CM issues....AIBU?? Not sure if this is right place to post but here goes....

[ChunLi]

Hi, first time posting so bear with me if I ramble slightly....

My DS, just turned 2yo, has been with CM for about a year now.

A little background information....We have always been happy with CM and her husband, they seemed a lovely couple/family and they go Kidspace nearly everyday so DS was very happy.

I told her he had allergies, which we were still trying to figure out, she seemed to brush off a lot of what I said (because I'm a young mum perhaps?)and ask me if I'm sure, perhaps it is just his hair products (he has afro hair)!!
We knew he was lactose intolerant and reacted to eggs, but in the last few weeks she told me he'd been eating cheese pizza and also 'accidentally' picked up some scotch eggs!!

His RAST tests showed he is allergic to egg white! He is lactose intolerant!! NO dairy!!
I insisted that she made sure that didnt happen but she kind of played it down that they couldn't stop him, he was too quick, and he is very very active so I tried to understand.

But in the last month before the summer holidays there were more issues forming, I noticed she wasn't changing Ds's nappy, he would come home soaking wet, a couple times with poo in his nappy, but as I tried to sympathise (she has 7 children pregnant with 8th plus others she looks after)I never said anything. This I now know was a mistake.

I thought it would be okay because he wouldn't be with her long, we had told her we may not continue after the term, and she said fine just let her know, but when we did she stated "that's fine I will just need 4 weeks pay in lieu."
This we weren't aware of, I said I will have to see and she shut the door on me.

After checking the contract I saw tht she was right, I was infuriated that she hadnt mentioned this but I accept that I should always read the small print, you can't give notice in holiday time so I waited till the first day back to give 4 weeks notice and that was a week and a half ago.

So now he is still attending, but I feel so guilty. I have been marking the nappies to make sure, and the last two days he came home wearing the same nappy he went there in (he attends 9.15-3.45).

Today I spoke to her and asked her how often she changes his nappy. She told me 2-3 times a day, and I stated that he wore the same nappy all day yesterday, but she tried to say she changed him and she "has all different nappies around the house", how is that even relevant? He was wearing the SAME nappy!!! WHY is she lying to me??!!
Anyway I said no it was definitely the same nappy (I didnt tell her I marked it), could she write down everytime he has a nappy change and everything he eats in the day (the gp needs me to do this now as he has to go for further testing).
She asked for her book before she could do that, a little book that she used to write in everyday, but I stopped taking this in because she stopped writing in it and she always told me she didnt have time to.
So I dont know where that book is now, I asked her to write it on paper till I get a new book.

One last gripe, in June she gave me a set of fees for the extended care hours, (which will just be for the last two weeks of his attendnce now), saying 7.30 - 6pm will be £45 a day, I still have this letter. When I emailed and gave notice, stating the lst two weeks will be extended hours, she wrote back sying all ok, reminder of fees policy and that week one and two will be £175, week 3 and 4 will be £275...that's £50 more than she originally stated!! Can she do this? I plan on putting £225 in her account anyway lol... I also want to state my experience (in a much more succinct paragraph lol!) on a childcare.co.uk review (that's how i found her) to warn other parents...can I do that without hassle? Should I mke a complaint to OFSTED?

Anyway, he will be leaving at the end of the month to go to a small private nursery.....but I just feel SO guilty, I have to attend university which I have just started and I can't even think of skipping lessons for three weeks, things are fragile at OH's job already because he taken time off for our other children and we can't afford to pay her and someone else at the same time.

I just worry if she really looks afer him, how much attention he gets, if he's learnt anything while there?? Does she record anything about their time during their day?? Is it that she can't handle all these children she has??

And I wish I hadn't tried to be so plesant about everything! Just too nice all the time! I'm always trying to be polite, not make a fuss...argh!!

I guess it is too late now but I just needed to vent, my OH thinks I'm paranoid and that there is just 'tension'...he even suggested that maybe she sees the marked nappy, changes him and makes the same mark on the nappy!!! (not only highly improbable but just a completely ludicrous suggestion in itself!!!). My best friend who is the only one with with children herself said she couldn't believe I left him in her care and I should take him out immmediately...but I have no other choice!

AIBU??!!

Any Netmums listening your advice is GREATLY appreciated!!!

She doesn't even sound like a cm to me!

Thank you all for your responses, @mrsgaff its already done! and @yellowdinosaur she has told me he is a registered childminder, but seeing as they find it so easy to lie who knows!

I actually still can't get over the fact they had written the entire day of ds's 'report' before it was even lunchtime!!

I should say that most of her own children are over 8, and on the surface she did seem really lovely, I think this has just taught me to go with my gut the moment I get that 'mother's intuition' kind of feeling.

I'm still furious with OH too for not believing me! But the point is DS is home safe and sound now, I may have to skip some uni but I am happier knowing he is with me until he reaches his new nursery.....they may wonder who is the new over-protective mum that asks all the questions but i dont give a monkeys! I will never ever ever let anything like this happen again!!!

Thank you again to everyone for their kind responses xxx

Number for registering concerns or complaints about childcare with Ofsted:
0300 123 1231

If she is registered, they should be very interested in your complaint (note that they only deal with care issues, not the money/contract issues).
If she is not registered they will still be very interested as she is breaking the law.

