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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To call my dp up on drinking two bottles of wine when I'm on antidepressants - update

43 replies

alwaysblue · 14/09/2011 14:47

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1292420-To-call-my-dp-up-on-drinking-two-bottles-of-wine-when-Im-on-antidepressants

so i started that thread a week or so ago - now something else has happened and id appreciate your pov as ive honestly lost all perspective on dps drinking.

so last night he went out and said he intended to be home by 12. fair enough i wasnt really bothered what time hed be back as i knew id be in bed regardless. so he cam home in the very small hours, i was asleep in spare room with ds, 18 months. i went in to get him to go to work (we drive in together, with ds) and hes asleep on the floor (i had heard a thud earlier on, presuming now that was him falling out of bed) hardly able to string two word together. so i went and got me and ds changed and eventually went back and told him hed have to move his car off the drive, so i could take my car to work. after much messing he eventually found keys. he was still atrociously drunk, his speech was unrecognisable and even his face looked different iyswim. he had to move his car so i could get out as i cant drive his car. so he moves out, i pull out and wait for him to pull back in the drive so ican drive past and he reverses right in to me.

last year he was out with a friend and they both got horribly drunk and stayed out all night (he came home at 9am) i later found out drugs had been involved that night and the friend he was out with was found unconscious on the side of the road and taken to hospital.

aibu in thinking a 31yr old father shouldnt really be carrying on like this. it disgusts me to think of ds seeing him like that.

sorry its long

OP posts:

Bramshott · 14/09/2011 15:34

There are 2 separate issues here.

YANBU to want to talk to him very seriously about his drinking if he has got so drunk on a weeknight that he couldn't function or go into work the next day. But YABU if you want him to give up drinking completely or getting occasionally drunk just because he's now a father.

Clearly YwereBU to ask him to move the car when he was clearly still drunk. You should have moved his car (I don't like driving / moving other people's cars, but sometimes needs must) or in the worst case scenario, got a taxi into work.

Hope he sobers up later and you can talk to him about it.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 14/09/2011 15:36

If it's a problem to you, it's a problem. You're a family, a unit and you're supposed to treat each other with respect and work together. That's quite a grown-up concept and some people aren't happy with any idea of having to adapt to new responsibilities. There are practical things you could try. You could agree not to have wine in the house, for example... if it's not there, it can't be drunk. And the nights out could be relegated to occasional weekends only so that it doesn't interfere with work commitments. And do you ever go out as a couple? A nice evening somewhere where no-one comes home steaming drunk?

BalloonSlayer · 14/09/2011 15:40

She says in the OP "i cant drive his car"

notherdaynotherdollar · 14/09/2011 15:50

why cant you drive his car 10 yards

fanjobanjowanjo · 14/09/2011 15:55

Stop it with the car! That issue is seen to!

OP: He has a drink problem going off what you have said, he should seek help. You can do much better than being called a cunt etc! I'd have a chat when he sobers up, but he sounds no good to me.

banana87 · 14/09/2011 15:55

Can't drive his car or won't drive his car? A car is a car. If you can drive, you can drive. No excuses really.

northernruth · 14/09/2011 16:01

The amount he's drinking sounds excessive and your comment that he can't leave it once it's open is a big red flag - what would he do if there were more in the house? We have about 15 bottles in the next room at the moment, would he drink till he fell over?

The car is a side issue, you were daft, but let's not get too sidetracked

Original poster

alwaysblue · 14/09/2011 16:17

i cant drive his car. does it really matter to you all why i cant?
thanks to all for your replies. im angry with myself for getting him to move the car, and im angry with him for gettng in such a state and leaving me in that position.

OP posts:

notherdaynotherdollar · 14/09/2011 16:25

i cant drive his car. does it really matter to you all why i cant?

well yes. I am trying hard to imagine a situation where i couldnt move any car if I had to. What if it was an emergency?

intrigued now

fanjobanjowanjo · 14/09/2011 16:27

The OP has told you she can't drive it, that is fair enough.

I can't drive my dads car as it's a honking great 4x4 and I'd be too frightened to. I drive a teeny yaris.

banana87 · 14/09/2011 16:38

It matters because you purposely asked a very drunk person to drive. Because you "can't".

fanjobanjowanjo · 14/09/2011 16:46

She's already admitted she was in the wrong, so shut up, give her a break and help her with her problem or go away.

AgentZigzag · 14/09/2011 16:56

'I think all the comments about 'why did you let him drive the car?' and 'where was the baby' are missing the point.'

I think they're really important questions Cogito, I agree they're only part of the problem, but the OP knows the answer to 'AIBU to think my DH is a twat drinking so much when he has to go to work the next day'.

I wanted to know why the OP thought asking him to move his car when he was 'asleep on the floor (i had heard a thud earlier on, presuming now that was him falling out of bed) hardly able to string two word together' and 'he was still atrociously drunk, his speech was unrecognisable and even his face looked different iyswim', so not just a borderline tipsy the next day, he was steaming drunk.

I'm guessing you wouldn't ask your DP (if you have one) to move a car in that state? So what was it that made the OP think it a reasonable thing to ask?

And if the OP can't see that was a ridiculous thing to ask a drunk person to do, why would I not ask her where her DS was? She'd got them both ready to go out, I just presumed she was going to work afterwards so were both in the car.

AgentZigzag · 14/09/2011 16:58

No need for any shut ups fanjo, the OP asked, posters are answering.

Everyone has their own opinion, and I'm not going anywhere just because it's different to yours.

DraculasMum · 14/09/2011 17:11

op I really feel for you, been there got the t-shirt.

The reality is this, when someone starts to let alcohol take over there life it doesn't get better, it spirals out of control and then they hit rock bottom.

In my situation my ex drank excessively and was an angry drunk, then he started hitting me.

In your situation you have a child to consider, children pick up on everything that goes on around them and you should not be allowing your dp to be coming into the home where your child is sleeping when he cannot even function. Imo if I was you I would be giving out an ultimatum.

'Either quit the drink and be a grown up or go off and enjoy a life of drinking'

as far as the car situation is concerned, depending on how hard he reversed into you I would get the car seats checked out. Would it be possible for future thinking to put your car behind his if you can't drive his.
This will avoid the same situation happening again, the consequences of driving whilst drunk can be fatal and you should not under any circumstances be insisting on him driving whilst under the influence.