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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Daughter wants to sleep at friends house two doors down

72 replies

BimboNo5 · 05/09/2011 18:51

They are always in and out of each others houses, they are both six. I have said yes but now im wondering if its the wrong thing and worrying about everything that could go wrong.

OP posts:
Original poster
BimboNo5 · 05/09/2011 20:28

LeBof I never implied any such thing Hmm

Just explaining my point of view- didnt know that wasnt allowed

OP posts:
mummymccar · 05/09/2011 20:35

Put on a DVD, pour yourself a glass of wine and relax. If there is an emergency they'll come get you and you can be there within a minute. Trust me, at 2am you'll be fast asleep and the other mother will be tearing her hair out trying to get them to sleep! Have a nice night off tonight and recharge your batteries ready for dealing with an over-tired and grumpy DD in the morning.

LadyBeagleEyes · 05/09/2011 20:54

I think every parent has vague concerns when their child is away for the first time, but you do sound a bit paranoid OP.
Be careful as you could pass on that fear to your child.
It's not healthy for either of you.

LeBOF · 05/09/2011 21:06

I'm only pointing out the logical extention of your position.

Level of anxiety = Amount Of Child's Preciousness

Can't you see that it is not a reasonable justification for your worry? I am trying to help you see that you are doing neither of you any favours.

Original poster
BimboNo5 · 05/09/2011 21:09

Shes slept at lots of people's houses before, and on rainbows camps. The family are relatively new so I dont really know much about their background. I wouldn't be a very good parent imo if I let my kids go and stay with any tom dick or harry and not be a little anxious

OP posts:
LeBOF · 05/09/2011 21:18

So take control and go and meet the parents. Don't sit there whipping yourself into a frenzy about completely imaginary scenarios.

diddl · 05/09/2011 21:21

I agree.

Get to know the family-why let her stay before you do?

CamperFan · 05/09/2011 21:22

Personally I wouldn't let my child stay at someone's house if I did not know them well. But I assumed from your OP that you must know them fairly well given that your DD goes there loads anyway?

dorie · 05/09/2011 22:17

You can always say "no". Why would you allow your precious child to sleep at the home of someone you don't know? I wouldn't.

MrsRhettButler · 05/09/2011 22:21

My dd is not allowed to sleep at the neighbours houses, I don't 'know' them really do i....

I don't think it's precious, dd is only allowed to stay with family or godparents.
(she's nearly 6)

MrsRhettButler · 05/09/2011 22:23

We don't 'do' sleepovers.

LeBOF · 05/09/2011 22:27

I don't think it's especially over-protective either, MrsRhett. Just what you're comfortable with. What is daft is getting hysterical about the neighbours being evil paedos or something.

Original poster
BimboNo5 · 05/09/2011 22:28

Where the frigging fuck did I say the neighbours were paedos BOF? Do you never get bored of this shit?

OP posts:
festi · 05/09/2011 22:35

I wouldnt let my dd stay at a neighbours house if I didnt know them.

just to point out you did say they could be on the child protection registar...so that is amounting to you thinking they could be neglectfull or abusive, if you are having those thoughts. I would say you need to just make a decission, is any risk of possible harm worth taking with people you do not know, once you have decided make that a firm decission, what is not good is to be having such irrational and over whelming thoughts about it.

MrsRhettButler · 05/09/2011 22:35

Well the fact is they could be.....

MrsRhettButler · 05/09/2011 22:36

Just saying.....

LeBOF · 05/09/2011 22:36

I am a bit bored, I suppose, but I'm off to watch a film now, thanks. No, you didn't say paedos, but you mentioned the child protection register, so it's kind of on the way, isn't it?

My point being: don't catastrophise- get to know them, and start putting strategies in place to manage your anxiety, so you'll both be happier. Good luck.

festi · 05/09/2011 22:41

I think leBOFs post was taken the wrong way, I think she was attemping to put a rational thought proccess to you, rather than just flaming you. sometimes its better to just say it as it is rather than flounce it up, especially when someone is looking for help to see thier thoughts as irrational, you did kind of suggest your self you wanted it told like it is, from your OP and subsequant posts, im being knob admitted you knew your thoughts where neurotic etc. LeBOF possible took that you knew you where being irrational and needed a kick up the backside Grin

MightyQuim · 06/09/2011 00:10

The only thing that would worry me is them maybe not locking the door although I'd be more worried about dd getting out than someone getting in. DD is only 3 though so I may trust her more by the time she's 6.
YANBU to say no for now and to get to know the neighbours a bit first - although if they've been good enough to be in loco parentis in the day I don't see why that would change for overnight?

ChippingIn · 06/09/2011 00:35

Why on earth would you think they wouldn't lock the door - such a strange thing to consider.

If she's in & out of their house now - what's the difference?

MightyQuim · 06/09/2011 00:48

I know people who don't lock their doors. I think if the OP doesn't know them it's a legitimate concern.
Having said that I agree I would want to get to know the neighbours a bit BEFORE my dc had started going round regularly in the day. It seems a bit strange to suddenly be concerned. I don't see how the OP's concerns apply only to sleeping over.

CheerfulYank · 06/09/2011 05:42

I don't lock my door. Confused

Well, sometimes. But mostly I forget.

libelulle · 06/09/2011 06:11

Even if they don't lock their door - their own dd apparently manages to make it through the night alive and well, and has done for 6 years! Let her go, she'll be fine.

seeker · 06/09/2011 06:27

I am constantly amazed at the scary dangerous world some people inhabit -I'm really glad I don't live there!

everlong · 06/09/2011 07:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.