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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU about (male) Best-friend??

73 replies

gokeyyourself · 14/09/2011 00:14

I'm pregnant with my first and Baby's 'father' is not and never will be in the picture.
When I was about 2months gone I moved city and bumped into a very old friend from my Uni days (we had been very good friends,but graduating in different years and moving to different countries meant we driffted apart) But bumping into each other in the park we became very good (best) friends - far better friends than we ever where in uni.

He has wanted to and offered to help me getting stuff ready for DC. taking me to hospital, helping me buy stuff, and actually appears attached to the bump. (I accepted his help/just being there)

I love that fact that he is doing those things when I didn't ask him to.

There have been incidences when I think our relationship is going to go 'futher' but then together we are 'touchy-feely' to each other

I welcome his help and his friendship above any help he gives. That is far more important to me than him doing anything for me and baby

But a few people have said some things about me 'using' him and it has made me doubt the way we are together and what he is doing for us

My DMum thinks that I am using him and exploiting his kindness (her exact words) and some friends (not in the group we hang out with but in other cities) have also said that I should 'let him go' now as once baby is born he wont want to be around.

AIBU by letting him do all these things and just ....(don't know how to explain it) ??

OP posts:
northernruth · 14/09/2011 20:30

Please love him, it would make my night

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 14/09/2011 20:30

I think you lurve him

Grin
Original poster
gokeyyourself · 14/09/2011 21:10

Well I know I love him whether I lurve him.......:P
Does it look like I love him? reading this back.... I may have to do this soomer or later. (he is currently making me a cup of tea - he bought a crib for DC at his today and came bouncing in telling me all about it)

Fuck - Maybe I do love him ........

OP posts:
GetAwayFromHerYouBitch · 14/09/2011 21:20

I think it reads like you are smiling as you talk about him.

Lurve

Onemorning · 14/09/2011 21:27

[sigh emoticon]

Onemorning · 14/09/2011 21:27

I meant sigh in a good way, obvs.

And YADNBU.

Imnotdarrellrivers · 14/09/2011 21:52

Definatly definatly lurve and I bet you have a massive grin on your face at the mo

(oh and tell your 'friends' and DMum about crib - 'cause he aint going anywhere - plus it is super sweet)

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 14/09/2011 22:07

He bought a crib for when the baby is at his? Is that right?

Original poster
gokeyyourself · 14/09/2011 22:23

kind of - we spend half our time at the others one house (often spend the night as we live close to each other, we have stuff at each others) so it is for baby when I'm over there, so DC has a proper place to sleep at his.

OP posts:
WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 14/09/2011 22:25

Tell her mum and friends that and tell them to shove their opinions up their arses!

It sounds as though you are practically in a relationship with him, just haven't made that final step.

northernruth · 14/09/2011 22:33

Please give him a kiss

RueyBoey · 14/09/2011 22:42

I second northernruth please please just kiss him. You obviously love him he obviously loves you and bump.
And could you please please do it tonight so you can come and tell us in the morning what it is like???? pretty please.

WhoseGotMyEyebrows · 14/09/2011 23:26

aaahhhh this is so nice! [melts into a slushy puddle]

blueberryink · 15/09/2011 00:08

gokeyyourself and very nice man [swoon] sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G

I do hope you have kissed him and that he was over the moon. because it is so obvious.

Ohh i feel like goo.

fortyplus · 15/09/2011 00:15

One of my friends met her dh when she was about 2 months pg with her xp's baby. He came to the birth, has always been the father to the child, they have a ds of their own and have been together over 20 years.

It happens Smile

AnyFucker · 15/09/2011 00:20

why couldn't this be the start of something deeper just because it started when you were pregnant ?

and even if it isn't, he is a friend helping another friend

tell the nosy Doubting Toms to do one

lazarusb · 15/09/2011 09:19

Snog him. Now. You know you want to. We know you want to. Make his day.

Original poster
gokeyyourself · 15/09/2011 22:44

I will just say that he definatly didn't kiss like that in uni :D
and I can't get this stupid grin off my face :D :D :D
Thank you xxxxxxxx :D :D :D :D

OP posts:
Imnotdarrellrivers · 15/09/2011 23:11

YAY!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm so pleased for you and him (guessing this means you are now in a relationshp with each other).

And I hope you have had a proper talk with each other about it all.

ravenAK · 15/09/2011 23:21

Aw bless! [:)]

That's great. He sounds lovely.

northernruth · 15/09/2011 23:23

Yay!!!!! Hurrah.

RueyBoey · 15/09/2011 23:52

Hip hip hurray!!!!!!
Yay - I'm sooooooo pleased for you both (well the 3 of you)

solidgoldbrass · 16/09/2011 00:02

Wish you luck and all that (it's moved on since I started reading). However it is also possible that in this situation the man is gay/not sexually interested in the PG woman but is broody and wishes to be a good friend. Heteromonogamy is not compulsory ie if you are a single mum or mum-to-be you don't have to attach yourself to a partner if you don't want to, or if there is no one around who is available, attractive and not a knobbo.
The man sounds nice and so do you, don't let a lot of mundanes fuck up a situation that is working perfectly well.

letspickgoogleberries · 16/09/2011 00:35

OP I am pleased for you. And I'm glad that you took what must have been a big step and an even bigger gamble to go after something that you want.

I would say though makes sure you both have a good heart to heart and a serious discussion with each other.

solidgold is right about being in a relationship not being compulsory but equally if you feel it is worth a shot and It may be something special then I would say have the courage to go for it. Otherwise you may find in 10/15 years down the ine you do wonder what if?

But I would also say that while she may be right re gay/no sexually interested. I would go on your gut. You have known him for some length of time (granted with a break in between) so I am sure you have a good idea about him in those reguards. And yes he may be broody/wants to just be a good friend. But it sounds like he shared your feelings and some of the things strike me as more than just a good friend.
So while i would heed her words, ultimatly I would go with your gut (it is there for a reason)
Congratualtions and good luck with the future.

lazarusb · 16/09/2011 11:55

Smile Good for you! Set some clear guidelines though (as SGB & Googleberries have said) and remember that this relationship involves more than 2 people. Take it slow, no need to rush into anything at all and enjoy your friendship blossoming into something more. (Ignore the people putting you down, men can genuinely be attracted to women who are pregnant and/or have children).