or is she? Really don't want to spoil our trip.

[irrationalfury]

My good friend and I are off for a long weekend in a UK city tomorrow. She's off on an extended trip to Australia in a few weeks (she's resigned her job and is letting out her properties, a carpe diem moment she's been working for for ages), and suggested that she use up some BA airmiles and get us the flights.

I could really, really use a break and jumped at the chance. To say thankyou I took her out for dinner and am paying for a guided daytrip in this city. I also suggested I sort out the accommodation. She initially agreed and suggested I look 'around the £400 mark'. It's a really expensive city so I was looking at the holiday inn city east, that sort of thing. But almost immediately she said that as she had the time and some contacts in the industry, how about she sorted out the hotel too.

(I am going to mention here that she is very very much better-off than me, which has never been an issue in our friendship but might explain some differing expectations. We come from similar fairly comfortable backgrounds).

Anyway, she emailed me saying she'd found a great late deal and booked one of those apart'hotels, a two-bed right in the centre and one of the top rated tripadvisor hotels for this city. I replied right away saying wow, you got that for £100 a night?! She didn't respond until a couple of days ago and lo and by 'around the £400 mark' she'd meant each.

Sigh. Anyway, she'd paid a very hefty deposit and it was too late to find something cheaper so we're staying there.

Now - she thinks I should pay my half anyway. I could just about manage it by digging into my overdraft etc. I do understand that it was a miscommunication and she's getting my flight. But it does rankle, she knows what a stretch this trip was in the first place (DH is taking half-days from work so he can collect the DCs from school etc).

However, this is a long-weekend trip just the two of us, ahead of her leaving the country for at the very least some months (and maybe longer). We'll be together every day, all day. I want to have a nice time. I hate arguments.

I don't want to be all twisted and resentful all weekend. I don't want to pay £400 to stay somewhere I would never have chosen - I feel like it was her choice to be so extravagant and she should've checked with me before booking. But then again she thought I'd agreed to £400pp. But then AGAIN, she knows how tight things are for me, isn't that a strange thing for me to agree to? But then again it's not a lot of money to her. Etc etc.

Should I just let it go or should I say I can't afford to pay it? Or offer to pay in installments or something? Or say no way? Or... what?

I've just read your latest post OP - that does sound tough as she clearly has her heart set on certain things. It is likely that she simply does not understand the pay gap between you and is being thoughtless, although you say she is aware of this. I have to say, I think she is being unreasonable and selfish. If she has the money and genuinely wants to experience this weekend together, she would pay for you. That's what I would do in her shoes and friends have done it for me in the past. I hope you can find a compromise, but please don't feel bullied into spending money you don't have. A true friend would not want this.

If I was organising hotels for me and a friend, I'd jolly well run the final choice by them before booking anything, even if I had it in writing that they'd agreed to the cost.
Just out of basic courtesy.
YANBU.

Also (and it has probably already been said) but if I was your good friend, then there is no way on EARTH that I would want you to have to go into overdraft or any debt in order to go away on a jolly for a weekend. Even if I was going overseas and especially if I knew I was better off financially than you.

I also think I would have triple checked that you were ok with everything before I put down a deposit.

It is tough but you really should not get into debt for this. You wanted a weekend away to cement your friendship.

Hopefully you can sort it all out somehow - that is what friends are for...

Good luck and keep us posted!!!

How much were the flights?

That is so annoying. So you are going to be paying 400 for accomodation and how much for the day trip? It's sounding very expensive for a weekend.

She sounds a bit clueless and insensitive if it didn't occur to her that you couldn't afford that, especially as you had been suggesting places half the price. Do you think she is just dozy or do you think she might have thought "fuck it, I want to stay somewhere posh"?

they were free.

She may well be on a big 'this is my time for adventure, I might be leaving for years, I want to DO FUN STUFF' jag. Totally get that. But my reality is v different, which she knows but maybe doesn't 'know'. She's single with no kids so the whole DH's time off work/childcare/etc thing - she does know, but there's knowing and experiencing.

I am going to be paying £500 and then food/whatever on top of that - luckily it's a city with lots on which is cheap and I found loads of good ideas so I think it won't be too much more on top of that.

But that is money I seriously don't have for a weekend away in the rain - could go to spain for that x2!

What I DON'T want to do is be silently seething or biting my tongue to stop snide comments.