AIBU to think daddy is more important than a class ?

[MrGin]

I'm a nrp, I'm a good dad, I give my XP more than the CSA calculation, I accommodate any changes in agreed contact days if it's XP's mums b'day for example or if she's working. DD ( three years old ) stays with me alternate weekends Sat - Mon. I'm just a normal guy who loves his dd very much. I do get on with my XP despite a difficult early split but this is starting to crop up....

I'm trying to arrange a bit more free time so that I can see dd for another afternoon in the week but my XP is filling the week up with classes in addition to nursery, making it impossible. To be fair she's kept Mondays free for me, and I appreciate that classes like singing etc are good for dd.

I've suggested I pick dd up from nursery on a regular day, but this has met resistance ( she'd like it be more flexible ) and if I can't sort a flexible afternoon then we'll 'talk' said in an ominous tone.

Am I being unreasonable to think that an afternoon with daddy is more important than a singing lesson or a play group ? Or that me picking dd up every Wednesday from nursery and taking her back to mums is a helpful thing ?

thanks.

Oh Gin. You're a great dad, we all know how much you love your daughter. I think that your ex is a little to used to you doing the to-ing and fro-ing and dancing to the beat of her drum. You're not being unreasonable. There are countless ladies on MN who'd doubtless give an arm to have their XP actively trying to see more of their child. Your XP is being a bit of a silly billy.

Can you take her to a class that you can get involved in? Swimming or something?

Ok. Spoke to XP between posts. Seems to be resolved. Sort of.

Issue with picking up dd from nursery was more to do with her settling back into a routine before I start picking her up ( not really convinced but can live with that for the time being ) not to do with over exciting her.

And the general vagueness / resistance is due to her weekly pattern needing to be organized / change in the near future, i.e. if I take fixed hours off now and it turns out it would have been better to take a different time off.......

Strandedbear. Yes relationship is ok generally, I do stick around when I take dd back or pick her up. Even invited XP to mine as she's curious to see dd's bedroom make sure I clean the house

Thanks for the replies, they were helpful.

I think it would be lovely for you to take dd to the classes.

My ex dp really likes the days when he gets to do things like that, cubs or music classes, or just do the school run or whatever. I think it makes him feel like he is doing the real proper parenting stuff, and it gives him a proper insight into their interests rather than just being told about it and paying for half!

I think the dc benefit from it too, because it makes Daddy a person who is invloved in their lives and not just the fun person who takes them out at the weekends.

strandedbear, i got it from having a very long talk with the CAFCASS officer that we dealt with when we went to court to get a contact order for DSD.

It is good though that in your case your DD is ok with a two weekly interval between contact with her dad. It is a shame that her dad doesnt show any interest in seeing her more frequently. I think though that in a lot of cases such an interval is too long.

I think you should agree a set day for the time and then classes can be arranged around that. She will still have three days to play with.

I think this would be a great opportunity for the XP to get the OP to take DD to a class she loathed doing tbh (eg swimming)- kill two birds with one stone!

Would love to take dd swimming :-)

Another male nrp here.

Does this smell like a bit of a power struggle? I recall LOTS of times when I thought over a random and inconssitent request/decision from dd's mum, and largely 'let it go' if it was minor enough. Relations between me and exp. are generally good - but we were still very careful in the earlier days when dd was small to not confuse over how arrangements are i.e. 'we are not a "2 + 1" family but we both love you and you are dearest to both of us.'

YANBU. Its important that your DD has as much time with you as poss but there needs to be boundries between you and xp so as not to confuse your DD.

I would not like my ex staying in my house but i would make sure he was respected and give as much time with dc as poss. It would have to change when one of you found a new partner and it could cause trouble and upset DD, i just wouldn't do it.

It is difficult and only the two of you can work it out in the best intrest of your DD.

YANBU. And actually I need you to pick up my DS from nursery on Fridays, so if you could arrange a commute to Minnesota...

I think the ideas here are good ones; if she must take a class there's no reason you can't take her.

My goodness MrGin you sound like a wonderful daddy, no classes are not more important than daddy ffs, she is only 3 years old. Why the hell does a 3 year old have to have a full diary of classes plus nursery , your Ex sounds a bit of a shit tbh. I would be assertive and put your foot down firmly