In laws renting a flat down the road - AIBU to feel claustrophobic?

[ivesufferedenoughfools]

Background: DH's parents live around three hours away from us, my parents around five hours away. DH and I are very independent, visit parents regularly (every month to six weeks for the weekend) but would not be expecting to rely on the GPs for childcare when our first DC comes along (due anytime in the next couple of weeks).
DH and I found out earlier this week that his parents have rented a flat 2mins from us in order that they can help out (they are reasonably well off and will have the flat in addition to the family home). Whilst it might be nice to have some support, we certainly wouldn't have expected them to do this and we're a bit surprised that this is now a done deal, contracts and everything signed without us having spoken about this first.
Whilst the ILs are generally very nice people, they do have a tendency to be intense, like things done their way etc. and I can't see how we'll be able to stay on good terms if they're always popping in once the LO arrives. Obviously we're planning to make sure the LO sees lots of both sets of GPs - just didn't expect for this to be on their terms and so often... Any advice/suggestions for ways to deal with this welcome...

Just make it clear right from now, that this will nto change how often they see you or DC. Perhaps in conversation, you could query why they have rented a flat so close when you are only going to be seeing them every x amount of time anyway so driving to see them was not an issue.

Kelly - think that's a bit over the top! It might be quite nice to see them more often! As in once every few weeks rather than once every 6. Maybe they actually care about their family but don't want to impose by actually staying in their house.

You coul always ask about your parents being able to borrow the flat reguarly so as to ensure all grandparents get a fair share of access?

Totally out of order of them though!!!

1. Do not give them a key. Even on a temporary basis for example so they can wait in for a tradesman for you. If you try to get a key back off them they might cut a copy.

1. Find out how often they are likely to be in the flat. It may be less than you realise and that will make you feel less stressed.

1. ask about your parents being able to borrow the flat reguarly so as to ensure all grandparents get a fair share of access, good plan, however I would avoid talk of "fair access", this is often a bone of contention.

1. If they are silly enough to have rented a flat, they are also silly enough to stay at yours uninvited and for too long. Based on my own experience, better their own flat than staying at yours.

1. Request no visits without a call first, even if only a 5 minute warning. And that call needs to be one that you answer. Pay for caller recognition on your land line. My MIL turned up the day after I got home after CS. She had called but I had not been able to get the phone in time. I struggled down stairs to get the door. She was "just dropping some presents off". She already had been invited to visit later in the day. DH was out with my mother getting stuff for baby. I shut the door in her face. I will do the same again. Her appreciation of my space is much improved.

1. Use that useful phrase "No, that doesn't work for me". Do not justify yourself unless you are able to tell the truth. You might end up getting caught out. So MIL "we'll come round later for a cup of tea" You: "No, that doesn't work for me" MIL: "but I've not seen baby for a whole day" You: "We have plans, tomorrow will work better. I'm not sure what time but I'll call you". Then obviously you have to call her, but arrange a time that suits you, e.g. when you want to have a bath, when DH is home so he can deal with them (surely they want to see him too).

1. You might actually find this works for you, on tap baby sitting, help round the house, somewhere your parents can stay when they visit. Just make it clear that it's on your terms. That does not just mean saying No to all requests, it means being pro - active and making the invitations. Now if those don't suit them that's their problem!

Maybe (hopefully) they're just looking at coming down and using it once a month, to save you the journey you usually do. And they didn't like to presume to stay at your place.
Fingers crossed anyway.