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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Stress with other parents at the school

27 replies

FloweryRuna · 16/09/2011 10:07

Hello,

I don't know where to post this.

I'm not sure if I should mention something to the teachers or not do. After I take DD to school, us parents take part in helping our children in the cloakroom to get sorted before class. It's always packed and there's loads of other adults, usually both parents are there and sometimes even grandparents! The other adults keep banging into my DD and it's upsetting. They don't apologise either for doing this. I haven't seen them bang into other people's kids. I'm certain they might but I only see it happen to DD so I try and keep her away from the crowd. Going from A-B is stressful as the parents get in our way, walk into DD, bang back into me and don't notice we're there.

Today in the room, I noticed that a woman passed my DD carelessly and caught her with her handbag. (She must've known she did that). I spoke up about this to DD and I asked her if that woman's bag hit her. After I said this, the woman's husband gave me a sharp look. I'm getting really stressed by the "cloakroom" rush. Should I talk to the school about this? I get the impression that none of the other parents care about my DD because they don't appear to like me. None of them talk to me in the playground. Some live in my neighbourhood and act as if I'm a piece of poo by the way they look at me.

I don't know what to do.

OP posts:

DaisySteiner · 16/09/2011 10:15

Talk to school. There shouldn't be so many parents in the cloakrooms if it is becoming dangerous as it sounds it is. They don't really need to be there anyway, the vast majority of children can sort themselves out given the opportunity. At our school even the children in reception are able to hang up coats, sort their lunch bag out etc on their own.

GypsyMoth · 16/09/2011 10:16

I doubt very much it's intentional! All the children are in same position so your dd isn't going to be the only one getting caught!

Speak to the teacher and say it's hard for everyone

What would you suggest as a solution?

SenoritaViva · 16/09/2011 10:20

How old is your DD?

I think try to separate whether this is personal and the fact that it is unpleasant. I would speak to the school and explain that it is a nightmare and that you've noticed your DD 'gets knocked about and so I'm sure it happens to others too'. I think the school can easily request that only one adult comes into the cloakroom to assist their child.

Oggy · 16/09/2011 10:22

I agree there shouldn't be so many in the cloakroom, it sounds chaos. In my childrens school they line up int he playground and the teacher walks them through to the classroom with parents in tow, makes more sense to me.

I really don't think it can be intentional. Even if you are right that they don't like you it would take a special kind of arsehole that would deliberately bash into a young child.

I woudl speak to the teacher and at the least ask if maybe the cloakroom could be limited to one adult per child, that's all you need (if that, surely any school child is capable of putting their coat in their peg by themselves - even the young reception children should be able to do this).

Oggy · 16/09/2011 10:23

Sorry that was meant to say withOUT the parents in tow - we don't leav ethe playground.

Icelollycraving · 16/09/2011 10:24

Oh dear,very much doubt that your dd is the only one to get clipped by a bag etc. I think you sound a bit lonely,is there anyone that doesn't look too scary or is on their own too?

redskyatnight · 16/09/2011 10:24

Is this Reception (or possibly Y1?)? Same cloakroom rush at the beginning of the day here. I think parents are more "pushy" as it is all new and are (e.g.) making sure children know where their peg is. I would expect things to calm down in a week or 2.

If it's all too much at the moment, I'd suggest hanging back a little so that the mad rush has subsided before you go in.

rookiemater · 16/09/2011 10:27

DS is in P1 and the teacher has impressed upon us how important it is that they learn how to sort out their own things and quickly.

I would have a word with the teacher and say that there is a lot of adults, can they be encouraged to stand away from the children and let them sort themselves out, or some other solution she can think of.

Or if its possible can you get there a bit earlier? DS was finding school tough and it seemed a bit of a guddle with all the parents like you said, so one morning we got there a bit earlier and it was a lot calmer DS was able to get himself sorted and the classroom was already open - don't know if thats a possibility for you?

Also, and apologies for mentioning this, are you ok? I can see why you might find this a bit annoying and be concerned about your daughter but being so stressed about the school run suggests that you may have other things on your mind as well.

redexpat · 16/09/2011 10:30

Yes you should talk to the school about this! I think a one parent only rule isn't unreasonable after the first day. Also you should start calling the other parents on it. POlitely at first - excuse me but don't you realise that you just bumped someone?' Moving onto saying very loudly 'Oh no don't apologise, she's fine, thank you SO much for checking'. And if they still ignore you then start banging into the parents and see if they like it.

redexpat · 16/09/2011 10:33

OK everyone elses suggestions are much better than mine. I just HATE people who don't apologise for stuff like that. Makes me see

harassedandherbug · 16/09/2011 10:36

My dd is yr1 now, and the parents never go into the cloakroom. I've unzipped dd's coat in the playground if it's tricky, and there was a box for hats, scarves, gloves to go into as that's easier..

I'd def speak to the school, at the very least they could introduce a "one parent" type rule. But personally I think it's important that they learn a little bit of independence and hanging up their own coat is a good start!

AMumInScotland · 16/09/2011 10:39

I'm sure its not deliberate - theres not many adults would deliberately hurt a small child that way. But it sounds like a bad system, chaotic, and not at all surprising that children are getting bumped.

