even thinking about it. I can't believe that I hurt someone that I cared about so badly.
The reason that I cheated was that I was very, very unhappy at the time and saw this new man as a way out (though that really doesn't excuse my actions). The man I cheated with was actually my DP and I'd been in love with him for a year before we began having an affair. I'd tried to end the engagement several times before the affair but struggled to break away. It was only when I realised how happy I was with DP that I left XF.
For me, cheating was intertwined with my emotions. I did it because i was looking for love. I'm now so happy with DP that I can't see myself ever doing it again. I'm very aware now of how much I would lose by having an affair - I suppose I just didn't have any incentive not to do it before (as awful as that sounds).
Please feel free to flame me for this post, it is the worst thing I've ever done.

I don't see why anyone would flame you - I think that's a brave and honest post.

I've only ever cheated because I wasnt getting enough sex.

Thank you Ilovesooty. I struggle a lot with guilt over it.