To ask what you think RE 'disability awareness badges'

[BahHumPug]

On the recent theme park thread, some posters suggested that children, or adults, with 'invisible disabilities' - for example, autism, GDD, S&L delay, ADHD etc should be issued with visible badges or passes to alert other theme park users that they may behave erratically or to explain why they are given queue jump privileges. This was suggested to avoid abuse and shouting that these children were being given preferential treatment for no 'obvious' reason.

Other posters compared this to a Nazi-type regime, and others agreed. As someone who works in both a special school and a children's hospice, I am torn. For one, it shouldn't have to come to this - people should not be abusive to those who are different, without the need for a visual prompt to alert them to an issue. But on the other hand, the world will sadly probably never be like this. I know many parents who have children with Autism Awareness badges and bracelets, and it can save a lot of bother and criticism. Personally, I give not a flying fuck if someone wants to stare at me when I'm out with the children I look after - that's their small-minded problem. But I imagine it's different for parents, and I've never experience abuse.

So, thoughts?

It is the staring , slack jawed , open-mouthed staring that I find the hardest to deal with.

My ds flaps , spins etc. and some people think it is ok to stare and stare and then stare more. I am not sure what to say to them.

My dd wanted to make a tshirt - "didn't your mother teach you it was rude to stare?" (She HATES it too.)
How do you deal with this?

There si no way I would make my child be labelled, I might have some cards to dish out that say "my child is autistic, what's your excuse?"

I have never done it but I admire those who have. I mean how stupid are people to not realise if the staff at theme parks are allowing people on without queuing, there might actually be a reason for it. I certainly wouldn't put a t-shirt on my child announcing his autism to all and sundry because they have the intelligence of an anoemba.

eggandcress - I had the 'it's such a shame' comment today. For the first time in a long time actually. Our son gets stared at all of the time because he has a feeding tube up his nostril. It was worse when he was first born because he had an NPA (breathing tube) in his other nostril.

I don't think I do handle it that well. I usually just stare back.

mouseface - We stare back too but sometimes they are so busy staring at ds they don't even notice!

I am so amazed that people are so rude to anyone as per PP. Not saying it didn't happen - I just can't imagine how adults can be so insular and self-absorbed as to not understand that others may have 'issues' that don't involve something obvious like missing their legs.

DD2 has arthritis (not terribly badly but she does need extra help at times) and is now too big for a ordinary pushchair so she has got a SN pushchair (she's only 3 but the size some of of DD1's Y1 classmates!).

We have had it TWO days and already she has had someone make comments about her being in the pushchair when her younger sister was being carried by me (we were at a hospital shop buying a snack by a cashier). This was directed at her rather than to me and when I explained she had arthritis, she got patronised (patted on her head) then all further comments directed at me as though I had said she was not there.

I think wearing a visible identifier in a public venue has to be an individual choice. Perhaps it could help raise awareness?

Education is definately the key. I think many, incl. myself, are not aware of the symptoms of most invisible disibilities, and therefore assume bad behaviour.

I found the other thread very enlightning. My DS1 (3) stares at people with obvious disabilities, and loudly makes comments like, "where is his leg?". But, to be fair, he also stares and comments on everything else in the world -> e.g. this afternoon: "Why is he not wearing a helmet?", "why doesn't that man have shoes on?", "Look Mum, bird poo! Lots of bird poo!".

Lanyards or badges wouldn't change his current behaviour, and I fear he has probably offended people.

I was wondering if anyone could recommend any children's books dealing with various disabilities, especially the hidden disabilities?

small children asking questions imo is normal, most of us have nt kids as well, so are used to the awful ness they some times say lol

but the idea that putting a visible badge of some sort on a disabled person will in some way help educate is well......daft or silly
the twunts will then ask why they don't get a badge.
they will then complain and moan about not having a badge.

eggandcress it's that obvious idiotic staring that annoys me too. I have said many a time in a polite, firm and slightly perplexed voice "don't you know it's rude to stare?"

Tulip I would never be offended by a small child noticing ds's differences but IME it's adults who should know better who stare and comment.

I agree, we get a lot of questions from children (why is dd2 holding her ears, look at her flapping her arms), although i dont like hearing comments from children i can accept that they are going to notice she is different, probably more so than an adult would. I'm happy for anyone to come up to me (child or adult) and ask me questions about dd2 and dd1, its the staring and judging which i find offensive. I am happy to tell anyone about Autism and my dd's differences as it makes people more aware. There are just a very small manority that make nasty comments and just stand and stare.

Small children often as me what is 'wrong' with him but I really don't mind that at all and I always explain why he is different to them.

It is the adults (used loosely) that upset me much more. It hurts to think that they feel sorry for you. Don't feel sorry for me or my son.

Ask me about him.

