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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not understand people that spend a disproportionate amount of money on weddings

38 replies

Hammy02 · 05/09/2011 15:26

to the amount they earn/have in savings? Why get in debt for something that lasts one day at the most? I'm only asking as I work with someone that is always moaning about how small her flat is and how 'lucky' I am that I have a bigger house. Erm. I had a tiny wedding so had £20,000 extra to add to deposit. She spent £35,000 on her wedding. I have bitten my tongue so far but she is doing my head in.

OP posts:

Huffythetantrumslayer · 05/09/2011 15:51

I was gonna come and whinge but then you said about gettin into debt which we didn't do. Spent about 15k but we are not in debt and most of that was on the venue, food and drink so that all our family and friends who travelled quite a way to see us get married could have a bloody good time. Everything else I did as cheaply as poss. If we hadn't had the money we would either have done it cheaper or waited til we could save. Think it's daft to get into debt for one day. Probably daft to spend that much as well but it was a
Bloody good day!

GwendolineMaryLacey · 05/09/2011 15:52

Why bother getting married then Vixaxn? Your marriage is no different to the others that you only give a couple of years.

Tyrionlovingyourwork · 05/09/2011 15:53

Hammy02 I agree with you.

We were getting married and buying a house at the same time. We were lucky to be of the same opinion that weddings aren't important but marriages are.

Have a friend in the same position with two DC. IMHO I don't understand how they prioritise a massive one day wedding, especially as they have two kids (runs for cover).

Huffythetantrumslayer · 05/09/2011 15:53

Oh but don't get me wrong you don't have to spend a lot to have a good day. My friend got married in church and hired the church hall for reception, friends did the food, flowers etc and it was fab. We all brought a bottle, got pissed and a friend of ours fell off a wall. Also a bloody good day.

Helltotheno · 05/09/2011 15:56

Can't fathom it myself, though I respect that people can spend their dosh how they want. As for the whole parents paying for weddings thing, am totally anti that, for me and mine anyway. Wouldn't have dreamt of asking my Dad to part with his hard-earned pension money to pay for a glorified party for me, and my dd can go and sing for it if she thinks we will either. She'll get a pressie... if she's lucky

Insomnia11 · 05/09/2011 16:22

My mum and dad wanted to give us a few hundred towards it as their wedding gift. DH's mum and dad wanted to pay for the reception as their gift as they are pretty well off, which cost getting on for half the budget anyway. We saved up the other half ourselves- no debt involved. We had already bought a house as we'd lived together first. Ours cost £9,000 in 2004, and it wasn't disproportionate I don't think. We had 120 guests. Things we saved money on was my outfit- dress was £70 from Monsoon in the sale, a further £30 to get it taken in, shoes were £35 (new) from eBay, veil was similar price from eBay, can't remember how much the tiara was but not very much and also from eBay. I spend about as much on the outfit as getting my hair & makeup done! Bridesmaids outfits were from Coast, more expensive than my dress (!) but still not too bad. The honeymoon was a walking holiday in Spain and great value for money, plus we were staying in little villages so food and drink were very inexpensive too, and very little more to spend money on. My mother in law made and decorated the cake (very lucky) as we only wanted something very simple. I made the cake toppers in Fimo. I hand made the invitiations and favours - obviously some cost of materials but nothing like what you'd pay for someone else to do them.

Most expensive things apart from the reception were hiring a 1925 Rolls Royce, the flowers and the photographer. We (or me mainly) shopped around for everything though and didn't accept that everything with the word "wedding" in front of it came at a premium.

Vixaxn · 05/09/2011 16:55

"Why bother getting married then Vixaxn? Your marriage is no different to the others that you only give a couple of years."

I am aware of the odds. I hope I have chosen more wisely than most. Some women, often the same as the ones that want to spend thousands on their weddings, seem more interested in their 'big day' than if they really want to spend a lifetime with the person they are marrying.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 05/09/2011 17:04

Rubbish. I (my parents at their insistence) spent thousands, we have a big big family. It was a fantastic day to celebrate my marriage to DH 11 years ago. The cost has absolutely no relevence to the success of failure of the marriage and it's pretty laughable that you can stand in judgement of everyone else whilst thinking none of it applies to you.

spudulika · 05/09/2011 17:06

YANBU

I find it quite offensive that some people think the fact that spent a lot of money on their wedding somehow makes it more 'special' than a wedding which costs much less. Your best memories will be about each other, your vows and your family and friends. Everyone will have those memories, not just people who spen thousands and thousands of pounds.

TrillianAstra · 05/09/2011 17:12

I don't understand people who spend large amounts on their cars

or on having original paintings

or on keeping horses

or on sailing

or on personalised number plates

or on all sorts of things.

But it's not my place to call it disproportionate or to claim that it's all about show and that they must be unhappy in their relationships.

They are adults, if they have considered all the different ways in which they can spend their money and chosen this, then who am I to complain? even though they are idiots

sue52 · 05/09/2011 17:23

DH and I are paying for DD's wedding. We love our daughter and want to make this day special for her and her lovely DP. It's our little girl's big send off and price doesn't come into it.

issey6cats · 05/09/2011 18:34

i bet not many brides went to thier weddings with bouquets from the pound shop like me, they were doing some pretty pink or white poseys so i bought them added some curly wedding ribbon in silver and they looked really pretty then added mine to the top of the cake as a topper so didnt cost me any more for the top of the cake, got my flowers for the tables in bunches from poundland, some shiny red card that i cut into heart shapes, fixed oasis to the bases then put the flowers into that and they looked just as good as florist ones, ok all silk flowers but only needed them for one day

issey6cats · 05/09/2011 18:36

only my daughter out of the three of my kids is married and admit i didnt have oodles of cash spare at the time so i paid for her wedding dress, tiara and shoes

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