aibu or is my sister?

[wfrances]

just spoke to mum ,my sister was up her house last night discussing xmas day plans.
her plan is were all go to her house- my issues are she has a cat dh is allergic (she told my mum shell kick the cat out while hes there)but allergies dont work like that-theres dander all over her house.
other problem is ive got 4 kids -youngest is 7 she hasnt got any.
we stopped going out for xmas day years ago as it wasnt fair on the kids to open and run.
plus they have decided turkey is off the menu??
mum reckons my sister has it all planned and she will be real upset if i tell her were not going.
do you think ibu or is she?

Um... The way I read it is thus:

Your sister is planning on inviting you for Christmas. She has put some thought to what she will cook, and wants to play host to her family (this includes you). Your partner is allergic to cats, so would have to take an antihistamine, like when my allergic friend visits me.

You have - indeed - got on your high horse and are whinging about something you haven't even discussed with her. If I were your sister, I'd think you're a right pain in the arse.

If you don't want to go, don't go. Get in touch with her and say you've heard what she's planning, but you already have other plans. I really don't see the problem here. It's very nice of your sister to offer.

Can we also assume that you've never thought to invite her and your mum to yours, to give them a bit of company?

YABU. Your dh can take some piriton before going. Your dc's will have a great day doing something different, including not having turkey I think it's really nice that your sister would want to invite you all around for Xmas, I know many people who wouldn't pre dc!

I would go and be grateful to have a 'year off' doing the normal xmas thing, and enjoy your Xmas day with your family Sounds lovely to me!

I'm still mad

YABU. Your sister is trying to do something nice but hasn't realised the consequences for you. She has said she would do something about the cat that she thought would work and obviously doesn't realise how hard it will be on the children.

You need to talk to her and explain how the children won't want to leave their new toys to go out on Christmas Day.

She might be upset but will just have to deal with it.

Talk to her about it.

I think your sister wants to host a family Christmas. From the sounds of it you haven't had one away from your home for years. Do you usually host her and your mother?

The allergy issue is valid. Kicking the cat out would help, as would a good hoover of floors and furniture and your DH taking anti-histamines for 2 days before hand (from 23rd) if his allergy is bad, as well as on the day itself.

You are obviously happy at home. I would ask why one Christmas day - not even the whole day and a 30 minute drive away - is too much to give when you've had years of having it your way. You would still wake up in your own beds. Your children would still open their presents at home. With DCs you're likely to be up for hours before she'd want you to come over!

'we stopped going out for xmas day years ago as it wasnt fair on the kids to open and run.'

Your youngest is 7? Definitely old enough to take one or two presents with him/her to play with. The same goes for your older ones. Just because it's at her house doesn't mean they won't get to play with there stuff. You can make sure of that. And if turkey is so important talk to her. Tell her that. You could always offer to cook a turkey and bring it with you so that you can have some for Christmas dinner.

To me, Christmas is about time spent as a family. Yes that means you and your DH and DCs but it also includes your sister. I know that you're happy with the way things are but she isn't. Could you talk to her and, with some alterations, let her have one year where she gets to have it her way?

their

YANBU

But talk her about it first.

As for those people who are 'just take Piriton' it depends how bad OP DH reaction is.

I'm allergic to cats even taking Piriton and cats removed from the house and all room hoovered my reaction is still at the servere end complete with swollen eyes (to the point of shutting), throat closing.

Can't you stay at home for the morning, open kids presents, have b'fast and arrive for lunch (kids don't HAVE to eat the turkey) and a family day? The children can always take a few suitable presents with them. I'm not sure it sends the right message to turn down a family invitation for the sake of presents at home. Just not quite the right priotities IMO.

Our family used to take turns in hosting Christmas (all about 1 hrs drive apart) when I was a child. We had no other cousins until we were about 12 so no other children to play with. Then after lunch we ALL played silly games that my Dad organised and used to have a great time.

Cat allergy is a diff issue!

I think that you are making a fuss far too early. Your sister hasn't discussed it, when she does just tell her that with 4 DC you will be staying at home, she can join you if she wishes.

If you don't want to go tell her that (directly, not through your mother) and don't go, but don't make excuses.

-I don't know about cat allergies, but others have suggested it can be dealt with by taking an antihistamine?
-DC can take toys with them and presumably will be given more while they're there ayway
-I can't imagine for a minute they're going to be expected to "sit quietly in front of the telly". Their Aunt knows that isn't what usually happens on Christmas Day. And who knows they might enjoy doing things differently
-The turkey thing is ridiculous. Christmas is about many different things, what you get to eat is really not top of the list and if it's that important to you, cook one yourself on Boxing Day/the weekend before...
-DH can take DC to see his mother in the morning and/or you can take her with you to your sister's. Or go to your sister's early and see her afterwards

All the issues you have raised are easily solved - you will sound like you're just being difficult because you don't want to go if you use any of them.

There is a danger with Christmas, I find, of putting far too much pressure on that one day to be perfect. It's just another day, when DCs get lots of presents. I really can't see that spending it at a different house will be end the of the world for them.

Or keep back some presents to open with the family?
We don't have Xmas day at home, and as I child I didn't either. We got a few presents to open first thing (from Father Christmas, mostly little bits and pieces). Then we had breakfast and went to my gran's house,had a big Christmas lunch with the whole family and only then opened the rest of our presents (which were from the family members who were there.) That way, my gran and my aunts etc got to see us open the things they'd given us, and we had toys to play with, plus loads of adults to help us construct things or figure out the rules to the new games etc. We do the same with our 2yo dd. So if you wait until you're at your sister's house before they open the things they've been given from your mum and your sister - problem solved. They'll have new toys to play with....

I used to spend xmas at various relatives houses, it was always quite exciting which house was to be 'the' house that year and the build up was awesome..especially as it meant trying lots of people's cooking and ways of doing things. Good times.

As for turkey won't be on the menu? We rarely have turkey anymore, at least by itself, a trio of meats is the way forward!

Also! As for xmas for is just for the children? Seriously....??? [ponders point of being young and childfree and therefore enjoying Christmas with family and friends ... clearly there is none and I shouldn't bother]

Sorry, did I fall asleep for three months and miss autumn? You're getting worked up about Christmas on the 8th of SEPTEMBER?

Way to go to give the argument maximum chance of festering into an all- out family feud come the festive season....