to wonder what exactly is the point where you say, yes, we've saved enough to start a family?

[GeneralCustardsHardHat]

Everyone says "we need to be in a position where we've saved enough money to start a family"

What is that point?

But money even gah

Who says this
Realistically most people who plan which is only about half their baby hope to have stable employment, stable housing and stable relationship.
Obviously if you earn massive wages you can think about clearing mortgages can't believe people are managing to do this before having family! but for most average families this just isnt a realistic option. We are n0w starting our family and wanted to be settled in our careers, own our home (mortgaged), have half decent cars (so wont need to be replaced in next 3-4 years) and be married.
I do get a reasonable maternity leave package though, so I imagine for those with just statutory mat pay you would need to save to allow a decent maternity leave period.

We have waited until we were in the position of being able to live on one salary if we needed to. DH got a big pay rise and hey presto I sprinted to the shop for folic acid we decided it was time to give it some serious thought

My DD and her DP, have saved and paid off debts, so they can ttc. She works very early and late shifts, so will possibly have to go part time, if we (GP's) cannot help, because of our own working pattern. It is people who are just out of the benefit system, without family support, of childminding as well as finanicial, that need to save.

I went without and used second hand equipment, but i would like her to be able to choose what she would like, not what is the cheapest, she is very sensible with money, anyway.

They went through a very stressful time when he couldn't find work and he was starting to get depressed, his self esteem was damaged, as she kept them. You have to do what suits your family and shouldn't put down others for what helps them to sleep at night, some people cannot cope with financial worries.

Tortoise admits that she and her husband only managed to clear their mortgage because they bought before the housing boom, Meconium. It certainly wouldn't be a viable option now!

It seems to me that their are two options:

1. Have a baby when you are younger and then get slated because you aren't financially stable enough (re: thread the other day about childcare costs here. Or...

2. Have a baby later in life when all your financial ducks are in a row and then get slated if you have problems conceiving because "everyone knows that fertility declines with age" and you're just being greedy and selfish wanting to have a child and a materially comfortable life.

We only have savings because of DD. The tax credits we get mean we're able to put a bit to one side each month.
She's better off than we are though because our families tend to give her money at birthdays and Christmas instead of yet more plastic tat. :o

We waited until we had a house of our own (with a mortgage) were in an area of the country where we felt settled, and I'd had a permanent full time job that I enjoyed... and had been there long enough to get maternity pay. The plan was always for DH to be a SAHD so it was down to me.

I have never in all my puff met anyone who said that, OP

For us, we waited until we had a stable enough income to cope if one of us (me) decided to stay home with DC.

It works for us, might not work for all couples, but it suits us.

Also, I wanted to have kids 'young' (ie. in my 20s) which seems amongst my group of friends to be a shocking waste of time, effort and money that could be pissed up the wall on shoes, outings, gadgets.

Each to their own.

Well I've had three thoughts on this.

1. Aged 27. That I should save enough to cover a year's maternity leave at full time salary equivalent in 3 years' time (ie age 30). About 9k. Not a thought towards how much childcare costs though.

2. Aged 34. Realising I needed to do ivf and not wanting to start without the means to do 6 attempts. So 20k.

Giving up my career and living on 1 salary with a small enough mortgage to make this feasible.

3. Aged 37. Trying for 2nd DC. Enough to pay for 2 ivf goes - 7k.

Oh so sensible. How I wish I could go back to me aged 25 with no money and urge me to throw caution to the wind and get pregnant naturally whilst I had youth and energy on my side!

Well, we were all set in 1993. Mortgage was 20% of the value of the house, DH was billing enough for me not to return to work. Had everything. Would have given it all up when ds2 died shortly after being born at 27 weeks. 51 weeks later and at the end of our 5th pregnancy, dd arrived fit, well and healthy to join her three and a half year old big brother. And don't anyone start a thread about the perfect gap.

married - I'm so sorry to hear your story. Thinking of you.

FWIW, people around me say what the OP's friends/family say. My parents are always on about it - they don't realize how much lifestyles have changed and think you shouldn't really have a baby until you are 'settled down' and have a mortgage (fat chance!).

It really cheered me up posting on here, because people told me how it doesn't have to be very expensive having a baby. I'd got the idea, from people who went on about 'saving for a baby', that you needed to spend thousands on things for the baby before it was even born!

Personally, I'm a student so get the equivalent of minimum wage as a grant, and DH earns a bit more than minimum wage, and we have a lot of student debt between us, but I think we will probably start trying for a baby in a couple of years, by which time hopefully I will have a job. I know people in the sitution we're in now who have babies, and they seem very happy - you maybe do have to accept that you're not going to own your own home, or do holidays abroad, or whatever, but I don't know how much I care about that really.