How would you cook an elephants trunk?

[DonaldMcronald]

4am this morning while nursing newborn my mind started wandering and I got to thinking how to cook an elephant. The only thing you can do with the ears is to deep fry them and serve with a sweet chilli dip
The trunk I would stuff with a blue cheese and walnut stuffing and roast it to get a nice crackling then serve it in inch thick rounds

A winning dish for come dine with me

What about the other courses?

The other courses I will do tommorow

You would need a very big pot

Elephants are my favourite animals and this has made me cry

Perhaps you need some more sleep, OP?!

You could of course make a soup with the tail - a bit like oxtail but chunkier?

You could get some nice chunky steaks off an elephant. :)

Hope you get a lot more sleep tonight. also eat plenty (not necessarily elephant) . If you are dreaming/over thinking about food you may well be hungry/undernourished.

The legs are sent to kebab shops, where they are gradually shaved into pittas and sold with chilli sauce to drunks.

I think you could use the ears as a sort of tortilla.

You would hack it up and bung it in the slow cooker of course.

Very much on board with the idea of ears as tortillas.

Or...get some sleep

peeriebear - are you somehow insinuating that I eat elephant kebabs after two shandys on a Friday? The chilli sauce does cover the leathery elephanty taste somewhat.

Like calamari.

I think you have made me feel a little bit sick...

We have a basset hound. We often amuse ourselves by contemplating how we would prepare her massive ears for the table...

Like calamari? Would it have two holes, like a figure of 8?

spit roast it over an open fire.

Chopped into chunks. Maybe a nice stew?

Nooo Lynette. No, no, no.

See it's only the front bit of the trunk that has two holes. They go straight into one after that, like a big tube.

Well known made up fact.

Elephant Stew

Don't get me wrong, I love animals and this recipe was given to me as a laugh, so have a smile with me. This dish takes about 2 to 3 months to prepare.
Note: Under no circumstances do we kill elephants for food in South Africa. All elephants exist protected in their natural habitat in our game parks. When the parks become overpopulated (elephants are very destructive to the flora) they are either re-located or undergo planned culling.

Ingredients

1 Elephant
10 Warthog
100 kilogram tomatoes
half ton potatoes
2 bags onions
100 kilogram salt
1 wheelbarrow onions (heaped)
10 liter vinegar
20 liter chutney
4 Guineafowl

Method

Hunt the elephant, warthog and guineafowl. Hang guineafowl to ripen. Cut elephant into edible chunks, (will take about a month). Boil the warthog with other ingredients (except guineafowl) till nice and juicy. Now boil elephant chunks over high flames till tender. (will take about 4 weeks) and add everything together. Boil for another 5 to 7 days.

Produces about 3,500 helpings.

Note: If the above isn't enough, add the guineafowl as well.

Poor elephant, why would that even cross your mind :( and poor bassett hound, we have one of those too.

You could always slice it up quite thinly, dunk the bits in batter then deep fry in a squid ring styleee.

Pass them around as canapes.

Stuff it, like a super giant meaty marrow?

Do you, BlueMoon? Surely you must sometimes sometimes contemplate those huge, silky tabs and consider alternative used for them? Mittens? coasters?

*uses - gah

Raw, with wasabi

Not really vivipru other than being jealous that she has a permanent black out blind/blanket to carry round with her - she always sleeps under her ears, so cute.