AIBU To look after DS instead of PIL when I go on Mat Leave for DC2

[Sequin1]

Hi, I really need to ask for an outsiders point of view on this.

Currently I am 27 weeks pregnant with DC2 and go on mat leave at the end of Oct.

I work 4 days a week and DS goes to Nursery and MIL picks him up 2 x days a week from nursery in the afternoon and has him until tea time (they also expect to see him every weekend too). When I start mat leave my intention was to just reduce DS to 2 or 3 days and I would do the pick ups as MIL did this as I was at work, however this decision has caused arguments between me and DP as he thinks its not fair for MIL not to see SS anymore during the week. My proposal to DP was that as I now look after DS during the week then he can take DS to see PIL at the weekend and they can have him for a sleep over every so often as well. Is this unreasonable?

The background is this is their first Grandchild and he is spoilt rottern (fair enough I can cope with that) they live 5 minutes down the road and they would see him every day of the week of they could (which I cant cope with).
I am very independant, I have always lived away from my family who live overseas or over 500 miles away so they have 'exclusive' use of DS as my parents see him/us around 4/5 times a year.

Our difference in opinion on how much we/DS see's his parents is really starting to effect our relationship. Would be good to hear if anyone can offer any advice on how I deal with this.

Thanks

Actually, yes, could they have him one day a week? That way you save on nursery fees, DH gets to spend time with him on the weekend and you still get your break.

FWIW, I'm 28 weeks pregnant and also finishing at the end of October and reducing DD's nursery days to 2 (from 3), and exhausting as I find it looking after her now I'm slowing down, I do love picking her up from nursery when I can and spending an hour at the park in the late sunshine. If it's important to you, do it.

maybe one day with PILS instead of nursery.

then make sure you have weekend time as family with you, H and the two children.

To be honest, unless you can't stand your PIL or think that they aren't able to look after your DS properly, I wouldn't turn down their help like that.

First of all, I'd be happy that my PIL take so much interest in their grandchild, and second, the last weeks of pg can be exhausting, not to mention the first week with a newborn. I am sure you'll appreciate their help, and your ds will have some extra love from other members of the family.

Your his mum, They are grandparents to be honest they should be happy with what ever time you give them. Its almost like they see it as joint care between you and your DH and them which should not be the case.

It make perfect sence that if you are not longer at work to look after your own child.

When I stopped working my mother stopped looking after DS because I no longer needed her to.

So no you are NBU

I don't think I would be happy with the 'every weekend' arrangement either. Once you start these types of routines, they can be really hard to break. What if you decide to do something on the spur of the moment at the weekend? Would you have to clear it with your PIL first? Give them a different day in lieu, as if it were a shared custody arrangement?

Totally agree with that.

I'd let them have some time in the week, seems abit unfair that now you don't need them you are going to stop it, will you need them again when your maternity leave is up?

I think YANBU. They are providing childcare for you when ou work, but as you are going to be off work, you dont need the childcare. Whats the problem here. I think they sound pushy, but this is your family, you only get to do it once. Come to some arrangement where they get a full day or something with DS, maybe cut a nursery day and let them have him that day (and save a few £ too) and then have him the rest of the time. Remember you dont have to negotiate with your pil out about your child! Definately dont plan for them to have him every weekend either, that would be a crappy precedent to set. What abou they pick him up from nursery one day, he stays overnight and you pick him up the next day. That way you get a lazy morning day also whilst they get an overnight stay which i imagine they would like and feels like a substantial amoutn of time with the grandchild.