Chunli- This sounds horrific and I hope you get it all sorted out. Good luck

Right decision OP, have a lovely calm afternoon. I was thinking though, given he was given all these foods did he present any allergic reaction?

Just to add that if you have a standing order with your bank to pay her, then cancel this immediately.

I unfortunately have been in the same position as yourself, my first cm turned into a vile nightmare, I ended up reporting her to ofsted to stop her looking after children.

I have now just registered as a childminder myself as I want to provide actual care for children.

A few points on what you have said;

• giving notice - you have to give 4 weeks notice to terminate the contract, that works both ways between you and the cm.. In fairness you should always read your contracts so you know the requirements.

the note book - part of the ofsted regulations for childminders is that you must follow observations quidelines and made documentation on the child in the care, ask her for your sons file that she should of been keeping upto date. she must give this to you*

*nappy changes - failing to change your sons nappy is neglect, however unless you can prove this it is your word against hers unfortunately, however if you complain to ofsted they will investigate.

the husband - did you see her ofsted registration certificate? Was he on it as an assistant or childminder? You should always see this certificate before placing a child with a cm. if he is not named on the cert as a assistant or childminder and he is looking after your son alone you MUST report them to ofsted*

What I don't understand is why the OP would leave their child with her in the first place? Seven children?

I would not give her ONE penny more and I would be reportin her and sending her a letter stating why she's gettng no more cash....she hasn't looked after your son...shes taken money and left him in dirty nappies and let hm eat food which is not safe.

WHat's more she probably takes them to that playcantre because then she can sit on her arse and leave them to it.

I would want to smack her actually.

how awful! i also had a bad situation with a childminder. my daughter had only been in her care 2 weeks and in that time she took 6 sick days for various reasons (most of which i don't believe) and then gave me her notice and said she was quitting child minding!no mention of this when i signed up three weeks earlier! i was also previously unhappy as i know childminders numbers don't count for children they look after over the age of 8 (or something like that) but she had so many children in her house when i went to pick my daughter up i couldn't see how she could possibly watch a then 10 month old at the same time! i got my daughter registered in a nursery and took her out of childminders care. i also refused to pay her as i argued that i had to take the place whilst it was available as it was her who chose to leave. she did tell me i had to pay a notice period but i told her tough luck and a year later i've heard nothing more about it. u have to put yourself and your child first and you need someone who is reliable! my daughter loves nursery and there isn't the disruption to you if someones ill or got an appointment etc that there is if you have a childminder. i feel it's a shame that there does seem to be lousy CMs about as i'm sure there are CMs who are brilliant at their job and are reliable. however, everyone i know that has tried CMs has ended up having problems.

Regardless of what it says in the contract, you shouldn't pay her. She has not done the job she was contracted to do. End of.

Neglecting the child is grounds for immediate termination of the contract. When you complain to ofsted, mention that they filled in the diary sheet for the whole day when you collected your child before lunch, that they lied about the activities your child was doing and that you marked the nappies, so know they haven't been changed.

The sooner you do this, the better. This cm should not be looking after children.

btw report to OFSTED asap!

Can I just say as the OP, that we have we used her for over a year with no problems, if you read the posts properly you will see that it is only about a month before the 6 weeks holiday we noticed things going downhill, I believe this is a direct result of her becoming pregnant, and although she has seven children most of them are grown, some in their twenties and I wouldn't hold this against her.

He has mild allergies so reacts mildly to all sorts of things like small random rashes appear but so far we have only worked out that egg white is a problem, possibly mushrooms, and he is lactose intolerant. He is still having tests to see what else but it is not a pleasant process.

YES I saw all her documents, qualifications and certificates...I am not a complete numpty. It is bad enough feelin guilty without coming here for advice and people trying to make out you are an incompetent mother.

I haven't used a cm before and financially it is worrying to think you will be caught up in a legal battle.
Plus my other half was telling me I was paranoid and overreacting so I guess part of me was doubting myself...

I do my best as a mum I don't always get it right but for anyone implying anything other than that should keep it to themselves or stick it where the sun don't shine!!! If I didn't care I wouldnt have come on here would I??!!

op there a few unhelpful posts on here just by pass them and don't worry what they say!

However I must say I made quite a helpful post to you which you have totally over looked. That's your decision but you shouldn't just ignore posts when people are trying to help

hi draculasmum, you are right, and there have been many posts from many helpful people including yourself and again i thank you all...

i think i saw a post just below yours and went straight into rant mode! its hard to reply to every single message but your advice as someone who has been through it themselves is appreciated.

Chunli,
agree with draculasmum (he is a lovely boy!) that some people will find an opportunity to fling poo. and quite right too to ignore them. But, most people do talk sense. I do remind myself that I am not in your shoes but have had to leave my children with CM's and such. It is the hardest thing to do and when you feel that it has gone wrong, you feel the full weight of that guilt. It doesn't help when others put the boot in.

As I say on all these matters. Please let women stop dumping on other women regards their choices There are enough ass holes out there willing to do it.

It is a learning curve this parenting lark. You get more assertive, you get far more able to flick the v's at those wasting your time and stealing your money. The next level you need to experience is builders and workmen. YOu will find that as you go along, you become less willing to be "nicey nicey" as once shafted twice shy. Go on, take on a shop assistant at TopShop and make her run around the shop, then say, no thanks and leave. Such fun