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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect a good friend to include me as a friend on Facebook?

18 replies

emlu67 · 13/09/2011 22:31

A friend recently asked me if I was on Facebook as she was thinking of joining. I said that I was and we had a long discussion about it. Haven't spoken to her for a few weeks but noticed that a mutual friend was now 'friends' with her. I looked her up and found that she now has lots of 'friends' but has not asked me to be one of them nor told me that she was on it. I have an unusual surname so she would have no trouble finding me!

We have been friends for over 20 years and see each other about every other month or so which is not that much I know but I still consider her a good friend although in recent months it has been me contacting her more than the other way round. She has a new man and a new job so may just be busy but I am a bit hurt about this Facebook thing.

Thoughts please....

OP posts:

Merrylegs · 13/09/2011 22:32

Send her a friend request and see what happens.

lisad123 · 13/09/2011 22:32

Maybe she's not found them but they found her and she hasn't worked out how to add people yet. Send a friend request and be dine with it life's too short

CocoPopsAddict · 13/09/2011 22:33

Sounds like an oversight.

I mean, she wouldn't ask if you were on facebook if she had no intention of being 'friends' with you on there!

Kayano · 13/09/2011 22:35

For gods sake
Just add her!

She said she was new to it. Your overthinking it

ilovesooty · 13/09/2011 22:35

I'm struggling to see why adding someone as a friend on Facebook matters much if she's been a good friend to you for 20 years. Send her a friend request if it's bothering you orring up and ask her why she hasn't added you.

Crosshair · 13/09/2011 22:35

really? Just add her.

HPonEverything · 13/09/2011 22:37

When my DH joined facebook a few months back he suddenly had loads of 'friends' without even doing anything. He'd clicked something that just seemed to add everyone who'd ever emailed him to ask him to be on Facebook, not sure what as I never click anything like that . Anyway because he'd resisted so long there were absolutely tons of them. So it might be that your friend has done the same and because you've never invited her it means you're not included.

Alternatively she might have clicked to add all her Hotmail contacts, which I think is also possible (or used to be).

Don't automatically think it's a direct snub because she probably doesn't know what she's doing if she's only just joined...

Minshu · 13/09/2011 22:38

She might not feel the need to have you as a facebook friend if you are a real friend, iyswim? Some people only use fb for people they never see and can't really be bothered to keep in touch with properly...

mercibucket · 13/09/2011 22:38

don't overthink!
facebook probably just suggested them all from email contacts or something and she's still working out how to add people
why didn't you invite her when you saw her name?

zukiecat · 13/09/2011 22:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

A1980 · 13/09/2011 22:45

perhaps she doesn't want you as an fb friend as she would rather stay in mroe personal individual contact with you. You have been friends for 20 years.

This sort of thing is why i refuse to join fb!

Goofymum · 13/09/2011 22:45

YABU. Some people do not automatically add all their friends when they join FB. Just send her a friend request.

Argh, FB pisses me off so much and this sort of thing is one of the reasons why. Yes, I know it helps some people keep in touch but it also reduces grown adults to paranoid wrecks.

DoMeDon · 13/09/2011 22:46

YAB daft - it's FB - just add her.

ThePrincessRoyalFiggyrolls · 13/09/2011 22:47

A1980 is probably right, all my really close mates who I speak to don't really communicate with me via fb, friends from school do and past, some of the mums from school but really good mates don't really bother with me on there.

moominmarvellous · 13/09/2011 23:56

I have a wonderful friend, she is on FB as I am I, but I don't want to add her because I like the fact that we still call each other for a catch up and don't already know the 'headlines' of each others week.

Our news is actually news to each other as opposed to a conversation where each sentence ends with 'oh yes I saw that on FB.....'

We've never discussed the fact that we haven't requested each other, although we do mention FB occasionally.

SatisfiedOtter · 14/09/2011 05:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

rubyrubyruby · 14/09/2011 05:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Groovee · 14/09/2011 07:06

My mum joined facebook at the weekend and the first I knew about it was her becoming friends with my nieces and brother. But she got peeved as I'm not searchable and she was using the wrong email address for me too. I sent her a request and there we are friends. Add her as a friend and don't over think it.

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