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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to eat the minute I come home from work?

34 replies

Ormirian · 15/09/2011 12:25

DH has this thing about serving up a meal about 5.30 - I get home just before 6 so he will dish up in a big rush as i walk through the door. I am not hungry. I have been sitting on my backside all day, and then been stuck in a car for 20 mins and the last thing I want to do is eat. I want to relax, potter a bit, possible take dog for a walk or go running, and then eat.

We eat together at the weekend so I think it's perfectly reasonable for the DC to eat early and for me and DH to eat later. If he is starving, he can eat with the DC and I'll sort myself out later. Or we can all eat later - the DC don't mind.

So tell me, is that really unreasonable?

OP posts:
PamBeesly · 15/09/2011 12:26

YANBU you can sit down with them while they eat though and have a cup of tea or coffee.

Greensleeves · 15/09/2011 12:27

I think you might get the odd poster telling you to be grateful that he cooks dinner

but IMO it's not unreasonable for you to say YOU don't want to eat at that time - as you say, he can eat with the children if he wants to eat then

switchtvoffdosomelessboring · 15/09/2011 12:28

YANBU but if it was me I'd be delighted as it would save me having to eat twelve two biscuits while my dinner cooks. But then I'm a greedy guts and always starving.

sheeplikessleep · 15/09/2011 12:28

I think there is a lot to be said about families all eating together, personally.
I'd love to be able to all eat together.

If your DH's motivations are about family time, I think YABU.

Original poster
Ormirian · 15/09/2011 12:28

Yep. I am expecting them greeny! But he gets home about 4pm most days so he'd be a total arse if he didn't cook at least some of the time.

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 15/09/2011 12:29

Tell him you would like to enjoy the food he has made, not force it down. You could do a compromise by sitting down with them all and having a cup of tea (or a glass of wine :) ) so that you can all chat and catch up on the day, then eat your own dinner a bit later when you are ready to eat.

sheeplikessleep · 15/09/2011 12:30

Maybe my viewpoint is because I am also always ready to eat ;)

ChristinedePizan · 15/09/2011 12:30

I would not want to eat that early either

PamBeesly · 15/09/2011 12:32

Omirian no one should say you should be grateful he cooks dinner. He is home earlier than you so why shouldn't he!

DoMeDon · 15/09/2011 12:32

Not at all but it's not U for your DH to want you all to eat together either. I wonder why he is unwilling to compromise on this, especially as the DC are happy to eat later Confused

AngelDelightIsIndeedDelightful · 15/09/2011 12:33

I have to confess to being your dh in this scenario. Dh is unemployed so he cooks for us. I get really narky if it isn't dished up as soon as I get in. If it's not ready at that point then it feels like we're wasting our evening twiddling our thumbs waiting for it. Then it's all a bit of a rush at bedtime.

Maybe your dh feels the same? Have you asked him why he doesn't want to eat later?

I do keep toying with splitting up the meals (or even not bothering with the dcs as they've already had three meals at childcare and often just pick at the fourth family meal) but I cling to it as I'm a touch old fashioned about it. I love sitting down round the table together. Twice a week wouldn't be enough for me. I do recognise there's a touch of working mother guilt about that though.

VelvetSnow · 15/09/2011 12:35

I love that my dinner is on the table when I get home from work!

I get home at 18.00pm, and lunch is normally at 12.00pm. It takes me an hour to drive home and I am always hungry at that time. We catch up on what's been going on during the day over dinner, and then we both tidy up together - then (if we have nothing else to do) we generally have a sit down and relax.

Perhaps your DH thinks of dinner as a chore, as in get it over with, tidy up and then relax - the later you have dinner the later you get to relax....

YANBU though, to want to eat when you want.

Original poster
Ormirian · 15/09/2011 12:37

To be fair to him, he usually just rolls his eyes a bit and serves up the DC food (and his, if he is going out later). But the other day he had had a dreadful day at school and was on a short fuse and did the whole "I've stood here, slaving over a hot stove to make you a lovely meal and you don't want it?" thing. So I know it's always an issue for him. Trouble is dog also needed a walk and no-one else had bothered with the poor animal so I could have stuffed down food I didn't want and then rushed out with dog - but I really didn't want to.

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 15/09/2011 12:38

Let him dish it up, then reheat yours in the microwave later. :)

CurrySpice · 15/09/2011 12:38

5:30 is definitley not a hungry time of day for me and I wouldn't want it either

I usually sit with the kids while they have theirs and have mine when they're in bed.

Why is he so fixated on 5:30?

