my mother is spoiling my son's christening

[february1970]

Long story cut short - my parents DREADFULLY acrimonious divorce 15 years ago, both remarried now.

Mother still won't stop going on about my father's adultery and how he has ruined her life. Would like to invite both to son's christening, father is going on hols and christening falls when he is away. Mother will not come if he is there so decided not to say anything to him and have son's christening without him. He would probably change holiday dates.

Mother says if I do invite him she will not come as she will not play happy families and it is too painful for her to bear. We are not married as I have never felt that I could have a (peaceful) wedding due to their divorce and I would really like my son to have a "normal" day. Otherwise Mother has been a great grandmother and a great help to us with baby. What would you do? My mother is lovely but very very unreasonable. Help!

We didn't invite anyone to our DCs christenings it was just us, baby and godparents.
No fuss at all.

What chummymummy said. And then suggest she has some counselling - 15 years is a very long time to have maintained this level of anger.

I agree with the majority post above. It's a day for your DS and the people who will play an important role in his life and whether your mother likes it or not your father is one of those people. It's completely unfair that she puts you in this position and although I can appreciate that you don't want to hurt her feelings but it's time for her to move on.

It's really sad that she hasn't been able to deal with the bitterness she has been carrying around for 15 years. I feel a little sorry for her new husband that she still has feelings this strong towards her ex.

You need to confront your Mother.

She says 'he has to pay' but the reality of her behaviour means everyone ELSE (ie; you, your son etc) are the ones paying. You will have to stand up to her and speak plainly. Regardless of what he did to her, he is still your Father and if you want him in your life that is your right.

She is being very selfish.

You say she is good to you and a good Grandmother. So I understand it will be hard to do this. But, you must do it and over time she will digest it and realise you are right.

Tell her she is making the Christening about her and you won't have it.

Invite your father.

What happened between them is nothing to do with you and it is totally unfair of her to constantly try to make you choose.

He betrayed her. Of course she was angry with him. But she has no right to try to deny you a father. And it's 15 years later and she has someone else and she STILL tries to poison your relationship with him? She needs to put it in the past.

Invite him. Invite her. Make it clear that if she chooses to not go, that's up to her. Oh - you would also need to make it clear that if she does go, she does not cause a scene on what is your child's day.

And you could really do with telling her that he is your father and you love him and she has got to stop trying to make you choose between them, because you won't.

As the christening falls (how does a christening 'fall?) when your dad is away, you'll be okay won't you?