to be seriously hacked off at DH muttering "You're f...... crazy" at the breakfast table...

[NZGinger]

Please, is this normal? Do other people's partners think nothing of saying that kind of thing, with 3yo present? I've asked him heaps before not to swear in front of DS, and the muttering is always something he won't say to my face. but will say it under his breath just loud enough for me to hear. All in the context of a 12yr relationship which is (obviously...!) not especially happy.

why would you allow another human being to swear at you?

shakes head that these types of people are bringing new human beings into the world

what had happened to illicit this response from him? I'm not saying that means it's your fault obviously , just wondering what the context was, what was happening before?

It's not so much the language but that you are upset, and he knows it upsets you. Especially as he mutters it. Sounds like a cruel way of engaging with you. Tell him to stop it or leave the table. Assert yourself.

I suppose it depends on what had caused him to think it. If you had just poured his coco pops over his head or smeared jam on his face, then he may have a point...

"why would you allow another human being to swear at you? shakes head that these types of people are bringing new human beings into the world"

Dramatic much? He said the F word he didnt sacrifice a goat and then eat the entrails FFS

OP I dont really have any constructive advice but agree with Female - just leave the table if he wont stop, he might get the message?

He sounds like an extra DC! I would treat him like one!
Tell him that if he can tell you what is upsetting him, without muttering and swearing, you will listen.

was he always like this? it would surprise me if you didn't know he was like this before you married and had children. most people have a fair diea of who they are marrying. unless he totally transformed the day you married him (i have known this to happen-scarily).

Why did he call you this he must have being reacting to something?

I really hope your DH references are typos, because my first thought at reading this was, 'Is this a child we're talking about?' Because that's what i'd expect of a surly teenager, not a life partner.

To answer your question, no, it's not acceptable. It's not acceptable from a child, nor an adult stranger, nor a colleague, nor a neighbour. I'm bloody sure it's not acceptable from your partner!

He sounds quite passive aggressive i.e. quite confrontational and unpleasent, but just enough so that he can blame you if you rise to the bait with his childish behaviour.

I honestly don't know what to say, because I'm not sure how I'd deal with a grown man (a father, no less) thinking that kind of behaviour is acceptable, whether in the presence of his wife/child or not.

Is he generally immature in other ways?

Thinking about the situations where people do this, I'd want to know what led up to it first, this could have any number of explanations.....

southmum and squeakytoy - Absolutely!

jesus christ- he said fuck, we don't know what (if any) context it was said in...

calm down dears...

If he is saying it 'just loud enough for you to hear' then he is saying it to your face. Don't bother with the whole 'what did you say?' pantomime. You heard him. Your response would really depend on why he said it. What happened just before he said it? Little more info needed I think.

He was muttering 'You're fucking crazy'. Did you ask him if he was talking to himself?

"You're fucking crazy" said in front of a 3 year old??

You're fucking crazy if you think this is appropriate. It's threatening, horrible abnormal behaviour.