Should I lie to my grocer about what I've been up to?

[AgentZigzag]

My local grocers is run by a lovely couple, probably in their 40's and look like they might have been a bit 'alternative' in a previous life (he looks like Gary Newman ).

I go in a couple of times a week, and I'm usually served by the woman, who likes to talk to DD2/have a bit of a chinwag etc.

The problem is that I'm one for only doing the small talk thing, and not going any further. So I don't mind chatting about the weather (dull, but it's impossible to sidestep remarking on it round these parts) but I'd stop short of what me and DH get up to once the DC are in bed.

This coupled with the fact that my life is quite 'calm' by choice since we got married, we do the normal shit everyone does holidays/days out/going out to see friends/family, but I'm done with fitting 6 kazillion things in everyday.

So when the grocer invariably asks me 'What did you get up to over the weekend?' or 'What have you got planned for today/tonight?' I kind of go into mumbling mode, there's only so many times you can say 'Oh, not much', 'this and that', 'the usual'.

So what could I say instead?

Obviously dishonesty is a despicable crime, but I think in the circumstances a little bending of the truth is called for.

Just in case I'm accused of drip feeding - they sell <a class="break-all" href="http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?q=hybrid+broccoli+and+cauliflower&hl=en&sa=X&biw=1146&bih=718&tbm=isch&prmd=imvns&tbnid=Y34kwxgNjVnT6M:&imgrefurl=newcreationist.blogspot.com/2011/02/resilient-design-of-gods-creation-of.html&docid=Y9I9rs-2Jzq38M&w=640&h=510&ei=xKpwTs6nF43Hsgbf16ybBw&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=157&vpy=171&dur=1278&hovh=167&hovw=181&tx=134&ty=121&page=1&tbnh=167&tbnw=181&start=0&ndsp=14&ved=1t:429,r:0,s:0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">broccoflowers, purple cauliflowers and doughnut peaches

Why do you have to be dishonest? What kind of lie are you looking for?

They are just making conversation. 'Not much' or 'The usual' are perfectly fine things to say, even more than once.

Go to Tesco.

Oh, no relaying the dangerous liaisons I had with the butcher then tee?

I'm disappointed.

But they don't sell broccoflowers rips

He's probably just looking for you to say 'blahblahblah hoovering, how about you?' so that he can tell you about his scuba diving. Give him the opportunity!

Invent another persona specifically for when you are talking to them

eg. as soon as you walk through those doors you become Crystal Featherstone-Haugh a retired high-class escort girl who is now a stunt-double for . Things you are doing this weekend could include a refresher course on paragliding followed by a 'Performing Stunts Whilst on Fire' seminar.

You get the idea....

i wouldn't bother. i doubt they realy expct people to relay their whole weekend and would be mortified if they knew you felt you had to lie. just continue saying "notmuch" "the usual" etc. they wont mind.

That's a toughie, if you say too much they could ask you about it next time and you'll have to keep the 'lie' going.

I'd keep it vague.

Evening: feet up and watching the TV.

Day time: a bit of tidying up and pottering.

Weekend: oh let's see what the weather's like. It turns the conversation back to the weather.

"What did I get up to? Oh, well, when I was a young 'un my average weekend would have taken in a couple of swingers' clubs, a Sunny Delight flashmob on the steps of Downing St, tightrope-walking across the Thames dressed as a giant strawberry and possibly a pie eating competition. But these days I'm married with children, so we mostly just sit around watching TV and eating broccoflowers."

I think they're just making polite chit chat and don't actually want to hear chapter and verse on your whole weekend.

Also sometimes people ask you this because they actually want to talk about their own weekend plans.

Broccoflowers are very beautiful, aren't they?

I'm going to have to google doughnut peaches now...

YY to a separate persona Croissant, maybe I could go along the secret agent route? Say little, but say it furtively

You could just tap your nose, smile mysteriously and say, 'the usual!'. Then they can imagine what they like.

Although you may then find yourself getting phone calls requesting all sorts of narcotics. Maybe not a good idea, in hindsight.

broccoflowers??

that's a romanesco.

...scurries off to google doughnut peaches, am I going to be disappointed and find out they are apples?

Broccoflowers are ace, you can't help but go right up to the fractal pattern just to see if it really does get smaller and smaller

Doughnut peachers are really juicy.

I have googled....they are flat peaches. 3)

I fear I may be too old for fancy fruit and veg. ;)

I thought only hairdressers did this! At least in a shop you can get away easily!
Could you go at a busier time so they won't have time to chat?

Have you told him he looks like Gary Newman? That could lead to music you're into rather than what you're up to.

I want a broccoflower!

Don't make up too elaborate a lie.. you'll have to keep it up. It'll be like the time I inexplicably pretended to be Australian to a taxi driver when I was a bit drunk one night.. I was on my own so there was absolutely no excuse for it.. I had to do a dreadful Australian accent the whole way home.

That made me chortle Snake.
Why, just why did you do that?

I once pretended to be spanish to a bunch of drunk older blokes who were trying to chat up me and bf ... kept it going for ages using four real words and a load of nonsense while bf 'translated' they were entranced, then just before we got on the bus home I shouted tarra pets! on their faces I can still see today

Tell him you are busy writing your doctoral thesis on fractal patterns in nature, so on saturday you went hillwalking to collect bracken and please can you have another head of romanesco?

Without any disrespect to sufferers of the syndrome, maybe I could develop foreign accent syndrome?

I think a Russian accent would suit.

Like you say Snake, keep it simple.