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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To tell DP that his clothes look stupid?

34 replies

Cavvie · 10/09/2011 09:11

When I first met DP he wore scruffy, oversized clothes that just looked awful. He had a job interview once and was going to go dressed in ancient scruffy, 3 sizes too big, jeans with a horrible old grey t-shirt with dragons on the front I got him kitted out properly and he got the job. Since then he started making more of an effort, chucked out his old big clothes and bought nice, modern stuff that fit him properly. I never wanted him to dress like a superstar, just to dress DECENT.

Anyway he seems to be going back to the way he used to be. A number of times now he's come to pick me up in jeans with a hole in the knee and now he's got this obsession with buying old jumpers off ebay or from car boot sales for £1 which are blatantly years old, ill fitting and scruffy. At first he said these jumpers were just for the in the house but he's wearing them constantly. We went out for coffee a few days ago and he wore this old jumper that was bitty to hell, right up his back from where it had obviously gone out of shape years ago and just looked silly.

I'm embarrassed to go out with him like this. Do I tell him or just reconsider the relationship entirely rather than trying to change someone who obviously doesn't want to change?

OP posts:

FabbyChic · 10/09/2011 09:14

Tell him he looks scruffy!

PrimaBallerina · 10/09/2011 09:20

He was like it when you met him so he's not BU.

Have a chat with him to see if he's willing to make more effort when you're out together.

If not then is it a deal breaker? Is he an otherwise good man? If so be careful about chucking it away. I'd hate to think of you heartbroken and full of regret after seeing your gorgeous, kind scruffy man out with a new girl.

Original poster

Cavvie · 10/09/2011 09:23

It's not just this, I don't think he takes much care of himself personally either. I'm sure he only showers etc when he knows I'm going around. I just get that impression.

OP posts:

woollyideas · 10/09/2011 09:26

YANBU. Take a photograph of him, post on FB and invite the world to laugh at him! That'll learn him.

SazZaVoom · 10/09/2011 09:26

Errrr, well you don't seem to really like him very much.

nightshade · 10/09/2011 09:26

lived with a fellow like that for years! hubby is quite the opposite! know which one i prefer!!

EnglishMumInSouthOfFrance · 10/09/2011 09:30

If my DH had his way I'd spend my life wearing mini skirts and high heels. I spend most of my life in long skirts and flip-flops. He loves me for who I am and vice versa.
If your hubby needs to smarten up for special occasions YANBU to tell him he looks scruffy. For every day clothes YABU, people generally like wearing clothes they are comfortable in, also it's not as if he dressed in Armani suits when you met in and then suddenly started imitating Kurt Cobain (I suppose that could be seen as a breach of contract or misinformation).
Try and find a compromise maybe? He can wear scruffy clothes most of the time, but when you go out somewhere nice together (not talking about a trip to the local pub or supermarket here) tell him how much you'd like to see him wearing that top or those trousers you like so much (imply him looking sexy may lead to ... well, sex, that usually works!).

LadyOfTheManor · 10/09/2011 09:33

DO what I do, once you've done a wash throw out things you dislike. My dh has a horrid habit of keeping work socks (he's a welder so wears thick socks under heavy foot wear), but he'll keep them when they start to thread. I just throw them away when I rifle through the washing. I'm not proud to admit that I've done it with a few t-shirts of his I don't like.

PrimaBallerina · 10/09/2011 09:39

at Lady

I've been so tempted to do that before but never dared. DH has the most disgusting pair of old flip flops he will not part with.

LynetteScavo · 10/09/2011 09:42

When I read about the jumpers, I presumed his personal hygiene wasn't going to be much.

What is his house like? I'm imagining he doesn't have a love of cleaning and tidying.

You have to think consider how much you like him, and if you can put up with his look. Personally, I couldn't live with it.

LadyOfTheManor · 10/09/2011 09:44

Prima-ah just do it say in November where they have the least amount of wear. Feign innocence, or blame children. Children...those under 3 are pretty good for taking the blame.

SarahStratton · 10/09/2011 09:47

My washing machine was given to having disastrous accidents with XH's clothes. The bastard orange sweater was the worst. I boil washed it and it grew. That baffled him, he was used to being handed back dolly sized sweaters.

BuntyCollocks · 10/09/2011 09:49

Chuck them when you're doing the wash. My husband has 'lost' many a horrible t-shirt that way, as he tends to keep both them and shirts until they fall to bits or he can no longer stuff them in a draw there's so many.

Then, when they ask, you smile and say, "I've no idea where that is, darling."

Job done.

SarahStratton · 10/09/2011 09:59

Dogs are excellent flip flop/clothes destroyers. Well worth the investment.

minxofmancunia · 10/09/2011 10:01

OP sorry your post made me laugh about the t-shirt with dragons on, I can just imagine it! YANBU

I have a similar problem with DH except he does want to look good but he seems to trash his clothes by wearing them to death. I had to send him upstairs twice before he took dd to ballet this am as he looked so disastrous. When i met him he was 27 and could get away with scruffy urban cool.

Now he's nearly 40 he looks like an old tramp.

HecateQueenOfWitches · 10/09/2011 10:03

Tell him how you feel.

He then has a choice. If he wants to smarten up a bit because it matters to you, he will. If he'd rather stay scruffy, then he will and it's back to you - do you like him as a person, regardless how he dresses, or will you vote with your feet unless he wears clothes that don't embarrass you.

SuePurblybilt · 10/09/2011 10:04

I used to have terrible trouble with moths

If he's a soap-dodger too, I think you have to have The Chat though, tbh.

Original poster

Cavvie · 10/09/2011 10:05

Honestly if I shrank it and smeared chocolate mouse all over it he'd just grumble and say "Oh well, it will have to do" and would still wear it.

I don't do his washing anyway lol

It's not the same as being purposely scruffy (i.e. Kurt Cobain), that can actually look cool. Dp's is completely down to a lack of effort and being tight with money

OP posts:

FredBare · 10/09/2011 10:16

are you his mummy?

ProfessionallyOffendedGoblin · 10/09/2011 10:32

Tell him, but I don't think you are suited as a couple TBH. He may try to change to please you, but he obviously finds it hard to sustain.

sue52 · 10/09/2011 10:46

My DH is wonderful in every way bar a complete lack of interest in clothes. I started choosing his clothes years ago and tell him what to wear and when to get his hair cut. It sounds controlling but it works for us. I could not stand being married to a scruff.

ProfessionallyOffendedGoblin · 10/09/2011 10:50

If e doesn't mind, and it works for you, then that's fine.

purplepidjin · 10/09/2011 11:02

The miserliness and lack of self respect would ring alarm bells with me, I'm afraid.

TrillianAstra · 10/09/2011 11:12

The lack of showering would bother me more than the poor choice of clothes.

StopRainingPlease · 10/09/2011 11:22

Does he work in IT?

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