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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU in giving my 5.5yr old DD chores.

41 replies

redderthanred · 15/09/2011 10:47

You would think so, because of the horror and comments people are making.
Ive not gone round annoucning it to people, but its come up in conversation and several people have said im out of order.

I work and am a lone parent. I dont have oddles of time.
I have got her doing the following: ( and i dont even think its that much)
Putting her pjs under her pillow and her dressing gown on the end of her bed ( dressing gown hook is too high for her to reach). I will have her making her own bed quite shortly.
Keeping her room tidy ( ish)
Putting her shoes away neatly ( not strewn all over the room)
Dirty clothes in the laundry basket, ones that can be worn again to be put on her bean bag.
Clean the dinner table ( taking dirty things to the kitchen)
Feeding the pets ( two of which are hers and were only brought on the understanding that she looks after them)
tidying up her toys when she is done.

So - AIBU and am i a shit mother for not doing all this for her?

OP posts:

VelvetSnow · 15/09/2011 15:44

one of my earliest memories is going round the house on hands and knees with a bowl of soapy water cleaning the skirting boards with a wet cloth - among other things my mum asked us to do this once a week.

YANBU

RhinestoneCowgirl · 15/09/2011 15:46

That sounds like a really reasonable list YANBU. I'm aiming to get DS (5) to do the same sorts of things (he does grumble, but mind you so do I, housework is dull!)

I am currently a SAHM but I definitely don't want to send the message to my children (5yrs and 2yrs) that one person runs around skivvying after everyone else in a household.

nokissymum · 15/09/2011 15:55

You sound like a very good mum OP

When i first saw your thread, i had visions of a 5yr old struggling up the stairs with a vacumm cleaner, and outside mowing the lawn

Solola · 15/09/2011 16:00

YANBU - you sound like a great mum! And now thanks to this thread I now have got lots of ideas of small manageable contributions my DS, 5yrs can make.

His current main job is to empty the knife and fork basket out of the dishwasher and sort all the cutlery out and he does this really well.

Liking the skirting board idea VelvetSnow!

SarahBumBarer · 15/09/2011 16:04

Ha ha ha - DS is 14 months and we are introducing the concept of putting away his toys to him.

Going really well (not) - he thinks we are giving them to him to play with and then taking them away!

So possibly a little early in my case - but 5.5? Absolutely fine. YANBU

buttonmoon78 · 15/09/2011 16:08

How come teaching her responsibilty is being 'not a proper mum'?

We don't turn into responsible adults we are taught how - by responsible parents.

The people you've talked to would be horrified at what mine have to do!

mumsamilitant · 15/09/2011 16:09

Of course you aren't, you're teaching her to be independent which is a good thing.

Now, if you were sending her up a chimney with brush, that would be a different matter.

Meglet · 15/09/2011 16:11

YANBU. I'm a LP and mine have to do pretty much the same stuff as your's .

4.10 yo DS is even being trained to take the sheets off his bed and put them in the washing machine every weekend. He (currently) thinks it's a huge game!

DoMeDon · 15/09/2011 16:14

YANBU

Can't wait to find a ACTUAL person who thinks you are U and why????

Not a proper mum - do you think they meant to use the word martyr instead of proper!?

I have friends who do it all themselves. Why?? Surely it is your job as a parent to teach your DC responsibilty, kindness and help them not continue thinking the world starts and ends with them!

OP- Those tasks are very similar to tasks expected of 7 yr old DSD here. Sadly DSD was reduced to tears by having to keep her room tidy when my friend's DD came to stay for weekend. Friend's DD is 5 and does nothing to help at home plus she is very much in charge and makes all her own decisions. She constantly messed up DSD's room and refused to help her tidy it. My friend just said that she tidies up the 'trail of destruction' when DC go to bed. I just don't get it, even 22 month old DD puts her toys away.

Avinalarf · 15/09/2011 16:16

YANBU. I am trying to get my scatterbrain 6 yr old DS to do some basic chores at the moment, with the aid of a reward chart.

Trying to get him to:
Put dirty clothes in laundry basket and make bed each morning.
Put shoes in neat pair in hall every time he takes them off (sick of searching for random shoes!)
Help set the table for dinner and clear away plates aftewards.

Its a start, and I am going to keep adding to it. Nothing worse than lazy kids!

Moominsarescary · 15/09/2011 16:22

Yanbu my 8 year old started doing all those things at 4 and does a few more things besides now he's older, gets his own breakfast, washes pots ( although only if he asks to do them) Helps dust and sometimes feeds his baby brother.

unpa1dcar3r · 15/09/2011 16:27

Hi Red
No you are most definately not being unreasonable and I would suggest that those who tell you you are need to get their heads out of their sanctimonious arses and join the real world.
They will be the ones who have spoilt brat kids, yours will learn respect and self awareness and will respect her property.

Mine always did chores, they are still alive, it didn't kill 'em!
You're a women raising a child alone, good for you, that's hard work. If you manage to instill these values into your daughter you've done/are doing a great job. Keep it up.

AMumInScotland · 15/09/2011 16:29

DoMeDon - and I'll bet your friend sighs about the "trail of destruction" as if it was an inevitable part of having a child, rather than something she chooses to tolerate!

sprinkles77 · 15/09/2011 16:35

YANBU. DS 18 months puts clothes in laundry basket, hands me things to hang on the line and yesterday helped me wipe the kitchen floor! Only when asked, of course!

DoMeDon · 15/09/2011 16:35

AMum - Quite the opposite she is surprised about my rules and thinks I am sucking the joy out of schildhood or some such shit. She actaully rolled her eyes when I reminded DSD that I'm not a skivvy and she had forgotten to take her plate out to the kitchen.

ExpensivePants · 15/09/2011 16:36

NBU at all. My 3yo tidies her toys away at the end of the day, puts dirty clothes in the washing, her night time nappies in the bin etc. Every so often I send her round the downstairs to pick up any rubbish she can find (stray wipes, tissues, escaped pencils etc, anything that ends up under tables or sofas)

It's part of living in a household. You help make a mess, you help tidy it. We were vv disorganised and cluttery until a couple of months ago. We've finally got our act together and we're all much happier for it, but everyone has to pull their weight.

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