to not invite extended family to wedding?

[mumofbumblebea]

sorry ladies, i know another wedding related post! mine is a little different so bear with me (although it was reassuring to read that many people are in a similar boat). anyway my partner and i are planning on getting married in edinburgh (where my partner and i went on our first holiday) in a few months, just at the registry office and then out for a meal afterwards. we have invited just parents, siblings, their partners and children, and our grandparents (plus our own daughter of course). well since then it has all kicked off, most of the family are happy for us but a couple of his aunts and cousins are mortified that they have not been invited and have said that they no longer consider us to be family! we've explained that if we invited them we would have to invite all our aunties, uncles, cousins plus partners and children etc which would take our guest list from 15 to over 40! we're paying for the wedding ourselves (except my dress which my mum is paying for, which is actually a bridesmaid dress) and can't afford to pay for that many people as i will be a preggers bride, plus it would mean that we would be paying to please others rather than ourselves. DP is gutted they have reacted this way as he was really looking forward to the day, plus he was adopted into the family so their comments have really hurt him. (this obviously makes us want to invite them even less). so are we being reasonable to just invite close family, or AWBU? plus any advice on how to handle these family members.

I kind of have mixed feelings about this. You are funding it so it is up to you who you invite. But I can also understand their upset at being left out of an important family occasion.

I don't know what your extended family are thinking, but if it was me I would rather be invited to the wedding part and then told that you are sorry you haven't enough money to pay for everyone's meal - but they are welcome to come if they can pay for it, but you will understand if they don't want to do this.

I actually think the wedding ceremony is the most important part and the part I would most want to be invited to. The rest is really just a knees up.

none of the family, including us, actually live in edinburgh. DPs family are from gloucestershire, so it's a bit far to go just for a half-hour ceremony.

This is why you should get married with about four friends and tell the family afterwards.

YANBU they are, very.

We are doing the same. I shall be writing a note to my cousins who invited us to their weddings a couple of years ago, but we just cannot afford to invite all family. As it is, mine and OHs immediate family will be 30 people - to add all aunts, uncles and cousins I kid you not pushes it to over 100! Not affordable!

It is really out of order and I can't believe they 'don't consider you family' because of it. Ask them if they are willing to pay their way if they are so insistent - I bet things change then. They are just after a nice meal and free drinks.

ChristinedePizan "This is why you should get married with about four friends and tell the family afterwards."

Oh, but we've seen the trouble that can lead to on the other thread!!!

one thing that is making me feel a bit guilty though is that we have been to three family weddings (my cousins wedding and two of DPs cousins) this year and haven't invited any of those people to ours. however, those weddings were all big do's that were largely funded by brides parents (my dad passed away a year ago so this isn't an option for us, and partly why i don't fancy having a big wedding with a walk down the aisle etc). does that make us look like freeloaders? we appreciated being invited to those weddings and the money they spent for us to be there but we would have been fine with not being invited as well.

Freeloading - not at all!!!!!!

My cousin came to my wedding, I didn't go to hers - wasn't invited! Not worried about it at all, I love my cousin! (Although perhaps had she invited me the marriage might have worked out [griin] )

Your wedding your thang, get so cross about that sort of thing, my dh's great aunt (invited to wedding!) got pissed off with us as her gc weren't invited - my immediate nieces and nephews were part of the ceremony and had never met great aunt or her gc!