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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be well and truly fucked off with my friend?

51 replies

Fatshionista · 15/09/2011 18:33

Details first. I'm a freelance hairdresser and my friend wanted to go from a dark red to light blonde as I did. She asked to lend £30 for the stuff until the next day but I told her I needed it back for definite as I have a wedding Friday. I told her the risks of damaging her hair with bleach and that as she has psoriasis on the back of her head it's not a good idea and could break the skin but she said she was going to do it anyway but she wanted me to get the back. As a friend I said I would do it and do it for free.

So she comes around and we strip her hair and then bleach. She tells me it burns and has to wash it off after five minutes so her hair is barely ginger. She then tells me to make it blonde and I explain with one bleaching gone I could only get her to strawberry blonde that night. All was fine. I bleached the ends again while being very careful with my tinting brush and then applied an ash blonde. She said she was happy with the colour and would now like a cut.

I cut very slowly and checked with her all the way and she told me it was great and she'd come back in a few days for me to apply a blonde over the top to make it lighter. I worked from 6pm to 1am for free and she left happy.

Yesterday. No text or no sign of money. She text at night saying she would drop it in today lunch time. I text at 3pm and she then text me saying as a friend I did a horrible job, she hates the colour, she hates the cut, her head is weeping and sore and now she has to buy lots of treatment, has to go get it cut short and can't dye for six weeks. She told me it's all my fault even though the risks were explained, she understood and told me she was happy when she left.

I offered to fix it but obviously she doesn't want that. She said she's keeping the £30 and 'we'll call it quits and i won't mention it to your other clients'.

AIBU to think she's an absolute tosser blaming me for this? Sure I should have had better judgement and said no but she is taking no blame for this at all and now she wants to keep the £30 she borrowed even though the wedding is tomorrow and now I can't even afford a drink.

OP posts:
FabbyChic · 15/09/2011 19:23

Sorry but freelance hairdressers earn a fortune, you should be well off.

Most freelance hairdressers don't declare it's all cash in hand.

jade80 · 15/09/2011 19:25

Fabbychic, your comment is pointless as the OP says she is not very well off right now. Just because you know tax dodgers, don't tar OP with the same brush.

jade80 · 15/09/2011 19:28

OP, I think you should text the friend and say the £30 is for the products she bought. She borrowed it off you. If she isn't happy with the free work you did for her, despite all your warnings, she should not withold the money you lent her. It's not like it was payment for the job you did, is it!

I would text and remind her the money is for the products she bought, not the job you did. Say you're sorry she isn't happy, but you warned her and kept checking she was happy. If she doesn't cough up, give her the link to this thread and consider it £30 well spent to find out your 'friend's' true colours.

Sorry she's been so unfair.

Original poster
Fatshionista · 15/09/2011 19:29

I wish I was well off. I do it from home around my children and only have 3-4 regular clients at the moment which brings in around £120 a month which goes straight towards bills and then housing benefit give me pittance and I can claim no other benefits so if I don't get work one week, I'm buggared and rely on DP.

OP posts:
candytuft63 · 15/09/2011 19:31

Put it down to experience - but dont do this again. I think you realized when you were doing her hair that it would all end in tears. Strand tests and all that are a nuisance, but there for a reason. Chin up, she was horrible anyway. Nicer people to be friends with.

IrmaMuthafucker · 15/09/2011 19:33

Oh yes all freelance hairdressers are millionaires. OP you should give us all a quid just for reading your post Wink Grin

YANBU btw. Dump her because she is a cheeky mare.

FlamingFannyDrawers · 15/09/2011 19:33

She is being unreasonable. Did you say its your best friends wedding? When you're there doing her hair and make up for wedding I'd ask if she could maybe help you out. If shes a good friend she wouldn't see you turn up at her wedding with nothing in your purse.

Tchootnika · 15/09/2011 19:37

Don't let this knock your confidence for styling your friend for her wedding or for any other work, Fats. Remember that you advised your (STBX)-'friend' correctly and she wouldn't listen.
So just learn from that that in future you should sometimes insist rather than 'advise'. If you know something's likely to be disastrous, then say 'If you want this done, you'll have to go to another hairdresser'.
It's surely better to lose clients this way than by running the risk of people being able to 'show off' bad work which you knew better than to do in the first place.
It sounds as if your knowledge and skills are fine, you've just been too willing to pander to the wishes of a selfish twat this time.
Good luck with the wedding!

