To not tell DS1 that a home tutor is coming tomorrow?

[BobblyGussets]

The top and bottom of it is: DS1(8, year four) needs a bit of extra help with school work. We also suspect Dyslexia (gets number 4 round the wrong way around for example). We mentioned a home tutor to him a while back and he whined, cried, gasped in horror etc so we dropped the subject until we found a good one, she comes recommended, has a dyslexic son and is a school teacher.

I asked him earlier if he would like it if someone came to help him with his school work avoiding mention of the word "tutor". Silly me He might need help with his school work, but he obviously isn't as daft as his mother because he said "Oh no! Not a tutor!"

Now I think he needs a bit of notice, say I will tell him tomorrow morning that a tutor will be round later to do some work with him. DH says,don't tell him. He will hardly be likely to kick off in front of her if she turns up and he can find out then. There is a trust issue with the latter strategy isn't there?

He doesn't want to do the work if I am completely honest. He is very strong willed and is not into academia at the moment.

I want a tutor because at the moment everything has been an argument and I don't want to argue anymore. He will (I hope) probably be good for the tutor and concentrate a bit.

Thanks BeerTricks. I will tell him tomorrow. I don't know when though. Maybe after lunch?
I hope you have had an easier ride of it this summer holidays than I have.

could you talk to tutor and downgrade her first visit so that you can truthfully tell ds tmrw that there's a tutor popping round to have a chat about the kind of things she can do and see whether she can help us at all?

Chances are if you can get him to be okay about meeting her she will be fine and he will be fine with her, just need to get her toe in the door before he runs and hides in a wardrobe!!!

Agree with plum tart. Think he'll be mortified if she just turns up and then he has to actually do some work with her.

Ive been a teacher and home tutor (now sahm). I think youll certainly waste the first lessons money if you don't tell him, and possibly a few more lessons too - he'll probably be in a "Im not going to be forced to do this" mode.
I only once had a tutee that I declined to tutor as he would hide under the kitchen table and sing la la la. I 'taught' him 3 times before advising the mother she was wasting her money with me and she needed to find someone else or something else. BUT - I had many others who were switched off at school but who quickly got on board with the 'fun' side of tutoring. I had lots of year 4 boys like you describe who looked forward to our lesson in the end. It doesnt take long.
I would tell him youre getting a tutor because you want him to enjoy his work more (not because his work inn't good enough). Prime the tutor that he's not interested and ask that he/she plans some fun work (computerised sums, short snappy games, competative stuff he has a good chance of winning etc)

I also think you need to tell him. One to one lessons are intense so if he won't engage you've wasted your cash. If he is dyslexic he will be absolutely knackered after school anyway.

Thanks everyone. DH told him this morning and after some initial wailing and gnashing of teeth ("You are ruining the last day of my summer holidays"), he is now calm and playing a computer game.

Cottonreels, thanks for the "enjoy the work" idea. I will use that if he is being negative later.