I have this a bit with DP - I think it's a throw back to when he had his own kids at home and they were starving when they got in and, if he was on a night shift, he had to be out!

Original poster
Ormirian · 15/09/2011 12:38

"Perhaps your DH thinks of dinner as a chore, as in get it over with, tidy up and then relax - the later you have dinner the later you get to relax...."

Yes I think that might be it. But I love eating! Grin The evening meal is a highlight of the evening and I want to savour it.

OP posts:
AMumInScotland · 15/09/2011 12:50

It sounds like you need to sit and talk this one through with him - he probably feels unappreciated and doesn't understand. So, if you could let him know you are appreciative of his cooking, but that having just got in its difficult for you to immediately want to eat, so could you reschedule to eat at 6 instead. He probably thinks he's being efficient.

redskyatnight · 15/09/2011 12:51

You are my family in reverse (I serve up dinner as DH walks in through the door).
I think it's nice to eat as a family - it's one of the best times of the day for us and about the only time DS ever admits that he did other than "nothing" at school. As the one cooking, it's not always practical to have a meal that can be reheated easily (or the meal won't be as nice) - and I wouldn't want to be cooking twice (or just cooking for just the children as such small portions).
Also I like to get everything cleared and tidied away after dinner and know that it's done.

Even if DH cooked his own meal and tidied away after himself I'd still feel it was cutting into the evening.

TrillianAstra · 15/09/2011 12:53

If the children are old enough to eat a bit later then what's the rush to eat at 5,30?

Inertia · 15/09/2011 12:56

You mention a dreadful day at school-is he a teacher? If so he may be conscious of the several hours of marking, planning etc that lie ahead that evening. Have to admit that I wouldn't be impressed if I'd got in from a day's teaching, sorted out the child care pickups, made dinner at dinnertime to leave plenty of time to get my work done, and was then told I was expected to put my evening work schedule aside so my other half could swan about for a couple of hours then summon me to the table. Sorry.

Obviously if he has the rest of the evening to himself then there may be a compromise. I wouldn't fancy cooking twice unnecessarily though.

CurrySpice · 15/09/2011 12:58

redsky I think that sounds somehow joyless. That the meal is a chore to be got out of the way. Would it really hurt to eat an hour later?

LydiaWickham · 15/09/2011 13:04

Talk about it without a meal being sat there, ruining. Calmly. Could you compromise that weekends you will eat together, and say, Tuesdays and Thursday, but the other days, you'll eat as a couple after the DCs are in bed, and you will cook the meal for him? You could always do something like a starter so you sit with the DCs for dinner and talk to them about their day.

I can see his point though, you walk in the door, you should join in the family straight away, not turn round and go out with the dog/go for a run/have some 'relaxing time'. You could do dinner with the DCs and he could have the relaxing walk with the dog. Does he get time to sit down and relax after work or does he pick the DCs up and have to entertain them straight away? Why do you get to have time off when you get in?

Original poster
Ormirian · 15/09/2011 13:48

" Does he get time to sit down and relax after work or does he pick the DCs up and have to entertain them straight away? Why do you get to have time off when you get in?"

ha ha ha!!! Brilliant!

DH goes out 3 nights out of every week. He also plays football and does football training every week. He is also more than capable of sitting on his backside reading the paper, watching sport, popping down to the pub whenever he fancies Hmm I really don't think he is short of opportunities to 'relax'. I work full-time, do the vast majority of the housework (cooking a meal three times a week and sometime making the kids sandwiches for the next day is more or less the limit of it for him). And if someone else had thought to walk the dog they'd have been more than welcome to do so.... sadly they hadn't.

And just for the record I woudn't sit there and demand DH cooked a second meal just for me! I'd ask him to leave a bit of the main meal so I could reheat it, or cook myself a baked potato with salad or just a sandwich. In fact I'd rather do without anything than sit and eat a meal I didn't want.

OP posts:
VelvetSnow · 15/09/2011 21:51

Ormirian - I was thinking about this thread when I got home from work today, I think you jinxed me and my dinner Grin

DP always has dinner ready for me coming home.

So this evening I come home expecting Sweet Chilli Prawns and Boiled Rice to be on the table but to my horror dd was in bed (she's 11months) and DP was also in bed!! Shock

I honestly did not know what to do with myself :)

I made myself a coffee and read the paper for a bit - it was like walking into someone elses house!

redskyatnight · 16/09/2011 09:56

Curryspice we eat at 6.15pm which is as late as 5 year old DD can cope with dinner (she is dropping to sleep soon after 7). So no, we can't eat any later. I don't find the meal itself a chore, but the clearing up afterwards certainly is Grin .