Talk to the teacher - there's no reason why any adults need to go into the school cloakroom. One per child absolute max.

marge2 · 16/09/2011 10:47

Parents are strictly banned from coming inside with kids at drop off time at my DSs school. All years line up in the playground and then walk in file into school year by year. We are discouraged even from walking round to the classroom door with them. If you need to mention something quick to teaher you need to grab them in the playground before they go in. If you need a proper discussion you have to have it at home time so it doesn't disrupt the day. Reception kids are more than capable of hanging up their coats. No need for parents to go in. I think it would tend to make clingy kids worse anyway.

I think your school sounds like total chaos. Do you have a class rep? if so mention it, or if not speak to the teacher or even head.

aquashiv · 16/09/2011 10:48

I have three to get through the door. Two in reception and one in Year 2. Its a complete bun fight you get knocked about it. I would never think its intentional though. Personally I send them through the door with a kiss and they do their own hanging up of coats etc.

Dont take it personally people are always in such a rush.

AbigailS · 16/09/2011 10:48

Something needs sorting, but I'm waiting for the next AIBU. - "It's not right that the school has stopped it's open door policy at the start of the day. It's not fair that we can't take our DC into the classroom to settle him/her".
I don't think that they will be targeting your child at all, but many parents do get very tunnel visioned when it comes to their own children and fail to think of the implications of their actions on other children.

AllGoodNamesGone · 16/09/2011 10:57

Oh, yes, I remember this and what a relief it was when the school introduced lining up in the playground instead.

I doubt anyone is deliberately barging your child, they are just so intent on getting their own child sorted (and getting the hell out of the chaos!) but they should absolutely be more careful.

I would speak to the teacher/head and ask if it would be possible to change to lining up. I would imagine it's easier for the teachers not to have 50 parents crowding in every morning anyway.

Otherwise I would hang back in the playground until the rush dies down a bit.

aldiwhore · 16/09/2011 10:58

As with some others, at our school, parents aren't allowed inside, unless they have good reason. All reception children line up (as with every other year) and are expected to be able to take off their own coats and hang them up.... in fact, my 3 year old is expected to do the same with minimal encouragement, but parents are allowed in their cloakroom.

I would speak to the headteacher regarding this, its not a nice way to start the day at all. Stressful for both you and your dd.

nailak · 16/09/2011 11:00

even at my dds nursery parents werent allowed in cloakroom as too congested, but were allowed in to classrooms

PenguinPatter · 16/09/2011 11:02

Speak to the school.

At my DCs school Yr1 and Yr 2 are supposed to go in themselves but so many parents and in some cases grandparents at same time seem to tag along it ridiculous despite repeated reminders they are supposed to let them do it themselves and to talk to teachers after school if possible.

It means mine eldest wants me to go in because all the other parents are - and in the crush it gets bit frightening and chaotic. I say no - as I have other DC to sort. She'd have gone in happily by herself in reception at least the last term if other parents hadn't always gone in with their DC.

I think what is worse is the parents who shouldn't be there standing about gossiping - getting in the children's way and then getting arsy with the kids and teachers and TA who ask them to move or go.

Usually solved by head teacher for a bit by insisting parents not enter with DC, constant reminders in parent meeting and news letters and head teacher turfing parents out with reminders. Though with some - it just something that doesn't apply to them.

I'd have had words with the parent who accidentally hit my DC though - at first polity asking them to be careful then getting very nasty if needed.

exoticfruits · 16/09/2011 11:10

I would talk to the school-parents of reception tend to be silly about it and need to be told clearly that they can leave the DC at the door.
I think that you are being oversensitive about them singling out your DD, if it is such a crush they can't avoid all DCs but one.

Pinot · 16/09/2011 11:16

I think if you can be objective and unemotional, then speak to the teacher. If not, email the school. (I tend to fluster and cry when stressed, see?).

I hope your DD is OK :)

Ormirian · 16/09/2011 11:20

It sounds to me as if this is an ideal opportunity to teach the children to get themselves sorted out in the mornings without adult help. If it's just a question of hanging up coats and bags, even 4 yr olds should be able to cope.

if children are getting hurt I would mention it to the teacher and suggest that they introduce a 'no adults in cloakroom' rule.

fanjobanjowanjo · 16/09/2011 11:21

I don't like to think of you feeling so isolated and unliked, makes me sad for you :(

Good luck sorting this out, you need to get assertive!

EssexGurl · 16/09/2011 11:33

I don't think that it is the classroom rush that is the issue here, I'm afraid. I think that it is the fact that you don't feel part of the group and are using this as a way of vocalising those feelings. Watch closely and there will be at least one other mum as stressed/unhappy as you. Find her and buddy up - makes life so much easier. Or push yourself and get arsey back! I always feel looked down on as so many of the mums work and in reception it was very much - we need to rush as we are going to work, you aren't so let us through! Someone actually said as much to me once!

spiderpig8 · 16/09/2011 11:33

YAnbu. My kids at that age were always desperate to be independent an go in by themselves,but came across Parents who literally would not move their arses out of the way to let them through. I can't see why parents are allowed into the cloakroom.Schools should be promoting independence and in all honesty every 4 yr old is quite capable of hanging up their own coat- they do so after playtime.

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