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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have left DS2 out of the Mcdonalds trip?

41 replies

TrainingJedi · 05/09/2011 11:57

DS2(10) has been a pain at bedtimes for the past year or so. As soon as it's lights out he creeps out of bed and plays with his xbox. When I took his xbox out of his room, he started doing it with his toys. If the toys are took out, he sneaks downstairs whilst I'm asleep and watches movies. Sometimes I've worked out he must have been up until 3/4am some nights. It is driving me crazy.

So anyway last night he went to bed and it was lights out at 10pm (no school until tomorow). I heard him get back up again at 10.45 after I'd gone to bed myself. I went in and told him off, took his toys out etc and this morning I go to wake him up at 8am. I had to go out and leave him with his older brother so I get back home at 9.45 and he's still in bed. His older brother tells me he heard DS messing around at 1am this morning when he went to toilet. I go to wake him up again. 11.20 he's still in bed so I go in and tell him he either gets up immediately or he will be left at home whilst I take DS1 to Mcdonalds for an end of holidays treat. DS2 then shouts at the top of his voice for me to get out and leave him alone. I then tell him he will be in bed at 9pm tonight and I will be setting off to Mcdonalds in 5 minutes. If he wants to come, he better be ready. Again he shouts at me so in sheer frustration I tell him tonight's bedtime has dropped to 8pm and DS1 and I are leaving.

I then left and did not bring him a Mcdonalds back like I think he was expecting.

AIBU?? never left him out like that before but I'm sick to death of him not listening and just doing what the hell he wants.

OP posts:

Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 05/09/2011 12:51

I agree with Seeker. Xbox for an hour a day is clearly too much for this particular child, who doesn't seem to have very many self-limiting behaviours. And you need to push the exercise thing. He's rude and sulky and he's got himself in a bad cycle of behaviours that are making him feel physically and emotionally worse, which needs to be broken. Daylight and sweat is what he needs.

Shutupanddrive · 05/09/2011 12:57

Could he help out at the stables where he used to go horse riding? We had loads of helpers where i used to work as a riding instructor. They were they all day and had a ride if there was a spare horse/pony in return for helping

CardyMow · 05/09/2011 12:58

OMG he's only half a year older than my DS1. I would NOT have such disrespectful behaviour from a dc that young! (or any age tbh, but 10! ). DD (13yo) tries this sort of thing but gets nowhere with it. 10pm is far too late for a 10yo to go to bed at. My DS1 is not a huge sleeper, and HE has lights out at 9.30pm IN THE HOLIDAYS. They know they are not allowed tv's / Ds's / playstations on after lights out.

I MAKE mine go out at some point each day for bike rides / running around with friends etc. And if ANY of mine used language like that to me, they would be on a weeks ban from ANY screen time. Instantly. I wouldn't have it from an ADULT child - never mind one of only 10yo!

Term-time bedtime for DS1 is 8.30pm, 9.30 in hols. He is up at 6.30am by himself. My 13yo DD goes to bed at 10pm in the holidays.

mummymccar · 05/09/2011 13:01

Just a thought - is he playing the Xbox or computer for long before bed? As a teenager I used to get awful insomnia until I realised that my computer was causing it. I used to get up in the middle of the night to watch tv or play on the computer too because I just couldn't sleep, which of course was making it even worse.

AlwaysRocking · 05/09/2011 13:14

I have suffered from insomnia on and off for years and find the best thing to help me drift off is listening to audiobooks. Not sure if that's any help, but at least he would be lying in bed resting while he listened even if he didn't fall asleep.

LoveBeingIgnoredByMardyBra · 05/09/2011 13:14

Number if hours activity = no of hours on xbox?

SnakeOnCrack · 05/09/2011 15:29

I would insist on him doing some sort of exercise, swimming or something.. really encourage him with it. You don't want a total lazy bones on your hands.

Definately set the downstairs alarm, and take his toys from his room.. and limit his xbox time!

saintmerryweather · 05/09/2011 15:44

I second shutupanddrive. If he liked going horseriding, see if he can go and help out at his local riding stable. It'll get him out and about in the fresh air, he'll learn to take care of something other than himself, he'll interact with other children and adults and he'll learn the value of earning something for himself if he can earn free (or heavily discounted?) lessons. Plus he'll have to be up early to help with getting horses in - this was always my favourite bit of helping at the stables! My stables used to have a sort of totting up system, depending on how long you helped out for you might get an hour long ride once a week or if you were there every single day, you might get more than that depending on how available the horses were. He sounds bored to me, although I recognise its his own fault he's bored!

LaurieFairyCake · 05/09/2011 15:52

Switch off the electricity when you go to bed and use your phone to wake you up. Leave a side light on next to your bed so that if he tries to switch the electricity on it will wake you up.

You are going to have to treat him like a toddler and break this cycle - I would have stayed behind and got him out of bed early today so he was tired enough for tonight.

I would also remove the xbox/phone whatever every time you find him getting out of bed and defying you.

SiamoFottuti · 05/09/2011 15:54

You were going to bring him even after he shouted at you like that? Honestly, you need to get much tougher on him, he is walking all over you. He does what he wants.

hairylights · 05/09/2011 15:58

"My ds would have got a bucket of cold water on his bed for ignoring my request that many times"

That's actually quite an abusive thing to do.

But anyway, in response to the OP. I hate to use the word 'food' in the same sentence as McDonalds, but using food to reward or punish children isn't right.

hairylights · 05/09/2011 15:59

posted too soon. You need to read up on how you can set appropriate consequences for bad behaviour that will actually make a difference.

storminabuttercup · 05/09/2011 16:13

The op wasn't withholding food as a punishment, my understanding is that he wasn't allowed the mcdonalds as it is 'treat food'. I'm assuming he was still allowed to eat, as he was searching the cupboards and saying he didn't want those things!

hairylights · 05/09/2011 16:47

I didn't say withholding. I said using food to punish/ reward

Sofabitch · 05/09/2011 17:48

Cold water in a bed is hardly abusive. I'm not talking about throwing it over their head. Just making the bed an unpleasant place to be.

Happymm · 05/09/2011 18:17

He isn't tired at night as he's spent half the day in bed! I second enforcing him to get up early. Big encouragements for physical activity to tire him out.

Can you do some family stuff? Maybe geocaching (?spelling) just looking in to that for my gang, so we can make dog walking an enjoyable family activity.

Reduce all screen time, including TV.

No talking to you like that without a consequence, eg lose 15mins XBox time?

Give positive rewards for positive behaviour, eg can gain XBox time each day (start each day at 10mins so everything to play for) for engaging with family and doing something.

Good luck :)

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