Maybe I should get a t-shirt saying 'don't stare, ask '

Tulipgrower - of course young children are curious I did not mean them, it is the adults and actually often older children who should know not to stare. Probably no one has ever explained to them that it is not a nice feeling to be stared at. I think it is really good you want to explain to your 3 year old about this, these staring people obviously did not have that when young

TruthSweet it is hard to comprehend, but it's all too common. I've had the stares, the rude comments, the abusive comments, been spat on, had my car battered with a brolly, had things thrown at me, been thrown out of places, been sacked, been demoted, been bullied as a child and as an adult, had rubbish through my letter box, had my windows smashed, been threatened with a knife, been kicked in the back of the head and all because of my disability. That's just the stuff I remember instantly.

Kladdkaka - that is horrific. I wouldn't expect a thief to be treated in that fashion (and in no way am I comparing people with disabilities with thieves). I have epilepsy and so far have escaped most forms of discrimination/abuse (a few notable exceptions but I won't go in to those). I cannot imagine what would drive someone to treat anyone like that, let alone one of the more vulnerable members of society.

There was that tragic case recently of the mother who killed herself and her disabled daughter having reached the end of her tether. Everyone was shocked and acted as if this was an unusual case. It wasn't, it's normal life for many people with disabilities.

There was a house on the corner near my parents where 3 adults with learning difficulties were housed with some support. They were very quiet and kept very much to themselves. Over the years they gradually began to trust some of their neighbours and would say hello and ask for help if they needed it. Unfortunately there were a number of people who did not want them there. Why, I have no idea. But they badgered and badgered and badgered the council for years until they caved and they were moved back into the residential home they came from. So sad.

I imagine the mother felt it was better for her to end her daughter's life than leave her alone and exposed to such vile behaviour. It's a terrible thing to do but then it must have been terrible living the way they were forced to by such disgusting behaviour.

In a sense I'm lucky as no-one would know I have a disability unless they were to see me have a seizure. I am fairly open about it and people are some times shocked I would tell them something so 'private' and occasionally people act like it's shameful or to be kept hidden. A bit like my OCD which I am also fairly open about (sensing a theme here - TS can't shut up!)

I have a DS with severe disabilities and I am afraid that our experiences echo those of many others here. Although most people are decent and reasonable, there is a substantial minority who have a very strange attitude to the disabled. Our DS has been subjected to staring and very suspect attitudes and remarks, often from very unlikely people whom we previously considered friends. One 'friend' told us that she didn't want us feeding DS in front of her DC, as the spitting, struggling to eat etc 'upset' her.

DS used to go to a Scouts group, and sometimes around town would meet children & their parents from the group; the children would stand & stare at him & I mean literally stand over his wheelchair and stare at close quarters as if he was a freak. The parents did nothing, did not say to their DC 'Say hallo to (DS name)', just let their DC stare. These were educated middle class people in a smart area, and they knew exactly who my DS was, just did not want to engage with him.
Eventually one of the parents at the Scout group complained that DS wheelchair was a hazard to the other children; despite the fact that children were warned to keep their fingers away from the wheelchair and despite the fact that DS had a 1:1 carer there paid for by us. Once a parent had complained the organisers had no choice but to ask us to put masking tape over the wheels; this would affect his mobility, something that the rest of us take for granted. In the end we felt our DS was so unwelcome that we withdrew him from the group.
I do think that it will take a lot of education to convince certain people that their attitudes are unacceptable. No other minority group is expected to put up with the kind of abuse disabled people are routinely subjected to. This is the real challenge;educating the public as certain members have a poor attitude towards the disabled which they need to be persuaded to change.

So, the current system doesn't work, and no one likes the visible badge idea, but everyone still wants thousands of grumpy people in long queues to be nice as pie.

What alternatives would all the Anti Visible Badge supporters suggest?

That people have a bit of thought and a bit of common sense.
You don't get something for nothing. If somebody appears to be getting unfair privileges there is a reason for it.

That people can perhaps realise that something is amiss when a large child is throwing themselves around, biting, hitting, screaming..... because let's face it that's not right is it?

Why is common sense so difficult?

I don't see why anything is needed, if I'm in a queue at a theme park and someone gets to go to the front of the queue, shows something to the staff and is allowed to go on the ride instead of joining the back of the queue...

I'm of average intelligence, I can see full well that there is obviously some reason they've been allowed to do that, why do I need reassured that it's a reason worth acknowledging?

This is not someone pushing in without the staff noticing - they've been let in.

I have a 'please be patient I have autism' badge for ds1 but I never put it on him now.

I couldn't care less if people get stroppy though, and I certainly don't see it as my role to educate anymore (I used to, and life was a lot more stressful then), so when people get funny now I tend to laugh to myself (or discuss it loudly if I'm with someone).

Yep, I've gone way past caring to be honest.
The ignoramuses would only sneer at any visible labelling anyway and I'd hope others would understand that there was a reason for any difference in provision.

Why should we have to do this? For what purpose? To let the ignoramuses sneer? Fuck 'em.

(obviously I am approachable to anyone who is curious, I'm not eff you to everyone)

In theme parks I suggest that people who get their knickers in a twist over disabled people 'queue jumping' get removed from the queue and sent to watch a disability awareness film instead. Afterwards they can rejoin the queue providing they wear a visible badge saying where they have been and why.

Great idea, Kladdkaka!