Mitmoo · 15/09/2011 19:40

Saw almost an exact same case on Judge Judy, OK no expert but I do love a the Judge.

The hairdresser had to compensate the women whose head was burned because even though the hairdresser warned of the risk, she also knew the risk and should have refused to do it.

FabbyChic · 15/09/2011 19:41

I don't know any tax dodgers, but I do know that people who get paid cash never declare it all.

OP, if you can work 16 hours a week you would be entitled to tax credits that may help you a lot, can you not rent a chair in a salon?

Original poster
Fatshionista · 15/09/2011 19:42

Not at the moment as I am a part-time student and a SAHM so working 16 hour weeks wouldn't even be worth it with the cost of childcare etc :(

OP posts:
LadyMontdore · 15/09/2011 19:44

She is not your friend. Learn from the experience.

When you say she borrowed £30 do you mean she bought £30 worth of stuff and said she'd pay you later or you actually gave her £30? Both are bad though I'm afraid you aren't going to get it back.

Also why do you need money for the wedding - do you mean to buy stuff for your friends hair. If so just tell your friend what the other b#### has done, I imagine you'd probably tell her anyway even if it wasn't her wedding.

Original poster
Fatshionista · 15/09/2011 19:48

I bought £30 worth of things and she said she'd give it back to me the next day (Wednesday) which was her pay day.

I have to pay for drinks at the reception and a taxi back from the reception so it'll cost a good few quid.

OP posts:
cerealqueen · 15/09/2011 20:03

YANBU. Its one thing to have a disagreement about something but what is really horrible is your so called 'friend' threatening to tell your other clients.

MixedClassBaby · 15/09/2011 20:39

I don't think you should have done it. I'd write off the £30 and chalk it up to experience.

quirrelquarrel · 15/09/2011 21:57

Awful woman. Can't believe she'd brazenly say, "I'm keeping your money and after that we won't mention it", like she's being so generous!

On the other hand, she could be having a bad time of it if her head is weeping and sore. So she could be thinking unreasonably.

BlowHole · 15/09/2011 22:05

I think in future that if you don't think that what someone wants you to do to their hair is a good idea, you should not do it.
She is a friend though and knew the risks, so I think she should pay you the £30.

ENormaSnob · 15/09/2011 22:10

Tell her you hope her head explodes.

Bitch.

troisgarcons · 15/09/2011 22:13

TBH - You knew what would happen - if you were truely professional you wouldnt have done it, no matter how much she begged.

Original poster
Fatshionista · 15/09/2011 22:28

I had a scratched scalp all over the back and used bleach and was fine so I told her that although I have done it myself and it was fine, I wouldn't recommend it and it could severely burn her scalp due to the sensitivity and psoriasis but she wanted to carry on.

You're all right, though. I shouldn't have done it and should have trusted my instincts.

OP posts:
ChippingIn · 15/09/2011 22:41

You shouldn't have done it (as you've said)
She should pay you the money for the stuff.

But, at the end of the day, £30 is a pretty cheap way of working out who your real friends are and weeding out the trash! Grin

Take a hip flask & beg a lift home :)

Original poster
Fatshionista · 15/09/2011 22:42

I have a vodka and red bull right now even though I'm babysitting my niece (9). I swear, people are stressing me out.

She's text and said she will transfer £20 into my bank in the morning and we're still friends like I should be grateful Hmm.

OP posts:
constantlytired · 15/09/2011 22:56

Sorry to hear your predicament...So, money aside, what are your thoughts on how you're going to move forward with your friendship?

Original poster
Fatshionista · 15/09/2011 22:59

I'd like to stay friends with her but now I've seen this vindictive side of her I'm not sure how to proceed. She's been a great friend and I did her a favour and did the best I could in a bad situation. I take responsibility for some of it but not all of it. The worst part was her telling me I couldn't do my job properly and everyone should know about it but I've been doing my own and others hair since I was fourteen and I have never had any complaints from free or paid clients.

OP posts:
chipmonkey · 15/09/2011 23:08

Tell her to stuff her 20 quid and you are NOT friends!
Tbh, I kind of agree with Fabby that you shouldn't have done it. It's never worth doing something which might cause a problem, even if you have warned someone; at the end of the day you'd still be liable.

But the fact that you did warn her, she agreed to go ahead and she's now conveniently forgetting that you warned her, is blaming you and threatening you means that she really is not a friend at all.