To think that government statistics are a load of bollocks

[mumsamilitant]

Tried to write this 3 times and got bombed out so very short version now.

DP is a firefighter.

They (the government) are trying to close stations etc according to their statistics.

Apparently, fire deaths are statistically at the minimum.

This is what really goes on.

If the person doesnt die on scene its not a fire death.

As in, if the person dies on the way to hospital - its not "counted" as a fire death.

If the person dies of smoke inhalation, burns etc. in hospital, guess what, its
not counted as a fire death.

Well blimey,that would lower the statistics now wouldnt it!

End of factual rant now.

Off to have last swig of gin (deep sigh) but have a lovely dark chocolate truffle calling me from fridge. Sod slimming world!

Pours cold Stella into iced glass from freezer - passes it to corn. Enjoy!

Yes, if youre going to bloody die, die in your damn house! have statistics to worry about. izzy they only look good in the proper go out and get kit. Once off, nah... its a fantasy.

Immensely relieved I'm not the only one hoping that it pisses down on all the politicians and other free loaders assembled in the various olympic stadia next year.

Or should I be hoping that more than a few of them spontaneously combust which will up the deaths by fire stats and give our heroic firefighters a chance to strut their stuff in front of a global audience?

You mean it was all padding mums?

It's ok, really, am blazing like a Roman Candle, am going up & out in style.

Right.. off to bedfordshire. FFS its 4am! blimey! will feel like shite in the morning.. Memories!!!

DP on a -massive perverted jolly in benedorm- at a retirement of course. So Im on my own binge. But Izzy there are very hunky 30 year olds on his watch [wink}

lauging my head off here.. ummm symbols. nunite girls

Would that watch be blue, mums, you naughty young girl

Up, up and away, spiders? You're obviously smoking the good stuff.

Still here.. rolling another damn fag as never know when to quit.

O, the smell of old shag - spiders' just inspired me to have a rolly too, even though a nicotine hit will ensure I won't sleep for the next few hours.

Wondering if spiders will communicate from beyond the veil? Is there a seance section on mumsnet.

It's ok - fear not - I just roached Maisie's leg (is that wrong? She's been lurking about for a good couple of months).

God - that is wrong isn't it?

It would depend on what kind of a statistic Maisie is.

I'm a tad worried at having to roach the legs of lurkers on the other side...

Can you hear any choirs, harps, or beating of wings where you are spiders?

Oh God, it is wrong isn't it?

I haven't ripped a book apart, it was a bit of a book that has been lying in the study for months.

Really.

I live in a world of harps, choirs & beating wings.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, I always knew being Catholic would do me no good.

if it's <a class="break-all" href="http://www.google.co.uk/imgres?q=maisy+mouse&hl=en&sa=X&biw=1146&bih=718&tbm=isch&prmd=ivns&tbnid=N8NXl2nz_Zv1PM:&imgrefurl=nick-jr-old-shows.blogspot.com/2010/07/maisy-mouse.html&docid=0LPQWskqxswODM&w=400&h=305&ei=0NdqTuflPJG28QPGurkx&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=849&vpy=259&dur=1786&hovh=196&hovw=257&tx=146&ty=100&page=1&tbnh=125&tbnw=187&start=0&ndsp=24&ved=1t:429,r:11,s:0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Maisy Mouses leg

You been having one of your intense drives studying dark literature again?

And there was I thinking that Beelzebub had a devil set aside for every mumsnetter (and a veritable horde waiting for a frequent certain OP).

Have you met Elvis yet, spiders?

Errrr - yes ZZ, sorry.......

Ohhh - Izzy - who is the frequent OP??

& Yes - he's smaller in real (dead) life.

Don't beat yourself up, spiders. It worked for the Pope.

& Yes ZZ, but no, it was one of Maisie's horse's legs.

Wrong.

But wrong.

Statistics can be manipulated to show any findings you desire.

It has been proved by research that 96.7% of all statistics are wholly spurious and a figment of the imagination.

There are lies, damned lies, statistics, and government statistics. If they are ever true it is by coincidence.