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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be very upset that the teacher keeps throwing my 8 year old sons work in the bin

42 replies

feelingupset · 14/09/2011 13:18

He's 8 and in year 4 and has told me that the new teacher will take his work and throw it in the bin and make him redo it because its messy or because he hasn't tried hard enough. Sometimes he cries or gets cross and refuses so he is then sent out the class. I'm very upset but not sure what to do or if this is normal practise in schools nowadays.

OP posts:

KeepInMind · 14/09/2011 14:54

You need to speak to the head

exoticfruits · 14/09/2011 14:54

As a teacher I hated this 'go to the Head' advice. The first thing to do is have a polite chat to the teacher-very often it is a mountain out of a molehill.

IfoundmyGspot · 14/09/2011 14:57

I disagree. If the teacher is 'dodgy' they will smile and say all the right things then make things even worse, except they will be a lot more cute about it...i speak from personal experience.

Going to the Head is perfectly rational and the correct procedure. How are they meant to uphold the standards of their teachers if parents keep information from them ? It doesn't have to be all guns blazing, just concern.

Also, what is more important, the education of your child or the feelings of a teacher that might have been behaving inappropriately ?

ErnesttheBavarian · 14/09/2011 15:57

very often when a child tells you something has gone wrong, you don't get the full story. This may be because the child sees things very literally, or one dimensionally, or can only see their perspective, or misheard, or misunderstood, or forgot or plain lied, possibly by omission.

If you go directly to the head, the most you can do is voice concerns. the head doesn't know the whole story, can't really answer your questions. it just doesn't make any sense. You go to the teacher. You discuss with them. If you're not happy with the teacher's response or with the outcome, or dc says problem is still ongoing, then you go further.

Going straight to the head implies you don't trust the teacher, you assume they're wrong, you are not able to deal with conflicts/situations, it's immediately accusing someone without giving them the opportunity to explain, and frankly leaves you open to potentially looking foolish if the dc has got the wrong end of the stick or it is in some way a misunderstanding. And it makes what could be a simple chat with a simple explanation a time consuming process which will potentially lead to bad feelings.

Over the years, there may well be many situations you need clarified. DO people really run straight to the head every time?

GetAwayFromHerYouBitch · 14/09/2011 16:03

If the teacher is doing this, then it's not good practice.

I'd go in for an exploratory chat with her first, then if not satisfied, the head. Give the teacher the respect to hear what's happening.

Insomnia11 · 14/09/2011 16:09

I disagree. If the teacher is 'dodgy' they will smile and say all the right things then make things even worse, except they will be a lot more cute about it...i speak from personal experience.

But then if you don't feel you've had a satisfactory response THEN you go to see the head. Not immediately.

GloriaVanderbilt · 14/09/2011 16:16

This is an awful thing for anyone to do to a child

Please stand up for your son and others who may be enduring this as well and put a stop to it.

Teacher sounds shite

GloriaVanderbilt · 14/09/2011 16:18

Would never go to the head at ours anyway as she's worse than anyone else and full of BS

just go in and confront the teacher (not aggressively, ascertain the story first) and tell them (if this is really happening) that it's unacceptable and you will consider a formal complaint if it continues

Ormirian · 14/09/2011 16:43

"Also, what is more important, the education of your child or the feelings of a teacher that might have been behaving inappropriately "

it's not a question of considering the teacher's feelings. It's a more important question of trying to build a relationship between you and the teacher. if you go straight to the head you are giving the teacher a clear message that you don't trust her or beleive her - not a good way to start a relationship that needs to last amicably until next July. It will be for the benefit of your child to try approaching the teacher first.

talkingnonsense · 14/09/2011 17:36

You do need the full story- I have thrown work in the bin when a child wrote swear words, deliberately to shock, and also once with a child who I knew was arsing around and I wanted to make the point it was unacceptable. Dont think that is likely this early in the term, but definitely try to find out first.

Meteorite · 14/09/2011 17:50

YANBU

Doodlez · 14/09/2011 20:02

If I made a mistake a work, I'd be freakin' upset if the customer went straight to my MD to complain - least give me the chance to rectify my mistake first!

DownbytheRiverside · 14/09/2011 20:07

Our head wouldn't discuss it with you unless you had talked to the teacher first.

Mitmoo · 14/09/2011 20:18

Whilst it is good etiquette to go to the teacher first and that should be the first port of call. But what's the problem with going to the manager?

If I have a rude waitress, I'll ask for the manager.

If a sales person refuses a refund on a dodgy item, I'll go to the manager.

I would always try to resolve the matter in a school with the teacher first but always reserve the right to go to the head if I'm not satisfied.

Guns blazing is never a good style, focussed informed and determined that certain behaviours are not acceptable is much better. Though with one thoroughly useless and dangerous teacher I wished now I hadn't been so reasonable.

Salmotrutta · 14/09/2011 20:30

This is not on if what your DS is telling you is the full story. Pupils need positive comments and targets to improve - we do this at secondary too.

The only "work" I've ever thrown in the bin has been the dodgy scribblings of adoslescent boys (with raging hormones) caught out in misbehaviour.

You need to establish what the facts are.

How many times has this apparently happened?
How confident are you that you are hearing the whole story?
Make an appointment
Lay out your concerns about what your DS has said
Ask the teacher what her side of the story is. Ask her how she is trying to help improve this work.
If you are not satisfied then take it further

GetAwayFromHerYouBitch · 14/09/2011 20:52

Mitmoo - the difference here is that the cases you describe, you have witnessed yourself.

I'm not saying that children lie, but sometimes they exaggerate, misinterpret, miss out vital information ........

ErnesttheBavarian · 15/09/2011 07:52

"This is not on if what your DS is telling you is the full story." exactly. but unless OP speaks to the teacher, no one will be any the wiser anyway, cos the head teacher won't know!

Mitmoo, I don't understand your post, as you start off saying you would go to the boss, but end by saying it's best to speak to the teacher 1st, and then go to the head.

Which is what most other were saying anyway. You seem to argue against but then agree

Anyway, don't matter.

Alss that matters is OP manages to speak to someone, ideally teacher, find out what's happening, and hopefully be reassured that all is ok and that her ds is ok and thriving. Nothing worse than feeling powerless to help or wondering wtf is going on and not really knowing.

good luck op.

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